Living on Borrowed Time
by smm
Summary: Hawkeye has been missing for a few days when Mustang happens to find something interesting on the front steps of Eastern Headquarters. When someone close to Roy is terminated, can he watch his own back...or will he get help from the most unlikely source
1. Always Too Late

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Wow, I really like this little chapter. Hopefully I'll end up expanding on this…I've got the rest of the idea in my head, but I can't promise you it'll turn out perfect or anything. The title may be subject to change, though currently I like it. Well read, though I do suggest you pull out the tissues if you're subject to over productive tear ducts (like myself)

Chapter 1 – Always Too Late

It was 5 am in front of the military's eastern headquarters when a sleek black car drove up. The rain was falling in sheets, preventing anyone from seeing more than a few feet in front of them. At 5 am, it was still dark. The car came to a halt, but the engine remained running. The backseat driver's side door clicked and opened. Out rolled a bundle; from more than a hundred yards anyone would have thought it was a bag of old clothes…or a large dead dog. The door slammed shut and the car drove off into the flooded morning, leaving the bundle abandoned on the ground. Many moments passed, but suddenly a little movement came from the bundle…and then there was a quiet moan. After that…it laid still.

Colonel Mustang walked along in the rain, feeling the bad weather seep into his attitude. He hated the rain…it was no secret. Water, rain, it was his enemy, and he treated it as such. Angrily he stomped the ground, in some small way it made him feel better to feel the water being crushed under his feet. Even if it hadn't been raining he would have been angry. Just two days ago his Lieutenant had left. There were no words, she just got up and left after receiving a mysterious letter. No one had seen her since Monday and it was getting on his nerves. It wasn't like Hawkeye to just not show up for work, much less walk out during the middle of the day without saying anything to anyone. He'd checked her house that afternoon, to make sure she was okay, but she was gone. After interrogating her neighbors he found out that she'd left her dog, Black Hayate, with one of them and left. She'd left behind no explanation, only saying that she had to take care of something and that she'd be gone for a few days. Well the "few days" had come and gone and there was still no word from her. He was coming up on the entrance to Eastern Headquarters now. He scowled at his watch—5:30. He was never awake at this hour, but he was tired of sitting at home. He didn't know where she was and it was making him restless. It wasn't because he cared for her—no, that could never be the case, he often told himself. She was cold, hard, stubborn and exacting. Not his type of woman at all. But she was loyal and it was something that fascinated him. She proved to him time and again that she was willing to sacrifice anything for him. Anyone that saw her knew that she would be willing to take his place in hell for him. Many questioned her loyalties, and more than a few rumors flew about them possibly having some sort of relationship, but anyone that spent more than 5 minutes with her, knew that she would never stoop to being someone else's plaything. She was often described as the perfect soldier, taking orders and always carrying them out without question…well not always. Hawkeye was willing to take orders, but there always seemed to be something slightly defiant staring out from behind her red eyes. She knew when to take orders and when to order him. He was the only superior officer that she was willing to talk back to…to put him in his place, but he was also the only superior officer she was loyal to. It was a well known fact within their squad that she wasn't loyal in the least to the military…her loyalties lay with Mustang, and only Mustang. While her loyalty to him was an attractive quality it wasn't enough for him to be willing to try and start a relationship with her. Besides, the woman wouldn't think twice about putting a few bullet holes in his head, and that was a little more than scary. His restlessness crawled around underneath his skin and it made him shiver a bit in the cold unforgiving rain. He wanted to know where she was…he hated being left out of the loop. The last time that he'd been left out…he'd lost his best friend… He wasn't in love with his lieutenant, but he wasn't willing to let someone he cared about die…not while he lived and breathed.

The black bundle in front of the building caught his eye. It was closer to the steps than it had been when it was kicked out of the vehicle, but it seemed to have stopped moving again. Roy squinted in the rain, trying to figure out what the mysterious thing was. He cautiously approached the thing, staring at it with inquisitive eyes. He'd momentarily forgotten the rain and was suddenly reminded when he felt his shoe sink into a slightly deep puddle. He cursed as he took his eyes from the bundle and looked down. What he saw took his breath away. The puddle wasn't rain…it was red. The blood was diluted a bit by the rain and as he squinted at the little trail of red he could clearly deduce that it was coming from the black bundle. His heart leapt into his throat as he mind leapt to conclusions. Dropping his guard he ran toward the figure, it seemed to have a black trench coat draped over it…as if it were too grotesque to see by mortal men. Roy's nerves raced as he gripped the coat and pulled it back. His fears realized themselves as he pulled the coat back to reveal Riza Hawkeye's blood stained face.

She smiled at him in an eerie sort of way and gently blinked her eyes against the rain. Her savior had come at last…but only too late as Roy could see there were three round bullet holes penetrating the front of her uniform. "Hawkeye!" he screamed startled, his voice cracking. He knelt beside her cold form and tried to pick her up. She waved him away, "No, no, it hurts to move" she said, a gurgling sound forming at the back of her throat. She coughed a little, causing blood to rush into her mouth. Unable to contain it, the droplets curled out the edges of her mouth and flowed down her face. Roy cradled his lieutenant's upper body in his arms, trying to protect her from her obvious fate. "What happened?" the words rushed from his mouth. Hawkeye's eyes drank in his face, her mind beginning to go fuzzy. "They were..." she started but a fit of coughing quickly stopped it. Blood from her lungs was quickly soaking her uniform, and Roy shushed her. "No, no you don't have to tell me now. Just rest…I'll get you some help, just stay here." He almost started to move, but her right hand gripped the front of his uniform. "Stay!" she said, her teeth were stained red from the blood, "stay with me…I-I don't want to be alone…" the rain hit her face and dripped down it like makeshift tears. For the first time since Maes had died tears pricked Mustang's eyes and his voice caught in his throat. "Okay," he replied, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "I won't leave you."

She smiled again. Her eyes looked relieved as she rested in his arms. Rain dripped down Roy's hair and fell into his eyes, mingling with his tears. Riza's hand reluctantly let go of her commanding officer's jacket and unsteadily made its way toward his face. With trembling fingers she brushed his hair out of his eyes. His eyes screamed out in pain…he couldn't lose her…she was all he had left. "It'll be all right." She whispered. He let out a strange laugh, even at death's door; she was still looking out for him. He smiled back at her, "Yeah, it'll be okay…just stay with me okay?"

She smiled sadly at him. It wouldn't be long now. She could slowly feel her blood draining away. Strangely enough, it wasn't unpleasant. "Stay with me Hawkeye." When she didn't say anything, he became frantic. "Hawkeye! Answer me! Stay with me." She only closed her eyes. "Don't you dare leave me! You have a job to do! You promised to protect me. Who's going to do that if you're not here!" She blinked up at him, sorry that her time was being cut so short. "Help!" Roy screamed out into the torrent morning. "Someone! Anyone! Helllp!" He held her cold body closer to his, hoping that it would keep her holding on. "You can't leave me…" he said, pleading with her, rocking her frail body in his arms.

"I'll never leave you…" she said, a fit of coughing followed leaving her weak. With what strength was left in her body she gripped the front of his uniform, pulling his face closer. She whispered something to him only he could hear through the falling sheets of rain. Roy stopped breathing as he watched his lieutenant's grip slowly relax on his jacket and go limp. Her eyelids felt as if they were weighted down and she felt as if she were drowning in the middle of the morning rain. For the last time Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye closed her eyes and let out a long breath. Her body never moved again.

Roy felt her soul slip from her body. Her limp body lay in his arms and he knew she was gone. Enraged, he screamed toward the sky. Why was it that he was always too late?


	2. Useless

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

NiCh90 – Nope, no dream sequence, I'm just evil does the weird eyebrow thing If it makes you feel better there are going to be some twists and turns in the story, but nothing you couldn't deduce if you checked the genre ;)

Chapter 2 – Useless

It was 8:00 that morning when several people walked up on the most peculiar scene. Colonel Mustang was sitting on the steps holding one of his subordinates, rocking her rhythmically back and forth. He stared off into space as if in a trance. Several people could see his lips mumbling words, but few could make out what they were. The morning rain had lightened some and it was now just a little more than a drizzle. Some could see she was bleeding despite the fact that Mustang's body blocked most of their view. One man went for the paramedics, but most of them had already deduced she was gone. The entire scene was quiet…the Colonel's mumblings mixed with the pattering of the rain creating an eerie musical effect.

The medics finally arrived and attempted to find out what had happened from Roy but he just continued his mumblings and his rocking. The medics were close enough to hear his murmurs clearly, "It'll be okay Hawkeye, just stay with me…come on, it'll be okay." He kept repeating. Every few minutes he would break in his mantra and put a bribe in, "Come on, if you stay we'll get you that new rifle you've been wanting…won't that be nice? It'll have a mahogany stock and everything…come on stay with me Hawkeye, it'll be okay…" The man looked pathetic to say the least but no one said a word…he was hurting and everyone there could feel his pain.

A paramedic tried to get near her to at the very least take her pulse, but Roy jerked her body away from him. "She's okay!" he screamed at the man, "she's going to be okay…" he whispered to himself. He looked down at her face again, light bruises around her face were beginning to show and her lip was cut open. Her hair hung messily out of her usual bun. A few strands of her hair had stuck to her face and as he murmured to her he gently wiped them away from her face. Her skin, like wet silk, was ice cold. One of the paramedics tried to reason with him. "Sir…we need to see her…we need to see if she's still alive." Roy's eyes met theirs, his expression mirror that of a frightened animal. After a moment his eyes drooped a bit and he nodded to them, loosening his grip on the woman just slightly. The paramedic cautiously put his hand on Hawkeye's neck, halfway afraid that Roy would take the gesture in offence. He waited for a few moments and readjusted his hold, a little more sure that Roy wouldn't attack him. There was nothing underneath his fingertips. Seeing this man's pain he wanted to will the woman to have a pulse, just the smallest hint of a pulse…but there was nothing. The paramedic shook his head at the ground, "She's…gone." It wasn't a surprise to anyone there, but there had been a small hope in everyone's heart…everyone had hoped that they were wrong. It was like watching a tragic moving picture show that they'd seen before…they knew in the end she was dead, but all the way through the storyline they'd hoped and prayed the ending would somehow turn out differently. The shock of hearing the words from someone else's mouth made Mustang lose himself. His arms went limp and his heart broke. The only thought racing through his mind, '_She's…gone. She's…gone. She's gone Gone GONE'_" All heat drained from his body and he felt more lifeless than her body lying on the ground. The paramedics brought out a stretcher and gently lifted her off the ground and onto it. No one expected Roy to follow, it was obvious…he was a broken man. The men took away her body, but made sure to pull the blanket all the way over her face before putting her in the back of the vehicle. Roy watched their movements in slow motion. Every fiber in his body told him to jump up and rip the blanket off her face and order her to come back to life…she was always good at taking orders…she _always_ _was_ the perfect little soldier…

He sat on the steps for a long time after they'd taken her away. Many people had walked past him into the building and eventually the crowd dispersed, but he stayed, unmoving on the stairs of the building they'd spent the last 3 years of their lives in. With every ragged breath he took, thoughts of her filled him. Her eyes…those blood red eyes that had so perfectly matched the blood that had come flowing from her mouth. Her lips, the same ones that had so often yelled at him for ditching work…they were cut open. Her hair…the oh so neat bun that she never took down had been falling out…her bangs pressed wet to her face. That smile of hers…it'd been so elusive in the office, but she'd given it to him so freely in her last moments. It was her voice that plagued him the most…so often she'd screamed at him for being reckless…until her last minutes; he'd never known she could speak so sweetly. Her voice rang in his ears even now…"Roy, Roy, Roy" it repeated over and over. He tried not to think of her final words…they only reminded him how he _was always too late_. "She always did say you were useless in the rain…" he mumbled to himself.

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Sorry these chapters are so short. I'm at work and I'm trying not to get noticed that I'm writing a story. Just to anwser any questions that might pop up b/c of that last line, I still haven't revealed what her last words were to him. The "useless in the rain" comment was just Roy thinking. 


	3. Investigate, Interrogate

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: The two officers in here were just made up off the top of my head. I just needed two people to serve the purpose.

Chapter 3 – Investigate, Interrogate

A kind hand from behind tried to lift him from the ground. His body was dead weight in the Good Samaritan's arms and he couldn't lift him off the ground. Roy turned to see another of his faithful followers, Havoc. "Sir, you need to get up." Havoc said solemnly. Roy continued to mope on the ground. "Please get up." Havoc urged again. Mustang still made no movement, only studied the drops of rain that were running down the surface of the stairs. Havoc became annoyed. Hawkeye had been murdered and Roy was simply sitting there. "Get up!" he shouted. The words startled Mustang. Havoc had never talked to him this way. Hawkeye was the only person that was below him that wasn't afraid to order him around. Mustang's sad eyes tilted up to meet Havoc's, Havoc merely gave him a cold stare. "She wouldn't let you sit out here moping and I'm not going to either." His subordinate told him. The words compelled him to get up. He had a little trouble standing at first…he felt as if he didn't have any bones at all. Havoc took his arm around his shoulders and the two men walked inside. The only thing left of the disturbing morning was the black trench coat that she'd been coveredwith, and a small trail of blood that had yet to be diluted by the morning's rain.

The building was warm and dry and the commotion from the lieutenant's death had the entire Eastern Headquarters in a fit. Deaths weren't uncommon in the military, but this was different. The latest military deaths were unique, most by Scar in his pursuit to murder the military's State Alchemists, but this one was fairly common and straight forward. "Normal" murders weren't uncommon to this area either, but there was just something about Hawkeye's murder that was peculiar. How did someone get close enough to her to shoot her? It's a well known fact that she carries two handguns and a few small knives in her shoe. Hawkeye was the military's top sniper and gunman…who could possibly be good enough to take her down? The bruising on her face was strange too; it meant that someone had actually gotten close enough to her to hit her. While she specialized in guns and rifles, Hawkeye knew a little hand to hand…how could someone have disarmed her and then beat her? The strangest thing of all was the fact that they dumped her out, _alive_ in front of Eastern headquarters. No one had known where she'd gone, and no one would have known. Why dump her out where she could get help and tell who the criminals were? Even if they went on the scenario that she'd been shot in front of the headquarters, it was still suicide to the criminal to do it in front of the military station. None of it made sense. The only thing that Havoc could deduce was that it was a message, most likely to Mustang.

Roy followed Havoc slowly down the hall, dragging his feet. Havoc lead him, not to their office, but to the investigations department's interrogation room. Two of the top investigators strolled in shortly after. Mustang sat at the table, staring blindly at its surface, his hands folded patiently in his lap, Hawkeye's voice ringing clearly in his ears. "_Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy_" the more he heard his name from her voice the more it sounded like a sweet song. It was strange, before today he couldn't remember her ever using his first name. It was always "Sir" or "Colonel." He sighed heavily as the two investigators sat down. "Thank you 2nd Lieutenant Havoc, you can go now." One of the investigators said, signaling for him to leave. Havoc gave a side long glance to his superior. He didn't want to leave Roy with these men, not in this state, but that was an order. He looked the investigator square in the eye, "I'd like to stay." He said. "Anything you need to ask Colonel Mustang, you can say in front of me."

The investigator had lost his patience. "That was an order 2nd Lieutenant, and if you want to keep your job, I suggest you leave." Havoc weighed his options for a moment, but eventually he slowly turned and walked from the room. He'd be more help to Mustang if he was still in the military. This wasn't something he should be dismissed for. As he walked from the room, a sad thought crossed his mind, '_If it had been Hawkeye they'd asked to leave she would have stayed, no matter the consequences…_'

The thought passed through Mustang's mind as well and it plunged him deeper into his despair. His melancholy thoughts were interrupted when one of the investigators spoke up. "Tell us what happened from the beginning." The investigator's name pin glinted in the small well lit room. Roy could clearly see his name, A. Hiver. Mustang looked at the men with uninterested eyes, his only thoughts on the pain coursing through his chest.

"A few days ago Hawkeye received a letter—" he started.

"What time was it when she received the letter?" Hiver interrupted.

Annoyed at the interruption, Roy continued, "It was a little after we came in from lunch."

"'We?' You ate with her?"

"Yes. What of it?" Mustang said, raising his eyebrow. "We always eat together, the only exception being when I have a lunch date." Hiver nodded at the statement and made a note of it in his notebook. The other investigator, E. Reigns, had been fairly quiet and was calmly standing at the wall, trying to stare holes through Roy's body. "Continue," Hiver said.

"She quickly read the letter, collected her things and left."

"She didn't say anything? No note, nothing?"

"She didn't say anything." Roy said sternly, the man was getting on his nerves, why did he need to question everything?

"You didn't ask her where she was going?"

"Why should I? She is a big girl; she can take care of herself." Roy replied, not even noticing he was saying _is_, and _can_. "For all I knew she was going to go to the bathroom. Should I ask my subordinates for a lengthy explanation every time they need to get up and leave?"

"Well in this case maybe you should have." Reigns mumbled. Roy didn't notice. Hawkeye's voice was still in his ears and it blocked out any sound he wasn't paying attention to. "_Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy_." It was amazing, after the first few hours her words started to sound like gently crashing waves. Every time he heard his name it seemed to come out breathy and wispy.

"No, of course not." Hiver said, "Please continue Colonel."

"She left after she received the letter and I didn't see her again. The next morning when she didn't show up to work I called her home. There wasn't an answer, so I went by on my lunch hour to make sure she was all right. Even if she had been sick she would usually call in, so I was a little worried about her. When I got to her house, no one was home so I called on the next door neighbor—"

"Can you describe the neighbor?"

"What? Oh, yes. She was probably early 60's, white hair; with just a touch of gray…maybe 5 feet tall, it was hard to tell she was leaning on a cane."

Hiver made another note on the woman's appearance and told Roy to continue once more. "I asked the woman if she knew where Hawkeye went, but she said she didn't know. She told me that Hawkeye had come by the afternoon before and had left her dog, saying that she'd be away for a few days. The woman had kindly agreed to take care of Black Hayate."

"Black Hayate I'm assuming is the dog, correct?" Hiver asked, making note. Roy nodded, becoming quite bored with this entire process. The trauma of the morning was beginning to take its toll on him and he was feeling exhausted. The pleasant sound of Hawkeye's voice repeating in his ears was creating a very relaxing effect and he was beginning to want nothing more than to fall asleep and know that none of this ever happened.

Roy continued once more, "The woman had asked Hawkeye where she was going, but she said that Hawkeye had only told her that she was going to take care of something. After talking to the old woman, I headed back here to ask anyone if they knew of her plans. No one I talked to knew where she was or why she'd left."

"Did you receive any word from her while she was gone?" Hiver asked. Roy shook his head. He hadn't seen or heard from her until this morning. "What day did you say she went missing?"

"Monday was the day she left the office." Mustang repeated. Hiver made another note of it.

"Colonel, I know this whole thing has been hard on you, but could possibly recount the events of the morning?"

"I walked up to the building and I stepped in a puddle of blood and water." He started, forcing himself to relive the moment. "There was a trail of blood that lead up to the base of the stairs where her body was. I-I think she crawled to the stairs." His voice was beginning to disappear and he gulped hard trying to wet his vocal cords. "I came up on her—someone had draped a black trench coat over her body."

"Did you bring the trench coat in with you?" Hiver asked. Mustang shook his head; he never wanted to touch that thing again. Hiver turned to Reigns and he nodded, taking the hint to go get the coat.

The door clicked shut and Hiver encouraged Mustang to continue. "I pulled the trench coat off her and saw that she was shot. I tried to lift her to take her to safety, but she told me that it hurt to move. I was…afraid that I'd hurt her more if I moved her, so I started to get up to go get help, but she wanted me to stay…I-I think she knew she was going to…" he couldn't bring himself to say the word, not with her voice ringing in his ears. "I stayed with her until she…until…her time came." Tears _wanted_ to flow, but he held them back. Grown men don't cry.

"Did she say anything while you stayed with her?"

He shook his head, "Nothing of military importance."

"I didn't ask if it was important to the military, I asked what she said." Sensing the Colonel was holding back information.

"The only thing she said was that she didn't want to be alone." He said, lying.

Hiver gave him a suspicious side long look. "All right. You're free to go." Mustang and Hiver stood up to leave, Mustang extended his hand to shake, as was the custom, but Hiver merely stared at his hand in disgust. Mustang was about to take offence…until he looked at his own hand…it was stained with Hawkeye's blood. His entire uniform was a dingy red brown. Mustang stifled a gasp and withdrew his hand. He didn't look at Hiver as he hurried from the room. Havoc was waiting just outside the door like a loyal sentinel. Mustang didn't look at him as he passed. Havoc quietly followed his superior. Mustang was making his way in the direction of his office but Havoc placed a gently hand on his shoulder. "You should go home." Havoc said.

Mustang shook his head, "No, I want to work."

"You need some sleep, and a shower…go home." He urged once more. Roy was about to protest again, but he noticed that Hawkeye's voice seemed to have changed a bit. Instead of the gently wispy "Roy"s that had been ringing in his ears all morning, it was now a gentle "_Home, home, home, home, home…"_ the word sounded almost as sweet as his name. It was strange that the sound should suddenly change, but he dismissed it. It'd been a horrible morning…his stress was getting to him. "You're right…I guess I'll head home…I trust you can handle things while I'm gone?" Havoc nodded. Roy gulped and threw his 2nd Lieutenant a tired smile. He slowed turned on his head and walked out a side door. Hawkeye's voice continued to echo "_Home, home, home, home_" in his ears.


	4. Fiery Fury

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Watch carefully as I torture you by using too many pronouns! Mwhahaha! Hopefully I haven't lost too many reader's b/c of Hawkeye's death. Don't worry…there's more to her death than meets the eye ;)

By the by, has anyone that's read several of my stories notice I tend to have two writing styles? One style is based more on the people's words and the other based more on actions, feelings and description? …well I noticed… :P

Chapter 4 – Fiery Fury

Roy Mustang walked home in the rain. The droplets trickled down his handsome face, covering the few tears that had negotiated their way out of his eyes. Few people were on the street, most were inside working. A beautiful blonde woman walked by underneath an umbrella. Usually Roy would have noticed her right away, but he didn't even realize she was there until she let out a whimpering gasp. He looked up at her and saw she was staring at his hands. He diverted his eyes from her as she let out a raspy scream and dashed inside a nearby shop. He realized that he probably looked like a murderer walking down the street covered in blood…his heart felt heavy and he admitted to himself he felt like a murderer. He felt responsible…there had to have been more he could have done. He went over the scene over and over in his mind trying to find something anything he could have done differently…there wasn't anything, and it only made his heart sink further. It had been bad when Maes had died…but this was different. She'd died in his arms…his name on her lips. He tried not to think of her final words…so many things had been left unsaid.

He was surprised to find himself in front of his apartment already. He leaned against the door, thankful for its support. Without looking he unlocked the door and stumbled his way into the room, closing the door with his foot. A few steps away was his couch and he flopped onto its overstuffed cushions. The pillows tried to comfort his aching heart, but he felt undeserving of the solace and he rolled himself roughly onto the floor. Staring up at his ceiling he tried to hold back the tears. Her voice in his ears had resumed saying his name and it was starting to get to him. "_Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy…"_ it continued. Broken tears slid down his face, and strolled down his neck, seeping into the fabric of his already drenched uniform. He tried to calm himself and took a deep breath through his nose. It startled him…he could smell the blood on his clothes. The room felt thick with her and he struggled with the buttons of his uniform jacket. He leaned up and took the jacket off completely, flinging the wretched thing across the room. He stood up and made his way into his room, but unfortunately he had a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His hands and forearms were caked with her blood. A few flecks of the red stain had appeared on his face like grotesque freckles. They'd most likely found their way there when she'd coughed up the blood. What bothered him the most was the blood that stained his shirt. It'd seeped all the way through his jacket. It seemed to have puddle a bit near his heart where she'd grasped his shirt to keep him with her. With the same detest he had for his jacket he ripped off his shirt and dropped it to the floor. Rage consumed him when he once again saw his reflection in the mirror. The blood had stained all the way through to his skin. His heart was marked with her blood. Enraged at the sight, his hand involuntarily clasped into a fist; he reared back and lunged at the mirror. His fist broke the glass easily and he couldn't control the pain anymore. He wanted to take his anger out on something…anything. He turned to see his blood covered shirt on the floor and had an idea. Hastily he picked up his shirt and when into the other room to collect his jacket. He threw them both into the fireplace and pulled out his ignition gloves. He only pulled one on and looked at his clothes with disdain. Angrily he snapped his fingers and the clothes immediately caught fire. He snapped his fingers again and the clothes burned brighter, again and again he snapped his fingers until the fabric was merely a pile of ashes. Sweat rolled down his forehead and into his eyes, small tears making their way down his face to drop off his chin. He threw the gloves across the room and went back to his bedroom and into his bathroom. The little firework display a moment ago had calmed him a bit, but the pain still burned within him. She'd marked him with her blood…with her life. He may have been unable to save her from death…but nothing would keep him from making her murders pay. She'd marked him as her avenger, and it was a role he was more than happy to play.

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It might be a little while before my next chapter...I've got to make a few decisions about my timeline for the story


	5. Optimistic Bastard

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

EDIT was reuploaded b/c I found out Hawkeye's real Grandfather's last name, its Grumman

Author's note: Ah, I love reusing things from my former stories…it gives me a feeling of continuity and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. For those of you that read my other Royai fics you may remember some of Riza's background info and you might also recognize The Red Herring tavern in this chapter. Seriously, if I owned a bar I would so call it The Red Herring…yeah I'm weird. Here's a happy thought, next chapter you get to find out some stuff about Riza's death! Do the happy dance ppl!

Who needs a good laugh before I make you guys sad again? I know I do! You want to know something funny? I wrote the title of this fic on a _whim_, and then I actually thought about it today, and I was like "Holy crap! That actually has serious significance! OMG! I'm such a weirdo!" I did the same thing in "The Wants of the Few" (only in that story it wasn't the title, I accidentally foreshadowed something in an early chapter and I didn't even know I was going to write that until like chapter 11!) Lol I'm a very peculiar person :P

Chapter 5 – Optimistic Bastard

The hot shower hadn't done much for Roy's disposition, or his skin. As he stood in front of his mirror, he forced himself to look at his _still_ stained hands. The blood stains had faded into a dull red, but scrubbing hadn't done anything to remove them…her blood seemed to have sunk into his every pore. "_Roy_…" her voice whispered in his ear, it pained him to hear her voice and he closed his eyes against the pain, upon opening them again, he thought for just a moment he saw her smiling face in the mirror. He blinked a few times to be sure, but there seemed to be nothing there. Desperate to escape the image he turned and slumped on his bed. He studied the ceiling, shadows danced around the room as the fan slowly turned. He reached out with his right hand toward the ceiling. '_She was my right hand…'_ he thought as he looked at his rust colored fingers. '_How could she have…but she-she just doesn't **feel** gone…_'

'_Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy…_' her voice rang in his ears. It was the last word she ever said. The thought brought his mind forcefully back to her last words. No…those words…they couldn't be true. He tried forced himself to think about something else…anything else. Before he had time to think of anything else a knock on the door echoed through the house. He started to answer the door, but he noticed his blood stained hand as it reached for the knob. The memory of woman from the street screamed in his mind and he went back to his room and grabbed a jacket and some gloves. With himself sufficiently covered, he answered the door.

A young red headed man in a military uniform was there. Roy wasn't familiar with the boy, but his name pin said J. Mason. The boy saluted "Are you Colonel Mustang, Flame Alchemist?" the young man asked in a high pitched voice…it sounded like he hadn't quite made it through puberty yet.

"Yes." Roy responded.

"Then this is for you." Mason said as he thrust a brown package into Roy's arms. Confused Roy threw him a look. "What's this?" Mason merely shrugged. "I just deliver the stuff, I don't know what it is." He replied, but then remembering he was talking to a higher ranking officer added, "Sir."

Mustang turned back inside and closed the door; completely puzzled by the package. The only thing written on the brown paper was his name and initials R.H on the back. He gently tore the package open and promptly stopped breathing.

Havoc opened the door to a local bar called The Red Herring. It was a strange name for a bar he'd often thought. A red herring was something that drew your attention away from a central issue…Havoc's only explanation for its peculiar name was because alcohol was the only thing that could pull _some_ people's attention away from their problems. Roy was definitely one of those people. Jean had dropped by his commanding officer's house, but there was no one there, he could only assume that Roy was here. His hypothesis was correct. In the corner of the bar hunched over a glass of whiskey was Roy Mustang.

"Colonel?" said a voice behind Roy, as a familiar hand landed on his shoulder. "What are you doing here?" Havoc asked. Mustang slowly turned to face his lieutenant. It was strange…he almost had expected Hawkeye to be there…she was the only one he'd ever thought would come see him like this. Havoc seemed to be taking her place quite well...trying to stand up for him in the interrogation, standing outside the door, making him go home, and now making sure he was okay. Something about this situation made Roy's anger bubble in the pit of his stomach…_no one_ could take her place, and it certainly wasn't Havoc's place to try.

"I'm trying to drink myself into a coma" Roy replied to his question.

"You should go home…you've had a traumatic experience. Drinking can't be good for you."

"Since when has drinking ever been _good_ for anyone?" Mustang replied spitefully. Part of him wanted Havoc to leave him alone…but part of him didn't want to be left alone with _her_ memory. "Sit down." He said. When Havoc didn't immediately comply, he barked the order again. "Sit down!" Havoc obeyed and when the bartender came by he motioned for a glass of water.

"Her funeral has been scheduled for next Monday." Havoc said, trying not to look his superior in the eye. Roy bit the inside of his mouth, trying not to think about her death. He nodded quietly to Havoc's statement and stared at his glass. Gazing deep into his whiskey Roy was taken back to another place…he found himself speaking his thoughts without really meaning to. "Havoc, what did you know about Hawkeye?"

The lieutenant shook his head, "Not much…we didn't really talk about that sort of thing."

"I suppose you wouldn't…" he replied. "Let me tell you a little about her…She was born just a little west of Central. Her mother was a ballet dancer…a really good one. And her father made and sold guns to the military for a living. You know that little clip on the back of your gun that keeps it from firing while it's in your holster?" Havoc nodded, not really sure where this was going. "That thing is called an Axel clip. It was named after the man that invented it, Axel Hawkeye." The realization hit Havoc like a blow to the head, but he was too stunned to say anything '_Well that explains her amazing talent with guns…_' he thought.

While Havoc was silent, Mustang continued, hardly even noticing his companion. "Did you know what she wanted to be when she was little? Of course you don't…she wanted to be a ballet dancer like her mother…I thought it always seemed a bit girlie for Hawkeye, but I heard she was really good…when she was 8 her father died in a shooting accident. Ironically enough she took up arms, hung up her toe shoes and learned to shoot…I suppose it made her feel close to her father somehow…her mother died when she was 15, I think she died from that breakout of Tyropa we had around then. Hawkeye didn't really have anywhere to go after that other than the military. Her grandfather was a Major General at the time…you may know him, General Grumman?"

Havoc's eyes widened…there had been so much he'd never known about his comrade…it seemed a crime now that he'd never really known her. Mustang downed the rest of his whiskey and motioned the bartender to fill it up once more. The Colonel continued his story as he stared at the pouring stream of fiery alcohol filling his glass. "She got into the military just as the war in Ishbal began. …would you believe she was going to try and quit after the first day? She'd been ordered to shoot any Ishbalan on sight and she followed her orders. The first person she ever shot was an Ishbalan boy, just a little younger than she was at the time…after that she was ready to hang up her rifle and quit."

Havoc was amazed. Hawkeye had never struck him as tender hearted, much less the quitting type. "What made her stay?" he asked, becoming pulled deep into Hawkeye's history.

"Maes made her stay. He told her that she was working under the wrong people, told her that she needed to be under a commanding officer that had some _honor_…someone that would take care of her…" Mustang laughed strangely at the comment as if it was ridiculous, "I'm still not completely sure how he convinced her…but he did. Maes _always was_ rather persuasive…You know he brought her to me the next day. I put her to work and before Maes left he winked at me and said 'I made sure to get you a pretty one…' I don't know what possessed her, but I suppose something I said or did made her think I was worth protecting…From that day forward she followed me. She's the only soldier that I've ever let talk back to me without consequences and she's the only woman I've ever met that I can honestly say I respect." Roy finished as he downed another shot. He finally turned to Havoc, his eyes bloodshot, possibly from crying but Havoc tried not to notice. "She's been my right hand for almost 10 years…how am I supposed to go on with my life?" Havoc started to open his mouth, but he couldn't find the words. Mustang continued. "She is part of my day…walking into the office every morning and seeing her there—it's like _breathing. _She was my back up plan, Havoc. No matter what I did, or how bad I screwed up and rushed into things, I could always count on her to come in and save my ass at the last minute…and do you know, I never once thanked her? Why is it you never know what you've got until it's gone? I swear, I would give ten years of my life to get her back." Roy's voice had become soft and Havoc felt he sensed something different in the way the Colonel spoke of his subordinate.

"Colonel…I know it might not be my place to ask, but is—_was_ there anything…_between_ you two?"

Roy smiled a half sober smile at his subordinate. "You want to know if I was intimate with her?" Havoc looked uncomfortable, but forced himself to stiffly nod. Roy shook his head. "I never touched her. We were soldiers and she always made sure that being soldiers came first. …I don't think it ever occurred to me that the feelings might have been there. It's amazing the emotions that surface you realize when someone's gone…" Roy took another shot of whiskey and didn't speak again. Havoc wasn't quite sure what his superior's words meant…did they mean that he loved her, but didn't realize it until now…or did they just mean that he never thought he'd be this upset about her death? Havoc wanted to ask, but the words got caught in his throat. Maybe it was for the best. He had a feeling even if he did ask, Mustang wouldn't tell him.

"I can't get her out of my head." Mustang said as he stared at his empty glass. "I keep hearing her voice…"he said, closing his eyes in pain, "every time I close my eyes, she's there…"

"Sir…it was traumatic. You just need a little time…things will get better…" Havoc said, trying to help.

"Since when did you become such an optimistic bastard?" Mustang replied, his spite rising to the surface. "It won't get better."

"It will…you just need-"

"What the hell do you know about _my_ needs? She died in my arms! Someone I cared about died _for me_…again... Her _blood_ is _still_ on my hands." He said, ripping off his glove, revealing his tainted hands.

Havoc gasped, and Roy continued. "I'm quitting the military."

Havoc's eyes grew wider, "You can't!"

Mustang looked his subordinate straight in the eye, "I can and I will. No one _else_ should have to die for me."

"But what about making it to the top! You promised—"

"**I promised** that I'd keep her _safe_! And I couldn't even manage that!" Mustang shouted back to him. "Did you know that General Grumman is out of the country currently?" Havoc was confused at this sudden change of subject and just shook his head. Roy continued, "He's out of the country…he was her only living relative. So do you know what they did with the uniform she died in?" Havoc shook his head again, beginning to be a little frightened at Roy's behavior. "They sent it to _me_." Mustang stated, his voice cracking a bit.

The entire bar seemed to have stopped moving…hush seemed to fill the building, but it was all in Havoc's head. He couldn't imagine having someone he cared for murdered in his arms…and then being sent the very clothes that they died in. It was a blow to his nerves and he fought to keep himself from shaking. Mustang spoke again, "I'm quitting…and there's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind." He stood up and pulled out some money and placed it on the bar.

Havoc thought for a moment and he found himself blurting out a thought, "_She_ wouldn't want you to quit." Roy stopped, the mention of Hawkeye had a paralyzing effect on him. "She wouldn't want you to quit…" Havoc repeated, "If you quit, her sacrifice would have been in vain…"

Mustang let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. Havoc was right…her sacrifice…her _life_ would have been in vain. Quitting now seemed like it would desecrate her memory. He turned slightly to face Havoc, a mix of hatred and appreciation playing in his chest. "You're right. I just, I don't _feel_ like she's gone. There's something…I'm not sure what it is, I just _can't_ feel like she's gone…" Mustang's eyes wandered down to glance at something strange on the shoulder of Havoc's uniform. There was another star there…it marked him as a 1st lieutenant…Hawkeye's rank. "You've been promoted?" Mustang said a mix of a statement and a question.

Havoc only averted his eyes. He hadn't wanted to tell Mustang yet…it already felt wrong to him, he didn't want to have to push it on Roy too. "Don't get too comfortable in that position." Mustang said as he started toward the door, "She's _not_ gone."

I know this whole thing seems strange. Most of you are probably thinking, "Does he believe she's gone or not? He keeps saying that he wants to quit 'cause she's dead, but he keeps saying that she doesn't feel gone." The reason is that Mustang is fighting a war between his head and his heart. His head is saying that she's gone and she's not coming back, but his heart just can't let her go. …wow, that sounds profound


	6. Seeing is Believing

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: I hope all of you realized that in the last chapter her bloody clothes were in the package that the red headed military officer dropped off. Sorry this chapter has been so long in the works. I've got point A and point B, but getting to point B seemed to have caused a lot of problems :P

Chapter 6 – Seeing is Believing

Roy began to walk home. '_She's not gone…_' his heart screamed. '_She's not coming back…_' his head reassured. Neither side seemed to be able to gain the advantage. Roy felt sick; the inner battle was tiring and it seemed the world had gone mad. All he knew for certain was that if she really was gone, someone would pay. They'd taken Maes from him and he'd be damned if he let them take her too.

The sun began to sink and Roy could feel the night closing in on him. He felt the incoming darkness threatening to strangle him. The rain of the early morning had long since dissipated and from anyone else's point of view tomorrow looked hopeful.

Vomit rose in Roy's throat when he saw a familiar woman sitting on his front steps. It was an older woman, easily identified as Hawkeye's neighbor. Roy took a deep breath as he walked up to the woman.

"Oh it's you." The woman stated with a hint of surprise in her voice. "You're that colonel they told me to see? Roy Horse?"

"Mustang, Roy _Mustang_." He corrected her. He dreaded what she was here for.

"Oh I'm sorry. I _thought_ that 'Horse' was a peculiar name, but I've always been bad with names."

'_What do you want?_' Roy asked her in his head, '_Just tell me what you want so you can leave!_'

"I saw about Miss Riza's death in the evening post…and well, I have her dog." She said as she stepped aside revealing a rather depressed looking Black Hayate. When I read about what'd happened to poor Riza…well I just couldn't keep him. Not permanently anyways. I asked those people at the military headquarters what to do with him and they gave me your address, they said you could take him."

Roy bit the inside of his mouth and nodded. It seemed that nobody knew what to do with her things…they only thought to send her belongings to him. He felt that he was playing the grieving widower by accepting, but what was he supposed to do? He was the closest thing she had…

Solemnly he took the leash. Black Hayate immediately perked up and began barking happily. The woman smiled at the dog. "Well at least he seems a bit happier now. Since we found out, he appeared to have lost his spunk. But it looks as if the pup has taken a liking to you son." The woman said, pleased.

"Thanks." Roy replied, trying to be polite. A look of enlightenment crossed the woman's face. "Roy Mustang! I _thought_ that sounded familiar when you said it." She placed an understanding hand on his arm. "Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry about what happened to Miss Riza. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love."

Roy's eyes widened in surprise, "Excuse me?" The woman continued. "When my Joseph died I was just—"

"Wait." Roy said stopping her short. "W-who told you that I loved her?"

The woman suddenly realized she'd jumped to conclusions. "Oh, I'm sorry…I only assumed. Whenever I spoke to Miss Riza she always talked so highly of you. In fact I don't think I ever spoke to her without your name coming up…I'm surprised I didn't recognize you immediately. You look exactly the way she always described. You know, I think she even mentioned you the other day when she left her puppy…what was it she said…Oh yes! She said, 'I'll be back in a few days. I've got to run a few errands for Roy.'"

"S-she told you we were…involved?" Roy asked slowly. He couldn't believe that Hawkeye would tell an outright lie.

"Oh, no. I don't think she ever said it _directly_, but sometimes the stories she'd tell and just the way she spoke of you…I-I guess I just assumed. She always seemed to brighten a bit when she talked about you…" the woman added the last line as an attempt at condolence. "I think she genuinely cared about you…"

Roy cleared his throat awkwardly. All this talk of love was making him uncomfortable. "Well I should probably get Black Hayate inside…I'm sure its time for his dinner." The woman nodded, getting the hint that he wanted to be alone. She walked a few steps down his walk way and turn just in time to see his front door slam. '_Poor fool_,' she thought to herself, remembering the look in his eye when she mentioned how Riza spoke of him. '_He doesn't even realize he loved her…_'

As Roy walked inside, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror…he suddenly realized why the woman had mistaken him for Hawkeye's lover…he really _looked_ like a grieving widower. He attempted to wipe the look off his face, but no matter what expression he made at the mirror the same pain was reflected behind his eyes. Angrily he turned from the mirror…'_I didn't—I wasn't—we weren't_' he tried to reassure himself…not daring to put the word _love_ into his thoughts. He took his coat and gloves off, revealing once more his tarnished hands. His heart fell; he just wanted to wake up. This had to be some sort of horrible dream…

Roy bent down to unhook the leash from Black Hayate and the dog avoided him…not with fear, or even anger, but with happiness. The puppy wanted to play, but Roy was far from the mood. He tried to grab the dog's collar again and Hayate barked happily and did a little turn around. "I'm not in the mood Black Hayate." Roy said annoyed as he roughly grabbed the dog and held him still. As Roy struggled with the clip for the leash Black Hayate sniffed his hands. A small part of Roy expected the dog to realize what had happened…to blame him, maybe even bite him, but Hayate did no such thing. Much to Roy's surprise, the dog licked his hands. Roy had finished unhooking his collar and the lick had felt strange. He pulled his hands away from Hayate's tongue. The dog barked happily at Roy's face and licked him on the nose. Standing up and wiping his face Roy remarked, "You're the strangest dog I've ever met…only you would try to play with your master's murderer."

Even as he said it the word struck a cord with him…Murderer…that's what he was. It was his fault that Hawkeye was dead…it was his hands that were stained in her blood…he was the murderer. The bullet wounds may have come from someone else's gun, but even the old woman had admitted that Hawkeye had met her end doing something for him. He was the reason she was dead…and he had to make it right. Roy gulped loudly and held back his tears. He slowly stepped around Black Hayate and went into his room. The dog took the hint and ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. "Take it." Roy said to the pet. "I won't sleep tonight." Hawkeye's voice was still ringing in his ears "_Roy, Roy, Roy, Roy…_" Part of him wanted her voice to stop, to never hear it again, but part of him never wanted the voice to stop. It was all he had left of her…not counting the blood stains.

Roy flopped onto the bed once more. He felt like moping. Part of him wanted to just get up and rip apart the people that had done this to her…but part of him just couldn't find the will to carry on. "What's the point? It's not like I have a hint as to who she was after anyway…" The voice in his ears momentarily stopped, and a sighing rush of air filled his ears. The blood stains on his hands and chest seemed to have turned to ice.

The delicate outline of a woman slowly faded into view. As the figure began to fill itself in, Roy's eyes grew wider. With every finishing touch the ghostly apparition began to look like his very own Riza Hawkeye. Her golden hair was floating gently about her shoulders and she seemed to be dressed in some sort of flowing white nightgown.

Roy's heart leapt into his throat. "Hawkeye…" he breathed, scarcely afraid to believe she was real. The figure seemed to have finished filling in, but still wasn't quite solid. Roy could still see the entrance to the hallway through his former lieutenant's stomach. Her blonde hair created a small halo effect about her head that made her seem more like a dream. '_Please…if this is a dream, don't wake me up_.' He pleaded with his mind.

She smiled a small smile at him as if she'd heard his thoughts. Her eyes softened and in the soothing voice he'd been hearing all day she said, "Roy."

Roy couldn't contain himself, he jumped up from the bed and rushed to his former lieutenant. He tried to pull her into a tight hug, but caught nothing but cool air.

"Sorry about that…I'm not quite as substantial as I used to be." She apologized. Pain stabbed through Roy's chest. "You're not real are you?"

"I am…I'm real." She said. Instinctively she tried to put a reassuring hand up to his face, but remembered just in time that her fingers wouldn't be felt. "I'm just dead." He didn't say anything, but could only study her face…inside his mind he willed her body to solidify…to be alive again. Part of him started to wonder how she could possibly be here, but before he could coherently form the question, she continued. "I'm sorry about this morning Roy…I didn't want to leave you like that." His name echoed in his ears…it was the second time he'd seen it come from her lips. Despite hearing it a million times today in his ears, seeing her say it had a strange effect on him. "Was it you saying my name?" She nodded and said, "I'm surprised you didn't realize I was still with you sooner."

"I felt…I didn't feel like you were gone…"

She smiled slightly, "Thank you Roy."

"For what?" he asked. A suddenly wave of guilt hit him and he added, "For killing you? For letting you get hurt?"

She shook her head, "It wasn't your fault. I should have told someone…I just wanted to protect you."

"Well at least you held up your promise…I couldn't even do that." Roy countered. His mind flew back ten years…to Ishbal. _Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She screamed at him to get down. Just as he turned to see what she was talking about an Ishbalan man took aim at the two officers. She shoved him to the dirt and fired off two shots at the man. The two bullets found their mark, but the man wasn't quite done. Roy watched as the man slowly pulled the trigger, his weapon aimed at her heart. Hawkeye's reflexes weren't quite enough and the bullet lodged in her left shoulder. The impact of the shot pitched her backwards into the building they were standing in front of. Roy watched, paralyzed, as his comrade fell to the ground, her head and shoulder oozing a small amounts of blood. Suddenly things ran into fast forward and he could see himself pick her up in his arms and run with her. Several Ishbalan's had seen what had happened and were trying to fire on them. As he dodged their bullets a strange thought entered his head. He realized must have looked like a groom carrying his unconscious bride across a battle field. If he hadn't been so afraid he would have laughed. He ducked into an abandoned building unnoticed. Gently he laid his make-believe bride on the floor. Roy watched the scene as if he was someone else. The black haired boy that he used to be crouched on the floor next to the unconscious girl. "Please Hawkeye wake up…come on. You're going to be okay." He whispered to her. There wasn't a response and the boy began to panic. He began to order her to wake up…and then he tried bribery. "If you wake up, I-I promise I won't tell you to shut up anymore…you can tell me I'm an idiot anytime you want—please, just wake up." There still wasn't any movement from the girl. "I'm sorry…I should have listened…" he gently took the girl's hand, stroking it a bit in hopes it would bring her around. "I won't let you get hurt again…I promise. Please, just wake up."_

The memory burned bright in Roy's mind…it was the first time one of his unit had been injured in battle…he made a promise to himself that day that he wouldn't let them get hurt because of him.

"Roy you can't protect everyone…" she said. . She could see his pain visibly…it seemed to glow off of him like a blue aura. "Roy?" she said to get his attention. He looked up at her sadly…feeling the weight of her death resting on him, "…this morning, it meant a lot to me that you stayed." She said. "To be honest…I was a little scared."

He hung his head once more. "You wouldn't have been in that mess if it weren't for me."

Her patience was being tested to its limits. She hated it when he moped and she wasn't about let him spend the rest of his life doing it. "It's _not_ your fault and you can't go around thinking it was. You didn't kill me…and before you even try to pull the '_It's because you were protecting me'_ card let me say that it was my own fault that I was killed. I should have said something to someone. It was stupid for me to go in alone, but I thought I could handle it."

"Who was it?" Roy said, a new determination sparking in his eyes.

Hawkeye pulled back from him a bit, confused at his sudden change in subject. "Who was what?"

"Who was it that killed you?" he asked. He was ashamed that it hadn't occurred to him before, but now that he realized the well of information she would be, a new life burned within him…revenge.

She had worked with him for years, she wasn't stupid…she knew exactly why he wanted to know…the moment she revealed their names he would go after them…just as she had. "I can't tell you."

Roy's heart jumped in his chest, surprised at her insubordination. "Can't or won't."

She considered for a moment. "A little of both I suppose." He turned from her. '_What the hell is she thinking?_' he thought, '_I have the chance of killing the very people that took her from me and she wants to play games…_'

"Roy think about it." She said from behind him. "If I tell you who they were you'd just go after them…don't think I can't see it."

"I want justice for you." He said turning to face her.

"You want revenge." She corrected. "I'll tell you who they are, but not right now. It's nearly 11 and knowing you, you'd rush in alone thinking that you'd incinerate them all with a few snaps of your fingers."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." He replied to her. "Go in under cover of dark and strike when they least expect it."

"It sounded like a good plan to me too, until I was captured and murdered."

That shut him up. He gulped audibly. "Then what do you want me to do? You want me to sit here? Wait for Hiver and Reigns to find a clue when you can just tell me?"

"I'm not saying that, I'll I'm saying is that I _won't_ tell you until you're thinking more rationally. You need back up Roy, _trustworthy_ back up."

She stressed trustworthy and it rang in his ears…if he needed someone trustworthy, it meant that she knew not everyone in the military could be trusted.

She spoke again, "They're expecting you to take your revenge. They know we were…close." 'close' came out kind of forced and she averted her eyes for him. "I was bait, I was _planted_ on those steps." She seemed to choke up a bit after that and refused to speak. After a little while he realized she wasn't going to tell him anything until the next morning. "Go to sleep." She urged like a mother hen. He reluctantly laid on the bed. Before closing his eyes he stared up at her wavering form. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

She smiled at him, "I won't leave you."


	7. Love, Blood and Eli

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 7 – Love, Blood, and Eli

"I love you Roy." …they were words he'd heard his entire life from so many different women. When it got to the point when he was supposed to say it back…well, let's just say it was time to dump her. There wasn't a point in getting that close. Those women, as beautiful as they were, were always lacking. When one was beautiful, but lacked a brain, he dated a Beautiful Brain. When Beautiful Brain would get boring, he'd date someone Exciting and Enticing. When Ms. Exciting/Enticing became too exciting, he had to find someone a little more bland. It didn't matter who she was, but somehow she just didn't have what he was looking for. Every once in a while he'd find someone that was close to what he seemed to want and just as he'd really began to settle with her, she would mess it up and say "I love you Roy." And that was the end of that. He couldn't remember the last time he told someone he loved them…come to think of it, he couldn't remember a time that he was really in love. Maybe that was why he was so easily scared away by "I love you Roy." …how do you respond, when you're not sure what love is?

Roy snuggled closer to his pillow, trying to escape the oncoming daybreak. His hands and chest suddenly felt like ice and he snuggled himself into a little ball in hopes to keep warm. "Roy…" a voice said softly. "Wake up." Birds chirped in the background and Roy moaned softly. "Five more minutes Beautiful…" he replied sleepily. It was his standard line to whoever he was sleeping with. It was so much easier to call them 'beautiful' than trying to drunkenly remember their name. Suddenly his entire body seemed to ice over. He tried to huddle closer under the sheets but the freezing feeling wouldn't go away. His eyelids flew open as he uncontrollably shivered. What he saw was startling to say the least.

Hawkeye's face was centimeters from his own, and she had her icy hands on his shoulder. Well, actually her hands were _through_ his shoulder, but he didn't quite notice _that_ detail. Startled, he jumped backwards and rolled off the bed, landing in a funny lump on the floor. The events of the previous day had left him completely and several reasons why his Lieutenant was in his bedroom began to race through his mind. The first possibility and the most shocking was that he'd slept with her. He'd noticed that she was dressed in a white nightgown looking outfit…it was more than possible that something had happened…but he couldn't figure out how he'd gotten so drunk that he'd slept with _her_. Not only that, but that she'd _consented_! He leaned up and peeked at her from the edge of the bed. Riza fought the instinct to giggle; he looked like a deer in the headlights. Roy could clearly see _through_ Hawkeye's milky white form sitting on his bed…well more like _floating_. Suddenly the events of the night came rushing back to him. He tried to regain his composure as he stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry." She said, not quite as apologetic as she should have. "Its fine." He sighed, giving her a small death glare. Strangely, he had grown accustom to her translucent appearance over the short amount of time that she'd been back and part of him felt almost like she'd never left. He looked around his room for the shirt he'd discarded the night before, but before he found it, his reflection caught his eye. Her blood still stained his hands, an involuntarily pain coursed through his chest beneath another of her blood stains.

She watched him as he studied his discolored hands and chest in the mirror. The blue aura that she'd noticed the night before seemed to radiate even stronger from him now. She couldn't help but feel a little guilty about the situation…after all; it was her fault the blood was there. "I'm sorry about the blood."

He didn't say anything, but simply walked to the bathroom. He grabbed a rough scrubbing brush from beneath his sink and began to scrub violently at his hands. "Stop!" Hawkeye screamed out. She sounded in pain. Her shout had been abrupt and it startled him into stopping. Hawkeye's form wavered slightly in the air as if it were a heat wave. "Please don't do that…it's the only thing holding me here." He looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"The stains…they're all that's holding me here. The blood is what's connecting my soul to you. They're how I was able to get back."

He stared at his hands in horror. If he wanted to keep her here, he had to keep his hands stained with her blood. It was almost more than he could stand. He breathed deeply and stared at her translucent red eyes…he could stand it, for her. It was at the very least, what he owed her.

He tried to put the brush down gently, but his hands were shaking with horror and he ended up throwing the brush in the sink rather forcefully. Hawkeye's soul winced a little as the brush hit the porcelain and Roy stormed by her. He seemed angry, but she couldn't tell if it was at her, or himself. He made his way out of his room and started toward the kitchen. Hawkeye suddenly felt a pull in what used to be her chest. Her insubstantial soul began floating after him like a puppy on a string. She was a little surprised at this development, but she decided not to mention it to Roy just yet…no need to upset King of Crazy Emotions just yet by telling him that she was bound to him literally.

"Dammit." She heard him yell from about 10 feet in front of her. She floated into view to see her puppy ripping apart a box of cereal on Roy's kitchen floor. Today really didn't seem to be Roy's day…but just about anything was better than the emotional roller coaster he was thrown onto yesterday. He shooed Black Hayate away from the ruined cereal box and picked up the cardboard and plastic, leaving the cereal on the floor for Black Hayate to clean up in his own way. After throwing away the chewed box he rooted through the refrigerator for his own meal. Hawkeye floated over to the table and made herself appear as if she were sitting in one of the chairs. She found it made her feel better to pretend that she was still alive. Roy turned around after a few minutes of digging through the fridge and brought a beer and a slice of apple pie to the table. Hawkeye's eyes widened. "Please tell me you're not going to eat that."

Roy cocked an eyebrow at her as he sat down, "What's wrong with it?"

"What's wrong with it? For one, I can't believe you're going to eat pie for breakfast."

"Don't knock it until you tried it." He said smiling at her over his beer. "This is the best pie in the universe, and I think it's perfectly fine to eat anytime."

She rolled her eyes at him. "With the objections about the pie aside, you're drinking _beer_. What kind of start for a day is that?"

"A drunk one." He said. He was actually beginning to enjoy himself. Things had set themselves into some sort of bizarre normalcy and he rather liked it. He knew why she was objecting to his breakfast, but it was fun riling Hawkeye up.

She sneered at his smart ass remark. "Thank you Colonel Obvious. If I still had my body I'd make sure you ate something respectable…eggs, bacon and toast."

He let out a breathy laugh, "If you were back in your body I'd—" suddenly he stopped as if lost in thought. Hawkeye sat there for a moment waiting for him finish, but when he just continued to stare off into space she prompted him. "If I were back in my body you'd what?" She was almost afraid to ask.

He shook his head coming out of his thought, "I-I'd gladly eat whatever you fixed." He said. She looked at him suspiciously…he had a strange look about him, as if he was plotting something. She was broken out of her thoughts by him speaking, "So are you going to tell me who killed you?"

"Not until you pour out that beer." She said, she'd be damned if she told him anything while he was drunk.

He sighed at her and lazily got up and poured it out. "Will you tell me now?"

She lowered her eyes a bit. She felt stupid like she'd fallen into a hole and she couldn't get out without a big strong man to save her. "They call themselves Red." He cocked an eyebrow at her. '_That better not be all you know_.' He thought. She continued, "There's about 10 of them that I _know_ of, it's possible there are more. They were a few of the rebel soldiers that broke off from the military after Ishbal was over. They became mercenaries. I'd never even heard of them until a few weeks ago when one of my informants mentioned that he'd seen one of them following you."

"Your informant?" he asked, "Since when do you have informants?"

She averted her eyes, feeling like a child that was found with their hand in the cookie jar. "I've been having everyone in our unit tailed for the past year and a half."

"You've been having me followed!" he shouted. She winced a little at his raised voice. "What right do you have to tell someone to follow me!"

"I couldn't be around to protect you all the time _Mustang_." She said sternly, finally meeting him in the eye. They both noticed she'd dropped back to the safety of his surname. She was the old Hawkeye again…everything was _just business_. "You have no idea how many people are willing to get rid of you. Most of them are in the military. You're rise in the ranks over the years has the higher ups scared. They're not ready to relinquish their positions to you. They think that you're getting too powerful. I'm sorry if you think I over stepped my boundaries but if I didn't have my eyes on you, you would already be dead."

He sat back down, his nerves were raw and he was beginning to resent her. She was always mother-henning him…did she think he wasn't capable of taking care of himself? '_Go to bed', 'Don't eat that', 'I'm having you followed'_…the phrases rebounded around in his head and he glared at her. She ignored him knowing that she needed to tell the story whether he wanted to hear it or not. "My informant said that one of the members of Red was following you and had been for a few days. Naturally I told him to follow you more closely. After about a week Reigns told me that he—"

"Reigns is the one that's been following me?" Roy said, even more annoyed. He could easily picture the investigator in his mind. His sand blond hair was neat and orderly, and his steel blue eyes had stared so hard at Mustang, he would have sworn there were holes in his skin. To say the least the man had treated him less than cordially during his interrogation.

"Yes, it was Reigns that's been following you—" she started again, but was once more interrupted.

"I wonder how you managed to get that jerk to do you a favor." He mumbled angrily under his breath.

"_That 'jerk'_ was doing it because I asked him to, he happened to _care_ about me _Colonel_, believe it or not, there are a few people out there that do care about my existence." She stated angrily, but then realizing what she said, corrected herself, "_Did_ care about my existence."

"I care!" Mustang said, fuming.

"You could have fooled me." She replied in a steely sort of way. She crossed her arms, "Do you want me to tell the rest of the story or do you want to insult my friends some more?"

'_I want to insult your friends some more_.' He answered in a smart ass tone in his head. Instead he said, "Tell the story."

Slowly she uncrossed her arms and leaned forward on the table. "After about a week of following the Red follow you, Reigns sent me a message telling me that he'd found out where the Red's headquarters were. That was the note I got. When I got the note I knew that the best thing to do would to just go in and apprehend the one that had followed you, find out what exactly they were doing and why and then send him over to the prison. While we took in the rest of them…unfortunately, they were expecting me."

"He set you up!" Roy said stunned.

"He didn't." she replied, rather forcefully. "Eli wouldn't!"

The sudden use of Reigns' first name caught Roy off guard a bit, but refused to let it interfere with the fight. "He did, it's the only explanation."

"He didn't. It was Eli that didn't want me to go in alone." As she said it she felt herself remembering back to the last time she'd spoken with him.

_"You can't go in alone Riza." Eli said, his gray/blue eyes softly staring at her. "You could be hurt."_

_"I'll be fine Eli…I'm the best gunman the military has. There isn't one person that can get within a hundred yards of me." She replied back to him. She tried to give him a reassuring smile._

_"Please don't…at least let me go with you." He said, gently taking her hand. The hallway was empty; there wasn't a fear of being seen. She didn't pull her hands back from his…he was clinging to her and she didn't have the heart to pull away. "It's easier for one person to get in and out. I'll be fine. Don't worry."_

_He looked at her doubtfully. "I can't help but worry. I love you." He gently kissed her forehead and she pulled away a bit. "Please reconsider."_

_"No." she replied firmly, gently untangling herself from his advances. She gave him a smile of pity, turned on her heel and left_.

"How do you know that he didn't set you up from the beginning? You said that the military couldn't be trusted. How do you know that he wasn't in on their plans for the beginning?" Mustang asked. His heart was hardening by the moment for the investigator. It appeared he was the one responsible for Hawkeye's death…it only made sense that he should pay.

"Because…he was my friend." She said…she had to stop herself from saying that he loved her. The word Love was the one she wanted the farthest away from her mouth…no sense in complicating things even more.


	8. Tortured Tale

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

I don't eat pie for breakfast, I do have a tendency to eat ham sandwiches and of course the occasional ice cream… I don't see the problem either, but people are weird and they like to go off on the "Its not good for you" thing…like its good for you any other time of the day rolls eyes

Chapter 8 – Tortured Tale

The two were still fuming, but Hawkeye carefully put an end to the spat by ignoring it and continuing with the story. She took a deep (unneeded) breath and closed her eyes, trying to picture what Red headquarters had been like. "Red was operating out of an old meat packing plant…much like the one we arrested Barry the Chopper in. It'd been abandoned for a few years and it was a little decrepit. There weren't many ways in, but I found a few weak boards at the back of the building and snuck in." Roy had quieted down a bit since she began her monologue and she couldn't help but open her eyes to see if he was still there. He was staring at her intently with those determined black eyes of his. She struggled a moment as his eyes stared holes in her. She regained her train of thought and continued. In the background Roy's water faucet dripped. The only other noise in the kitchen was Black Hayate's quiet munching of the cereal. "I found my way into a back room and I hid there for a few minutes. There were some voices echoing around the complex, so I tried to be as quiet as possible. A few of the Red walked by my room and I followed them into a main room. There were boxes of grenades and guns spread throughout the room and I hid behind those as the two rejoined the rest of the group. There were about 6 in the room, the man I was looking for wasn't among them. He showed up later." Riza suddenly felt the events leading up to her death rushing back to her, flooding her essence. She felt even lighter, almost faint. She thought she closed her eyes as she tried to speak but she wasn't sure. She could see herself standing behind the crates of grenades, her gun at the ready. Riza could remember not wanting to shoot anyone and with this many people it would have been impossible to apprehend them all without shooting at least a few. The man that had been following Mustang wasn't with the six in the room. As Riza watched herself watch the criminals she heard someone come up behind her. Suddenly she was back inside her own body in her memory. The silent attacker landed a blow between her shoulder blades. The strike had been unexpected and she fell to the floor. Before she could try to stand up a heavy foot was in the center of her back, holding her down. A greasy hand took hold of her hair and slammed her head against the ground until she was unconscious.

Blackness enveloped Riza and she felt herself being completely lost in the emotions of the capture. When she awoke she was shackled to the wall with several dirty men making eyes at her. The one she could only assume to be the leader made a few snide remarks about the military not being nearly as intelligent as they thought they were. It suddenly became clear to her…they'd known. They knew she was coming.

She tried to come up with a reason as to why they could possibly want her. Overall she wasn't terribly important. If she were gone no one besides Eli would miss her. What would be the point? Her head ached too much from its earlier beating on the floor to really be able to reason through her rush of thoughts.

The leader came toward her and caressed her face with desire. The man had flaming red hair and for a moment Hawkeye wondered if he was the reason they called themselves "Red". All of the men looked at her hungrily…as if they hadn't seen a woman in years.

"Can we have a little fun, Boss?" a mousy man dared to ask the red head. The leader smirked evilly. "Of course. He didn't say anything about needing to keep her in perfect condition. His only request was to hold her here." The mousy man seemed to jump at the chance to use a woman. Just as he got close enough to touch Riza the red headed man knocked him off his feet. "Me first." He said. He took a set of keys from his belt and unlocked her hands and feet. He held onto her roughly and tried to drag her toward a back room. Hawkeye's head was still foggy but she did her best to resist. Her weapons had been confiscated and she glanced longingly back at them sitting on a table twenty feet away. Her eyes narrowed in determination and she roughly kneed the leader in the groin and ran toward her guns. Five men immediately jumped her. She never stood a chance.

"I wouldn't try that again if I were you." The man snarled at her. "I was being nice before…" He turned his attention away from her and shouted an order to his minions. "Take her to my room, chain her to the bed. We'll see how feisty she is after I kick a little of the fire out of her." Intense dread settled into Riza's stomach…there wasn't anyway out of this. She could only hope that Eli would try to play hero and rescue her. In the pit of her stomach, she knew no one was coming.

"Hawkeye!" screamed Roy's voice through her memories. "Hawkeye! Come back!"

Suddenly the world seemed to snap back into place. The warehouse was gone and she was back in Mustang's kitchen staring into his concerned eyes over the top of his kitchen table. "Where'd you go?" he said, seemingly on the brink of panic.

"What do you mean?" she ask, mentally shaking off the fog from her memories.

"You were telling me that someone knocked you out from behind and then you just faded into nothing." He explained as worry played across his charming features. "I was afraid I lost you." He added almost inaudibly. A jagged pained race through Roy's chest at the thought of losing her again. It'd been hard enough the first time.

"I'm sorry." She replied, realizing how deeply she'd plunged herself into her memories. "Where was I?"

"You said that someone knocked your head against the floor." He prompted.

"Oh yes," she said, relief washing over her. For a moment she feared she told him everything…including how they'd violated her. Carefully she picked up in her story, making sure to skip the part about how they'd violated her…how they'd fought over her like a pack of dogs and a bone. After her close encounter with the leader and a few others they'd brought her back into the main room where they'd kept her chained to one of the walls. The leader, who's name she later found out to be Flynn, didn't trust her and seldom let her out of his sight. "The next night I heard Flynn fighting with someone. I'm pretty sure it was the man that set me up."

"How could you tell?"

"He was mad at Flynn for letting his men beat me. Apparently, they'd made some sort of deal that someone was tell you that I was captured and wait for you to take the bait. He kept saying how I wasn't supposed to have been hurt." The memories still rang in her ears and she fought back the urge to drop back into them. "The man that set the whole thing up pretty much pressed Flynn's last nerve and he said that he was tired of listening to the military no matter how well he was paid. The man tried to protest, but Flynn shot off a few rounds and the man turned tail."

"Could you see them? Can you describe the man?"

Hawkeye was faced with one of the most challenging decisions she'd ever made. The military couldn't be trusted; Roy knew that, but could she really tell him how close to home the truth struck? Even in the dim light of the warehouse, the blonde hair and cigarette were seemingly unmistakable. It'd been dark…but there was little chance she was mistaken. "N-no…it was too dark, I couldn't really make the man out." She felt horrible for lying to him, but this entire mess was just too much for him to handle right now. His life was already falling like a house of cards around him…there was no need to help it along.

"Then what happened?" Roy said, leaning even closer on the table so not to miss a word.

"Flynn shot me."

The bluntness of her statement made Roy wince. "How'd you get on the front steps?"

Hawkeye had to concentrate hard. There had been a few hours while she was bleeding to death that she'd passed out. She couldn't remember being put in the car, but she did remember being wrapped in a coat. "I think the man that had been assigned to follow you took pity on me. I think it was him that dropped me there."

Roy's chest ached, the thought that she laid there in the dark until he found her was almost unbearable. There was no doubt, the men that did this would pay…all he needed was the right people to back him up.


	9. Life in a Box

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Prepare for a shock ;)

Chapter 9 – Life in a Box 

_"First Lieutenant Havoc, I'd like you to clean out Lieutenant Hawkeye's old desk."_ The words echoed in Havoc's head as he tentatively reached for the knob on the first drawer of Hawkeye's desk. His stomach felt like hundreds of insects were eating it from the inside out. All day yesterday and today he'd avoided looking over to Hawkeye's usual spot. The thought of not seeing her hunched over her paperwork, the thought of her not scolding Mustang for being lazy, just the thought that she would never be there again…it scared him. Hawkeye and he had never been the best of friends; far from it. In all actuality, he'd always thought she was rather scary. Though sometimes, he would catch her staring at Mustang in a sweet sort of way. It was moments like those he felt like he was watching a child sleep, she was so peaceful. He'd long suspected she may have had feelings for their commanding officer, but the actual thought of the two together seemed completely ridiculous, especially when they started fighting. Though there were times in Havoc's memory that he'd often felt like the third wheel with them. The two had shared something special that he could never quite grasp.

Her desk was fairly neat, the same way she'd left it on Monday. A few things to be signed were lying on her desk and there were a few papers in the drawers. He collected them all and put them in a box. Gently he picked up a paper weight that the unit had given her for her for her last birthday, it was a small bronze figurine of a dog scratching behind it's ear. Havoc smiled sadly at it. Their unit had all panicked when her birthday began approaching. _'What should we get her?', 'Should we get her anything?', 'Would she shoot us if we got her something?', and the less likely 'Would she shoot us if we didn't get her anything?'_ Once they decided that they _should_ get her something, none of them could decide what to get her. The paperweight had been Fuery's idea, though Mustang and Havoc had really wanted to get her a mini skirt just to see her reaction to the gag gift.

He sighed heavily at the trinket and put it in the box with her other possessions. '_Last drawer'_, he thought to himself as he sat in her chair and bent down to open the bottom drawer. He'd felt momentary relief at the thought of finally getting to finish this project, but after he opened the drawer he felt he just unleashed a Pandora's Box.

Beneath a manila folder was a small collection of personal items. A few pictures of people he could only assume to be her parents; a picture of a yellow haired child and General Grumman, there was even a picture of their unit. The one that struck him the most was a picture of Roy, it was much younger Roy, giving the camera his trademark smirk and holding out his State Alchemist's pocket watch. Havoc felt like he'd dived into Hawkeye's personal life. It was one thing to work with her, but somehow having a life of her own…having people she loved, it just felt so wrong to him. It wasn't that he'd never suspected that she had a family, he felt wrong for never having thought more about her. He'd spent the better part of three years working less than twenty feet away from her and he didn't even know that her father was the man that invented the Axel Clip. 'So many things left unsaid, so many questions left unasked.' He thought sadly as he tenderly laid her photos into the box. He looked back to close the drawer, but saw there was one last slip of paper in the bottom. It wasn't a photo, but a letter. Havoc studied Hawkeye's gentle slanted handwriting with complete and utter shock.

_Dear Colonel Mustang,_

_I've decided to resign from the military. I'm sure this must be a shock. I'm afraid I cannot continue serving under your command. I've thought long and hard about this decision and I believe it is the right one. My resignation isn't anything personal against you or anyone else of our unit. It is a personal matter that I must deal with myself. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise, but there comes a time in everyone's life when they realize that the road they've chosen isn't leading to where they want to go. This is my time, I'm sorry I can't follow you any longer._

_Sincerely,_

_First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye

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_

_Sorry for all the reposting, there were some issues in Ch5 I had to fix. Oh and as for this chapter, I'll explain everything soon ;) _


	10. Angel

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 10 – Angel

The rest of Thursday and Friday passed by quickly as Mustang went about running strange errands and making arrangements for Hawkeye's funeral. The two comrades slipped easily into a bizarre sense of normalcy. Hawkeye hovered closely behind Mustang as he went about his activities. Occasionally they talked, but the conversations often lulled and became a comfortable silence. It was interesting it never really felt like silence to Mustang. Living with Hawkeye was like living with someone that knew him better than he knew himself. It was heaven. There were several instances that she would practically read his mind. She knew what he thought before he thought it.

Hawkeye seemed different since she died. She smiled more, used his first name a little more. She appeared to be more comfortable with him than she had been before, as if a great wall between them had suddenly been knocked down. Mustang casually wondered if the wall could have been his rank. An overwhelming sadness washed over him, what would have happened between them if she'd been so relaxed when she was alive?

Hawkeye was having the time of her afterlife. Finally she was able to see Mustang for everything he was…and everything he wasn't. It only made her admire him all the more. Seeing him in his home environment exemplified his usual quirks and mannerisms. She smiled at him living on his own. Washing his clothes in a sloppy haphazard manner, dropping food on the floor and leaving Black Hayate to clean it up…he was a bachelor that was certain. Hawkeye's heart ached to feel her in his arms again. Those last few moments of her life had passed too quickly and she would give anything to just be there for a few moments more. Other than her intangibility it was perfect…almost like playing house. Hawkeye caught herself calling him 'Roy' more and more. Her secrets had been revealed to him and now she couldn't help but feel so light.

Havoc had told Roy not to come in until after the funeral on Monday so most of the weekend he spent with his nose stuck in a an alchemy book. Hawkeye wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but whatever it was it made her soul feel itchy

It was Saturday, and Roy was actively studying some old journal he'd pulled out from underneath a floorboard in his apartment. He'd been staring at the same page for nearly two hours and Hawkeye was beginning to wonder how much longer it would be before he stared his eyes right out of his head. She'd so rarely seen him so diligently working on something. She stared at the delicate curve of his face, so pensive…she wanted so badly to caress it's edge like she had those last few moments of her life.

Roy had been staring at that one spot on the page for nearly two hours and the alchemic array was burned in his mind. After about the first hour he became aware of how quiet Hawkeye had been. He knew she was still there, he could _feel_ her. It was a strange feeling, but he knew she was still there, floating just a few feet behind his head. It was just after the first hour that his thoughts began to wonder about her. What was it like? The question had nagged him for the better part of an hour and finally he couldn't hold it in any longer. "What's it like to die?"

His voice broke the silence and Hawkeye was jarred out of her improper reverie. "What'd you say?"

He was slightly afraid she'd take offence to the question, but as she made her way around the chair to face him he realized she really just hadn't heard him. "I asked, what's it like to die?"

Hawkeye thought for a moment and then crouched on the floor next to Mustang's feet. Staring up to his face with her most honest and sincere expression she said, "It was the most pleasant experience of my life."

Her answer surprised Roy so much his mouth almost fell open. "What do you mean? How could something like that possibly been 'pleasant'?"

Had Hawkeye still had blood, it would have rushed to her cheeks. "It hurt at first…when I was shot, but after a little while, the hurting just slowly stopped." She began, her memories taking over her body like they had a few days before, "I was lying on the steps waiting to die…I could feel the blood just slowly draining away. Then, suddenly, there you were, the rain was hitting your head so hard it bounced off and made this halo effect…you looked like a soaking wet angel." Her expression had become dreamy and Roy felt that she didn't really remember he was still there. She continued, "And for the first time you held me in your arms…you were so warm…It was all I could have ever asked for. You held me and told me that you'd never leave."

Roy's throat tightened as she described her last moments. He couldn't believe what she was saying…it couldn't be true. Those words she'd whispered to him that day on the steps, they couldn't be true. "I'm no one's angel." He replied, bringing her back to the present. Silently he closed his book and went toward his room. The tug of the invisible leash brought Riza to her feet. Solemnly she thought, '_You were an angel to me._'

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Just in case a few of you were confused, during the last chapter it was just a random superior officer that ask Havoc to clean out her desk. Roy hasn't been back to work since Riza died.  



	11. Epiphanies and Shiny Things

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: wooo! Sorry for the hiatus, I just turned in a 4 pg paper, 5 cubes (3D class) and 5 paintings. So for next week I've got to read 10 chapters, write an 8 page paper, do 5 more paintings and an in depth drawing of a still life…yup, I'm a little busy ;) Sorry the chappie's so short, if it'll make you feel better Riza's funeral is coming up next and stuff starts to really hit the fan.

Chapter 11 – Epiphanies and Shiny Things

The sun filtered into Roy's bedroom on Sunday morning. He opened his eyes lazily and smiled up at his former Lieutenant's expectant face.

"Morning." She said with a quiet smile.

"Morning" he replied back. He couldn't help but smile widely at her translucent face. She looked like an angel. '_My guardian angel'_ he thought casually. Strange how little random everyday thoughts can suddenly become epiphanies. There was something so reassuring seeing her there when he woke up. Part of him wanted to always see her there when he opened his eyes in the morning. The other part of him quickly pushed away the feeling…the very idea was dangerous. If he should actually develop feelings for her, romantic ones, what was he supposed to do? There's not much use in falling in love with a ghost.

"What's this?" Mustang asked as he opened a small velvet box he'd pulled from Hawkeye's dresser drawer. General Grumman had called that morning to ask Mustang if he'd be so kind as to box up Hawkeye's things. The General was on his way back in, but wouldn't be back at Eastern Headquarters until the morning of the funeral. Mustang had felt rather lopsided about the request. On the one hand he didn't want to have anything to do with Hawkeye's belongings. Her death was still fresh in his mind despite her spirit hovering over him. On the other hand he'd never actually seen the inside of her house and he was curious. In the end he couldn't help but agree to the terms. The General was really grief stricken over the loss of his granddaughter and Roy couldn't say 'no' to a man whose voice was cracking.

"That's nothing." Hawkeye replied quickly making a grab for the little box. Her hands disappeared as they hit the solid box.

Mustang couldn't help but look at her with question. Slowly he cracked open the little box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. "Who gave you this?" he asked as he pulled the ring from its velvet cushion. Hawkeye cringed behind him as he read the inscription out loud, "I'd do anything for you." Roy looked at her, clearly expecting an answer. Too bad she couldn't give him the answer. They stared at each other for a few moments and when she realized he wasn't going to continue until she answered she simply said, "I don't really want to talk about it…it's sort of complicated."

Roy could sense the discomfort of the subject so he dropped it. Unconsciously he put the ring back in the box and put it in his pocket. The rest of the day was filled with cardboard boxes and Hawkeye's gasps of "Don't open that!" "Be careful!" "That's too heavy for you" and Roy's personal favorite: "Don't look at that!" The most memorable event of the day being when he had to pack up her underwear drawer. The expression on her face was to die for. The two were both a little embarrassed when Roy happened to come across a silky red night gown that he couldn't believe she owned. Unwillingly Roy couldn't help but picture her in it…consciously he wiped his nose not quite sure if it was bleeding or not.


	12. Funeral

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 12 – Funeral 

Monday was beautiful…despite everyone's desolate attitudes due to the funeral. Roy dressed neatly in his military dress uniform and stood by silently as his subordinate's body was lowered into a newly dug grave. A few coworkers showed up and one or two cried, but for the most part it was a quiet ceremony. Havoc was there, as was the rest of their unit. Havoc looked strangely nervous for some reason, as if he were sitting on a bomb that was about to go off. Roy couldn't quite figure out his reasons for such a show of anxiety, but Hawkeye couldn't help but suspect his reasons for being jumpy. '_What kind of person murders someone and then goes to their funeral?_' she thought with disgust. General Grumman was there as well. Mustang's heart fell as he watched a few tears rolling down the man's face and off the edges of his mustache. Roy knew that if it weren't for Hawkeye's spirit standing next to him at the moment, he would have been worse off than her grandfather.

The priest didn't really have much to say, just the usual charade: _"Your loved one will be missed, she was a good person, loved everyone, she's in a better place now…"_ too bad the words fell on deaf ears.

General Grumman was called to say a few words next. The man's heart seemed to break with every word that fell from his lips. "I won't lie to you, my granddaughter wasn't the easiest woman to get close to, but she loved you all. She was a good person, she may not have stood out in the crowd, but she stood by what she thought was right. She was all I had left, and I hope when I leave this world I'll see her again…the only thing I could possibly wish for was that I had died in her place. She was so full of life—" his voice cracked abruptly and he was seized by a fit of tears. The priest sensing that General Grumman had said all he was able to, took the audience's attention once more. "Mr. Mustang, I believe you had also wanted to say a few words?"

Mustang made his way around the mourners to the head of the grave, Hawkeye's spirit being tugged silently behind him. "Apart from General Grumman here, I suppose I knew Hawkeye best. She was a perfect soldier, but most importantly, she was an irreplaceable friend. Her elusive smiles lit up the office, and her attitude was often what kept me in line." It was then Mustang looked away from the crowd and stared deep into Riza's translucent eyes and said, "I would do anything to get her back." The power of the statement almost made Riza gasp for breath…that is if she'd needed breath.

The rest of the service went by quickly, just a little of the "ashes to ashes…" speech and people were heading to their cars. Only a few remained on the hill, Eli Reigns was one of the few. Roy narrowed his eyes at the officer_, 'Some friend you were, you're the reason she was killed…if only it had been you_.'

Riza stood sadly next to her former commanding officer. "Its strange." she said to him.

"What is?" he asked quietly under his breath.

"Standing next to my own grave…it's not really something you plan out in your future." She replied. Just as she said it she caught sight of Eli occupying a chair a few feet away, his body hunched like a beggar, a few tears falling to the ground in front of him. Her heart fell. '_Poor Eli, I'm not surprised you're taking this hard_.' "Colonel?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you do me a favor?" she asked tentatively, never taking her eyes from Eli. "Could you tell Eli something for me?"

"No." Roy said simply. His answer surprised Hawkeye, to tell the truth it surprised Mustang. It wasn't that he didn't want to help Hawkeye, it's that he didn't want to help Reigns. Maybe he blamed Reigns for Riza's demise, or maybe in some strange way it was jealousy, but either way, he wasn't willing to talk to that man. Roy couldn't help but feel that Reigns deserved everything he got.

"Please Roy." She stated. There it was again, his name. He wasn't sure what it was, but every time she said it, it made his heart melt…he just couldn't say no to her. "All right…" Uncomfortably, Roy made his way over to where Reigns was sitting. The man, so engrossed in his own grief he didn't even notice Roy at first. Mustang looked at Hawkeye, '_What am I supposed to say?_' he thought in her direction. His expression was easy enough to read.

"Tell him you're sorry." She urged him. He narrowed his eyes at her. _'I couldn't be sorry if I tried._' Mustang thought annoyed. Riza gave him a mournful look and he sighed heavily, apparently this meant a lot to her. Mustang cleared his throat to catch Reigns' attention. Eli lifted his tearstained face to look up at Roy. Seeing it was him, he quickly wiped his face. "I'm sorry, Reigns." Mustang mumbled.

"Tell him it wasn't his fault." Hawkeye said, never taking her eyes from Eli.

Mustang glared at Hawkeye's translucent form, but repeated the words anyway, "It wasn't your fault."

"You don't understand." Eli replied. "Riza was everything to me. She was so kind, so sweet. I can't believe she's really gone." Another tear slid down his face but he didn't wipe it away, he only hung his head in complete exhaustion. Mustang threw Hawkeye a questioning look, but Hawkeye had long since stopped paying attention to him. She knelt down next to Eli's chair and attempted to console him. Her nonexistent fingers glided over his forehead and down his face, trying to wipe away his tears. "What do you want me to say?" Mustang whispered to her soul, his annoyance growing every moment. He couldn't stand how she was doting over him.

"Tell him I cared about him…that I wish I could have told him 'yes'." She said, studying Eli's face.

Mustang threw her a puzzling look, "Yes to what?"

"Never mind, just tell him I cared about him. He's a good man."

Mustang pushed her strange comment out of his head and repeated her words to the broken man before him. "She cared about you, she said that you were a good man." Slowly Roy turned to go, but Eli's voice stopped him.

"She always said that you were a good man too."

Resolutely, Roy continued walking down the hill toward the car. About halfway down the hill near a tree, he happened upon Havoc, still looking jumpy. As soon as he noticed Mustang he made a beeline toward him. "Colonel, can I have a word with you?" Mustang nodded. This was a strange time to have a conference. "Sir I was instructed to clean out Hawkeye's desk." He started.

Riza's eyes widened and she would have done anything just then to shut him up just then. Havoc pulled a paper from his pocket and handed it over to Mustang. "I found this in her desk…I wanted to know if you knew she was planning on resigning."

Roy's eyes rushed over the note, taking in its message. This couldn't be, why would she quit? It was ridiculous, she promised she'd follow him to the top. How could she? Roy turned to face Hawkeye, "Why?" he asked, nearly frantic. As Havoc watched his commanding officer ask the tree standing next to him a question, he wondered if Mustang had lost his mind.

"Sir? Why are you talking to a tree?"

"Leave us!" Mustang shouted at him, completely ignoring the words in Havoc's statement. More than a little unnerved by the whole display Havoc walked back over to the car to wait.

"Explain yourself!" Mustang shouted at her.

Hawkeye avoided his gaze as long as possible. "I'm sorry, you were never supposed to see that."

"Then why did you write it? What were you thinking? Why were you going to quit!"

"It was something personal, Sir. I dealt with it myself." She responded.

"What could have been so dire that you were going to quit? What couldn't you tell me? I could have helped you, I could have—." Roy started but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Why are you talking to a tree?" Mustang knew who it was before he turned around. Upon turning around (and looking down) his eyes confirmed his fear. Edward Elric stared up at him with one eyebrow cocked. "Are you okay?" he asked.


	13. Playing With Fire

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: the flash back is supposed to be at the end of "Flame vs. Fullmetal"

Chapter 13 – Playing With Fire

Alphonse Elric watched his brother and the Colonel talk halfway down the hill. He felt bad for the Colonel; he knew what it was like to lose someone close. Al knew that the Colonel would be taking this hard…after all, this was the second friend he'd lost this year. Sadly, Al looked back at Lieutenant Hawkeye's new dug grave and read her headstone.

Riza Hawkeye

Beloved Granddaughter

Respected Soldier

Loyal Friend

1889-1914

Alphonse smiled inside, the headstone was rather fitting. Hawkeye hadn't said much, but she seemed to embody all of those things. Staring at the grave marker, he couldn't help but think back to the one really deep conversation he'd had with her.

_"I guess now they're forced to work together." Hawkeye stated as she watched Ed and the Colonel cleaning up the debris from the mock duel they'd had. Al stared out past his brother, out to the setting sun. The sky's deep blue had faded into a fantastic orange as the sun had set…despite the crazy day, the sunset was calming. Al turned to the Lieutenant to mention the everyday miracle, but he noticed she wasn't paying him any attention. Her eyes were locked onto Mustang's body, watching as he took off his dress shirt and threw it onto a nearby pile of debris. Alphonse studied Hawkeye's face as her eyes drank in every last drop of the scene before them. Slowly, she closed her eyes and lowered her head. It reminded him of a kid he saw once in a store. The kid didn't have quite enough money to buy what he wanted, so he dropped his head and wandered out of the building._

_"Does he know?" he asked._

_The Lieutenant's head perked up and she opened her eyes as if she'd awoken from a dream. "What did you say?"_

_"I asked if he knew." Al repeated, motioning his head slightly toward Mustang to indicate the "he" he was referring to._

_Hawkeye averted her eyes, "Does he know what?"_

_"That you care about him."_

_Hawkeye gulped slightly, "Am I so obvious?" she asked._

_Al shook his head, "Not really, you just remind me a bit of my mom…when she talked about my dad coming home."_

_Hawkeye turned her gaze back to the Colonel. "He doesn't know, and I don't plan on telling him."_

_"Why not? If you care about someone, you should tell them…they might not always be there." He added, remembering his mother._

_"If I told him, it wouldn't change our relationship. He would still be my commanding officer, and I'd still just be his subordinate."_

_"But what if he felt the same way—"_

_"He doesn't, Alphonse." She said, interrupting him._

_"How do you know he doesn't feel that way if you haven't told him?" Al persisted._

_"It would just make things awkward. Especially if he didn't feel the same way." She replied._

_"I think you're just making excuses." Al bluntly stated._

_"Al, he goes out with hundreds of women, he barely notices I'm a female."_

_"I think you're just afraid of getting your heart broken."_

_Hawkeye turned and looked him straight in the eye, "Maybe I am afraid. Is that so wrong? I can think of a hundred different reasons why I shouldn't say anything."_

"_But—" Al started._

"_Alphonse, didn't your mother ever teach you what happens when you play with fire?"_


	14. Unwilling Help

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: I hope I didn't butcher Ed's character too badly, I've never written for him before. I'm not crazy about how Mustang came out in this chapter, but his behavior should make sense in the next chapter. 

Chapter 14 – Unwilling Help

"Why are you talking to a tree?" Mustang knew who it was before he turned around. Upon turning around (and looking down) his eyes confirmed his fear. Edward Elric stared up at him with one eyebrow cocked. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I-I'm fine…I was just—thinking out loud." Mustang replied quickly.

"Okay…" Ed said, not completely convinced. Mustang averted his eyes and glanced back up the hill toward Hawkeye's grave, anything to escape Ed's embarrassing gaze.

Ed mistook Mustang's body language, and thought he was thinking about Hawkeye's death. "I'm sorry about what happened to Lieutenant Hawkeye…she was a good person."

Mustang was surprised at Ed's sympathy, but took it sincerely. "Yeah, she is." He replied, his anger at her boiling down to barely a simmer.

Ed noticed Mustang's use of "is", but tried to ignore it. The Colonel had been through a lot, surely he just hadn't quite got over the shock. "I heard you were there when she died." Mustang nodded, his mood plunging from anger to sadness. Despite Hawkeye's spirit barely 3 feet from him, the memories of that morning were still disturbing. He nodded to Ed's statement and Ed continued, "Do you know who killed her? Could it have been Scar?"

"No, she was shot. That's not really Scar's way of doing things. I've got a few leads on her murders, but nothing I can look into until I get a new first lieutenant." Roy replied.

"What about Lieutenant Havoc? Wasn't he promoted?" Ed asked.

"No, it's really important that I get just the right person to help me on this assignment." Mustang replied, giving Ed a small smile. The smile unnerved Ed just a touch. '_I hope he doesn't mean me_.' He thought nervously. It wasn't that he didn't want to catch Hawkeye's killers. Hawkeye had been a kind person…even if she had a habit of siding with the Colonel. For the most part, he didn't want to take part in a crazy revenge plan for someone he didn't know that well…besides, if Hawkeye's killers to get to her, what chance did he have?

"You know…I could actually use your help." Mustang said. Ed's eyes widened.

"I don't know about that…you know me and Al are going to head out tomorrow night to look at a lead over in the west—I really can't come with you—" Ed started.

"Who said anything about coming with me? I just want you to look at something for me."

Ed couldn't help but cock an eyebrow, "What exactly is it you want me to do?"

"We'll discuss that later…can you drop by my apartment tonight, say eight-ish?"

Ed was still a little freaked out by the Colonel's bizarre behavior. Not only did his behavior seem out of character for him, but out of character for the Lieutenant's funeral. Ed couldn't help but wonder if the Lieutenant's death had finally made him go completely nuts. Either way, Ed wasn't really sure he wanted to be alone with the Colonel. "I don't know Colonel, I've really got to—"

"I could _order_ you to come." Mustang reminded him. After studying his face for a moment Ed realized that there wasn't really a way out of this. Well if he agreed, he could at least bring Alphonse along in case things got too weird. Reluctantly Ed nodded and said, "I guess I'll see you around 8 then." Ed turned on his heel and made his way up to the grave to gather Al.

"Oh and Ed," Mustang called after him, "Don't bring Alphonse."

Ed's skin crawled. '_That man knows just how to get under my skin_.'


	15. Mirror, Mirror

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: I hope Roy didn't seem like a pedophile last chapter… 0o

Chapter 15 – Mirror, mirror

An uneasiness crept into Ed's stomach as he knocked on the Colonel's door at 8:05 that night. Mustang's behavior from earlier was unnerving. Ed prayed to no one that nobody was home. The Colonel wasn't his favorite person, and after his tree talking display today, he wasn't exactly rushing to find out what Mustang wanted him for. Ed couldn't help but wonder if Hawkeye's death had finally pushed him over the edge.

Inside Roy was just as nervous. He knew that Ed would most certainly say "no", but he had to at least ask. Hawkeye's spirit watched him take a deep breath and answer the door. "Edward, right on time."

Ed nodded stiffly and gingerly stepped inside. He stood still and watched as Roy closed the door quietly. The two men stood uncomfortably in silence until Ed said, "So, what did you want my help with?" he couldn't help but gulp, almost afraid to ask. Roy jerked to attention, as if he'd been contemplating what to say. "Oh! Its back here." Roy said as he motioned Ed to follow him into his bedroom.

All the furniture had been moved against the walls and on the floor was a very familiar alchemic array. In the center of the array was a collection of several elements, Ed didn't have to ask what they were, he knew them all too well. Immediately he turned to Mustang. "No!" he shouted. "I'm not going to help you kill yourself trying to bring her back."

"Ed, if you'll just—"

"No! Nothing you can say to me will change my mind. Human transmutation is suicide."

"Ed, please, just hear me out." Mustang pleaded. Ed stared holes in his commanding officer, but didn't say anything. "You are the only one that can help me. I've had my own theories on human transmutation, but you've actually attempted it. I need you to guide me—you don't even have to stay, I just want to you look over my calculations."

"No." Ed replied firmly. He watched Mustang's face fall and he couldn't help but soften a bit. He hated the Colonel for the bastard he was, but somehow he couldn't be angry at him for turning to alchemy to solve his problems…after all, he was guilty of it himself. Ed tried to console him a bit, "Nothing you can do will bring her back. When people die, that's it. Life only goes in one direction. She's gone."

Roy locked eyes with his young charge, "You're wrong, she's not gone." Ed was beginning to feel a little freaked out again. "What are you talking about Colonel?"

"Ed, I think I know what went wrong when you tried to transmute your mother—" he started.

"It wasn't enough." Ed replied, looking at the ingredients in the middle of the array. "We could make a body, but we didn't have anything to use for a soul."

"Exactly. Which is why _this_ will work." Roy urged him.

The comment caught Ed's attention and he stared at the man. "What do you mean?"

"I have her soul." Roy said.

Ed couldn't help but sigh, "Memories aren't enough, just making a body and putting memories into it won't make it Hawkeye."

"I'm not talking about memories Ed, I'm talking about her soul."

Hawkeye watched the entire scene helplessly. It wasn't until he started drawing the array on the floor earlier that day that she realized what he was going to do. She'd screamed at him for hours that she refused to let him do it, but considering she wasn't substantial they were empty threats. Now she watched the two alchemists argue over her fate and she mentally cheered Edward on_. 'At least one of them has some sense_.' She thought.

"I know it's hard to believe, but I swear Hawkeye's soul is here, in this room." Roy urged.

"Roy, you're tired. This whole thing has been traumatic. You're acting delusional."

"I'm not crazy, I swear she's standing right next to the mirror!"

Ed sighed in frustration and gestured to the mirror, "There's nothing there!" just as he said the words he glanced in the mirror, and much to his surprise there was a reflection, not of just two people, but of three. "HOLY SHIT!" he screamed and fell backwards.

"What? What is it?" Roy asked, not realizing that Ed could see Hawkeye's reflection.

"She's—there's—holy shit!" was all Ed managed to get out of his mouth. Luckily it was enough to set the wheels turning in Roy's head, "You mean you can see her!" he asked, his eyes widening.

Ed's head nodded frantically. "S-sh-she's in the mirror!"

Roy looked back at the startled Hawkeye. A slight bit of confusion passed over his face, "She's not in the mirror, she's standing next to it."

Ed was still too frightened and surprised to really argue, but Hawkeye seemed to pick up on the plausible explanation. "Colonel, maybe he's seeing my reflection."

"It's possible." He replied.

"Who are you talking to?"

"To Hawkeye, can't you hear her?" Roy asked. It seemed only logical, if Ed could see her, he could hear her.

"There's no one there!" Ed whimpered, saying it as if he was trying to convince himself more than Mustang.

"There is! She's here, you can see her for God's sake!" Roy shouted at the blonde haired youth that still sat paralyzed in fear on his floor. The boy started to shake his head once again, but Mustang interrupted, "It's her soul Ed. I told you it was here in the room." Ed still seemed too terrified to really say anything, but he seemed to calm down a bit when he noticed that Hawkeye wasn't going to hurt him. After a few minutes his composure came back, little by little. "How—?" Ed started.

"I'm not totally sure…I think it has something to do with the blood stains." Roy said, glad someone besides him actually believed she was still there.

"Blood stains?"

Roy nodded and took off one of his gloves. "I wasn't just there when she died, she died in my arms."

Ed's throat tightened as he stared at the Colonel's blood soaked hands. The copper color affected his skin like a bad rash. His attention was drawn back to Mustang's face as the Colonel knelt on the floor next to him. "Please Ed. You're the only one that can help me. I have to do this…she's all I've got left."

For the first time since they'd met Ed saw a completely different man than he once knew. He was no longer the cocky conceited man he met that day he first rolled into Central. Ed looked into the eyes of a broken man, hanging to his last hope. Ed couldn't help but be reminded of the eyes of his brother just after their mother died. 'What are we going to do? How can we carry on with out her?' he'd asked as they'd stood by her grave. Ed couldn't turn down those eyes 3 years ago, and he couldn't turn them down now. He may have hated the Colonel, but he couldn't stand in the room next to Hawkeye's soul and turn the two down. Reluctantly, he looked back at the mirror Hawkeye's soul was standing next to. At first her back was to the mirror, but just as he was about to look away he saw her turn toward the mirror. He almost had to catch his breath as he watched a small smoky tear flow from her eye. It seemed that she wanted this just as much as Mustang did. With a resolute heart Ed turned to face his commanding officer again, "Where's your calculations?"

* * *

Okay, tell the truth, who didn't see this coming:P 

You might be pondering "How could Ed see her reflection in the mirror, but not see or hear her?" The anwser to that lies within the theory of vampires. They say vampires don't have reflections right? They also say that vampires don't have souls...so it only seemed logical to me that a soul would cause a reflection (at least in the realm of the supernatural). If you've got a prob with that explaination, oh well, it makes sense to me.


	16. Rain

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Wow, short chappie, I know. It's not on the Human Transmutation yet, I promise I'm totally getting to it in the next chapter. I just sort of felt the need for Ed to reflect and stuff...is it just me or is this a really rainy kind of fic? Somehow I feel like I've used it a lot... I hope this chapter doesn't sound to cliche, it felt needed...I hope that makes sense, but it probably doesn't

Chapter 16 – Rain

"I think that's it." Ed said after an hour of checking and rechecking Mustang's calculations. Mustang stood up slowly after putting the finishing touches on the forbidden array. Ed stood back to admire their deadly work. He'd never really thought of Mustang as an alchemist before this…usually just as a dog of the military, but upon reading his notes, Ed realized just how talented Mustang really was. There had been times while they were working that Ed had felt he couldn't go on, the arrays, the calculations brought back too many horrible memories…the memories of Al's body just fizzling away, the terrifying face of their makeshift mother. As much as he wanted to stop, one look at the colonel's face told him he couldn't. If Ed didn't help, Mustang would continue anyway…at least with Ed there they had a chance of getting it right.

"Thanks Ed." Mustang said, extending his hand out to shake. As Ed took it Mustang continued, "You don't know how much this means to me." Their hand drifted apart and Ed replied, "I think I do." Mustang gave him a sad smile, Ed probably understood him better than anyone right now. He turn to leave, he knew he couldn't stay for the transmutation, it brought back too many memories. Besides, something about this whole mess seemed really private, just for the Colonel and Lt. Hawkeye. Just as Ed reached for the door, Mustang's voice stopped him. "Ed. Could I ask you one more favor?" Ed turned and silently nodded. Mustang took a deep breath and said, "No matter the outcome of tonight, please don't tell anyone about this…not even Al." Ed nodded once more and let himself out. It was desperately dark outside and the rain drenched him in a matter of moments. Edward took a deep breath and let a few of the raindrops drip along his lips and eyelids. He couldn't help but feel he just helped someone commit suicide. As the rain soaked his hair and clothes thought of a story his mother told him once. She'd told him that the rain was heaven's way of crying…of helping the earth cleanse itself. He couldn't comprehend then how crying could be helpful, but Trisha had tried to help him understand.

--

"_How can crying help anything?"_

_She smiled sweetly at her son. "Sometimes, crying is the best way to get things out, give yourself a clean slate. Sometimes, good things come out of the bad."  
_  
"_That doesn't make any sense." The small boy replied._

"_I'm sure it'll make sense one day."_

"_Well it doesn't matter anyway…Heaven's not crying, I studied about the rain in school…its just condensation and evaporation."_

_-- _

He hated himself now for correcting her; why couldn't he just pretend that he was still innocent? Despite all the science he knew, all the equations he could conceive, he silently wondered if someone up there was crying for him. Crying to help heal the pains of this life. He wondered slightly, if someone was up there trying to help something good come out of all this bad.


	17. Have Faith

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Drumroll please! The moment you've all been waiting for--

Chapter 17 – Have Faith

The moment of truth had finally come. He was really going to bring her back. Roy took a ragged breath and stepped nervously to the edge of the circle. In the background thunder rolled. Roy couldn't help but wonder if this was how Dr. Frankenstein felt right before he breathed life into his monster. Hawkeye's soul floated miserably in the corner, her back turned to him. She hadn't said a word while the two alchemists had worked and she still remained silent.

"Hawkeye? I need to you to come to the center of the array for this to work." Mustang said, a little afraid to break the silence. He knew she wasn't happy with what he was about to do, but she didn't really have much say in the matter.

"No." she said, still facing the corner. "Ed might be willing to let you risk your life for me, but I certainly won't let you kill yourself just because you can't accept death."

"Hawkeye, look at me."

"No." she replied defiantly.

Resolutely, Roy walked to the corner she was floating in and walked _through_ her. He turned to face her, only what he saw surprised him. Smokey tears were floating down her cheeks and she appeared to be shaking. Suddenly concerned he asked "What's wrong?"

Her face suddenly changed from sadness to anger, "What's wrong? You're going to commit suicide trying to bring me back! It won't work!"

"It will. Even Fullmetal agreed that our calculations were perfect."

"Ed thought his calculations were perfect the first time and look what happened! Al is living the rest of his life as an empty shell and Ed lost an arm and a leg! Do you really want to pay the same price? Who do you think will be here when _your_ body is taken?" Hawkeye asked. Roy had never seen her like this. She'd been mad at him before, but this was different, maybe it was because he'd never seen her cry before.

"Ed's first human transmutation would have been successful, but they didn't have their mother's soul…this _will_ work."

"I wish I could believe that." She replied.

"Do you trust me?" He asked. The question caught her attention and she looked him square in the face.

"Yes."

"Since the first time we met, you've always been the one to have faith in me. You believed in me even when _I_ didn't think I could keep going. I thought of quitting after I lost Maes, but you never stopped believing that I'd make it to the top. Please, you had faith in me then, have faith in me _now_." Roy said.

She was silent for a moment, but then she said, "I suppose if you die we can spend the rest of eternity together."

"In fifty years, I'll be happy to." He said with a smile. She smiled back at him and hovered her way over to the array.

Terrified she looked at the circle draw on the floor. It looked so complex…could he really manage such a complicated transmutation? One look at him blew away every doubt. As she floated in the middle of the array she closed her eyes.

While she floated in the center, Roy removed a knife from his top drawer that he'd been storing there ever since he decided to do the transmutation. With the knife in his right hand he stared at his copper colored palms. It was her blood, but the only way to get it off was to take a bit of his skin with it. He took a deep breath and cut off a piece of the heel of his hand. The pain was horrible, but one look at her floating there in the center and he knew he could endure. He looked at the piece of flesh and noticed his blood was flowing over hers in a few places. The two bloods appeared to mix. He looked at her floating there in the middle of the array and smiled through the pain…she'd given him everything, her time, her loyalty, her life, and herself…Roy couldn't help but realize that by throwing in a bit of his flesh, he would become a part of her. Quietly, so not to alarm Hawkeye, he put the piece of himself in with the rest of ingredients.

"You ready?" he asked as he stood in front of her, carefully concealing his wound. He knew if she saw she'd be upset. She opened her eyes to see him staring at her. Their eyes locked, and Roy could feel his breath become shallow and raspy, all he wanted at that moment was to hold her and never let go. '_First things first_,' he told himself, '_she needs a body_.' Never breaking eye contact he crouched on the floor. Slowly, he put both hands on the array, thinking carefully about everything that had to take place in the transmutation. All the ingredients for the human body were carefully piled in the center of the array. A flash of blue light suddenly burst from the circle and the two watched as the ingredients began to construct the bones. As the blue lights of the transmutation danced, one by one the layers of the human body were laid upon the created skeleton, muscles, organs and veins began forming over the bones, then skin began wrapping itself over the twisted ligaments and muscles. The skin hadn't covered everywhere…it'd missed a place. Her heart, Roy could still see straight to her heart through her ribs and he was afraid that something had gone wrong, but suddenly the piece of flesh he'd taken from his hand lent itself to the cause. Blue light encircled the spot as it sealed itself in seamlessly. Hair began sprouting from the top of the head. Suddenly, the body jerked and its eyelids flew open, the two empty sockets were quickly filled with eyes. The lips and nose began to clearly form. The body seized and the mouth snapped opened. Hawkeye's soul could feel herself being pulled into the body like being sucked into a vacuum. She was in the body completely, and Roy couldn't see her any longer. He nearly panicked, but he held himself back, any change now could botch the entire transmutation. The room began to get hotter as the reaction sped up, smoke started to fill the room and he couldn't see the body any longer. Suddenly it hit him…the equivalent exchange. He knew exactly what he was giving up, he could feel it being pulled from his body as the blue lights flashed through the dirty smoke. His energy was being sapped and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on.

And then, it was quiet. The lights had gone and smoke had filled the room. Exhausted he fell to the floor, his breathing shallow.

* * *

What did he give up? Is he still alive? Did the transmutation work? All happy little questions you'll have to save for another time b/c I'm still writing the next chapter. ;p Feel free to chuck books at my head for leaving you on a cliff hanger  



	18. Inside Out

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Woo! I was starting to think people had forgotten me  Hold onto something, this chapter is more than a little bumpy!

Chapter 18 – Inside Out

Roy Mustang awoke half an hour later feeling rather dizzy and sick. His world felt pulled inside out and his eyes were watering. The smoke from the transmutation had settled in his lungs and he coughed for a few moments. The inside out feeling had made him feel disoriented and for a moment or two he didn't even recall the amazing event that had just happened…that is he forgot until a small moan from the corner of the room brought all the memories rushing back to him.

He leaped to his feet, but his knees creaked noisily beneath him and he couldn't move as quickly as he'd planned. He felt tired and stiff…but that was to be expected. Just across the room the naked body of a young woman was laying on the floor…unmoving. Roy held his breath, terrified that something had went wrong. What if her soul hadn't attached itself to the body? What if it was just an empty shell? Or what if the soul was there, but the body had failed to come to life!

His unconscious prayers were answered when the woman's blonde head moved slightly to the side, and her mouth let out a small moan. Roy's heart leapt to his throat. Could he have really done a successful human transmutation? By all logical accounts it really shouldn't have worked…but then again, the idea of ghosts was far from logical, but she had been one. Unable to contain himself any longer he rushed to her side. "Hawkeye…" he breathed, cradling her head in his lap. Slightly embarrassed that he didn't notice it at first, he happened to realize that she was nude. He averted his eyes and reached for his trench coat that was hanging off the edge of his bed. Carefully so not to disturb her head, he covered her new body with the black coat. The head in his lap moaned again and at last her new eyes fluttered open. They raced around wildly in a random fashion, much like an infant's first glance at the world. After a few moments it seemed that she was beginning to realize what was going on. The woman looked up at her savior and spoke the first word of her new life, "Hi."

He smiled so wide his face ached, "Hi yourself." Her voice was the same, the eyes were the same, the hair was the same…it was almost as if her life had never skipped a beat.

Hawkeye tried to sit up, but then realized that there was only a trench coat covering her. She immediately realized that she must have come into being completely naked and the thought that her commanding officer had seen her bare body was enough to make blood rush to her face. Commanding officer…that's what he was again. There was no longer 'Roy', only 'Colonel'. Trying to shift her thoughts from anything else she said, "I seem to live and die in these things."

"Hmm?" Roy questioned, clearly not realizing what she was referring to.

"Black trench coats, I seem to live and die in them."

Roy smiled, "Yeah, I suppose your right. Let's see if I can find you something else to wear…something a little less morbid."

"That'd be nice."

He started to rise to get up, but didn't want to just leave her on the floor. "Can you sit up?"

"I don't know." She tried to lift the front part of her body, but she just didn't have the strength.

Roy could see immediately that she wouldn't be able to do it, so he reached for a pillow for her to lay her head on. She smiled at him in silent thanks and watched as he got up and started to make his way toward his closet. Suddenly from nowhere, a little black streak came reeling into the room. The shock of the intruder made Roy trip and fall. After a few moments he realized just what the black streak was. He turned back toward Hawkeye to see Black Hayate eagerly licking his master's face. Roy couldn't help but smile. Before the transmutation he'd tied the dog up in the kitchen, judging by the frayed rope dangling from his collar Black Hayate had chewed through the obstacle to get to his master. He would do anything for her. '_And he's not the only one'_, Roy thought absentmindedly.

Getting back up, Roy felt a stinging in his hand and was reminded of his earlier sacrifice. While Black Hayate kept Hawkeye busy, he went to the bathroom and bandaged his hand. After an hour or so, after Roy had found Hawkeye something to wear and she'd been able to summon enough strength to get dressed, the two (and Black Hayate) sat in the kitchen.

"Sorry about the shirt." Roy said. Handing her a cup of hot tea. "I suppose I should have kept some of your clothes from when we packed up your apartment." In truth, Roy wasn't really that sorry. Staring at her from across the table it was everything he could to just stay seated. Riza's long blonde hair was falling messily around her shoulders. The neck of his button up shirt was a little too wide and it kept falling off one of her shoulders. The shirt wasn't quite long enough, and so Roy had to give her a pair of his boxers to wear. 'Don't worry, they're clean.' He'd said.

'Of course they're clean,' she replied, 'I watched you wash them.'

"It's no problem." Riza replied, meaning the shirt. She was lying of course. She felt rather exposed. Just a thin layer of cotton separated herself from his eyes, just the thought made her feel a little inside out.

"So how does it feel?" he asked.

Her eyes widened, slightly wondering if he knew what she was thinking, "How does what feel?"

"Your new body. Is it up to code? I'd hate to think I didn't put you back the way you left." He said smiling.

"With the exception of the bullet holes, everything feels the same." She said smiling back.

"Good." He finished. The table grew silent as the two sipped their drinks. Things felt different. The inside-out feeling hung over them both. Roy was still clinging to the feelings he'd had while her soul was around, while Riza was trying to adjust back to the way things used to be…when they'd been co-workers. Suddenly, something made her jump. It was Black Hayate, he was licking her leg. Smiling, she scratched him behind his ears.

"He really loves you." Roy stated.

"I love him too," she said looking up. An awkward silence tried to push its way between the two. There'd been something that had been sitting in the back of Roy's chest since the beginning of this whole thing and slowly he was trying to work up a way to ask her about it.

"That day, out on the steps…you said—" he started, trying to pick just the right words.

"I don't really want to talk about it." She said, cutting him short. "It was out of line. I shouldn't have said anything."

"So you didn't mean it when you said—" he started, but was again cut short. Only this time, it was the doorbell that stopped him. His heart leapt into his throat. '_If someone saw her, there's no way I could explain it!_' "Hide!" he whispered to her urgently.

She looked around the room frantically, "Where!" she whispered just as the doorbell was rang 2 more times in quick succession.

"Here, just—" he started, as he took her by the arm and clumsily put her in the hall closet, just a few feet from the front door. Roy took a deep breath and answered the door. Who he saw was a surprise to say the least.

"Reigns? What are you doing here?" He asked. Roy hadn't seen him since the funeral and he looked ten times worse now. It looked like he hadn't slept all night; black bags sagged underneath his eyes.

"Where is it? General Grumman said it wasn't with her things. He said you must have it." Reigns said, his voice harsh and gravelly.

"What are you talking about?" Roy asked completely confused. Reigns looked like a mad man, his sandy hair falling in his icy blue eyes. The moment Riza heard Eli's voice at the door, she knew what he'd come for_. 'Please don't say it Eli! Just turn around and leave!_'

"The ring damn it! I want her engagement ring! What did you do with it?" 

The statement kicked Roy in the chest like a spooked horse. '_She was…ENGAGED?_'

"Where is it!" Reigns shouted at him.

Still dizzy from the statement Roy shook his head to clear his thoughts, "I-I think I've got it in my room—wait here." Feeling more than a little inside out, Roy closed the door in the frantic man's face. Still trudging through his jumbled thoughts he made his way to his bedroom. He'd put the ring in the nightstand that day, after realizing he accidentally put it in his pocket. He'd meant to give it to the General at the funeral, but the whole thing had slipped his mind while he was trying to prepare for the transmutation. Slowly, he walked back to the front door. Before opening the door, he took one last look at the ring, '_I'd do anything for you_'. The line made his stomach knot. He opened the door and without a word handed the ring to Eli. Eli's eyes started to water as he looked at the small gold band. The two men exchanged glances, and without a word Roy shut the door in Eli's face. What was there to say? The ring said it all.

* * *

Hope, I didn't tick off too many people by just stopping here, but believe me, the next section is enough to start making you throw pottery from complicated little story lines. Besides, I figured it best to update before anyone started to chuck something harder than a little book at me ;) Enjoy and please review!  



	19. Things I Never Should Have Said

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Okay, I'm sure to some of you you're all wondering what Roy gave up. Unfortunately I can't tell you that yet, you'll have to wait 'til the end, but if you squint excruciatingly hard and pay attention to upcoming clues you might figure it out before I tell you. I'm sure some of you that have seen a good bit of the series probably have some questions involving homunculi and transmutation, questions that will be addressed when I reveal what Roy's equivalent exchange was. In exchange for making you wait, you'll finally get to find out what Riza whispered to Roy in chapter 1! (I make a reference or two to the first paragraph in chapter 7 if anyone is interested in re-reading that paragraph)

Chapter 19 – Things I Never Should Have Said

Roy leaned against the closed door and slowly slid down to sit on the floor. Swallowing her fear of a situation that was going to be more than a little uncomfortable, Riza cracked open the closet door. Her commanding officer wore a defeat expression as he stared blankly in her direction. As his eyes began to really focus in on her face, his whole attitude changed, as if what had really been said had finally sunk in.

Fury rushed across his handsome features as he stood to look her square in the face. "So he was the reason you shouldn't have said that to me on the front steps!"

"No, its not—" she started to protest, knowing he was getting it all wrong.

"_He_ was the reason you shouldn't have ever told me you loved me." He said the sentence quietly, his voice nearly shaking from the anger. Roy couldn't help but relieve those last few moments on the steps:

-

"_You can't leave me…" he said, pleading with her, rocking her frail body in his arms._

_"I'll never leave you…" she said, a fit of coughing followed leaving her weak. With what strength was left in her body she gripped the front of his uniform, pulling his face closer. Through the falling sheets of rain, she smiled at him quietly, "I could never tell you before, but I always loved you, Roy." Roy stopped breathing as he watched his lieutenant's grip slowly relax on his jacket and go limp_.

-

The very idea that she loved him had been ludicrous at the time. For almost ten years he'd always seen her as loyal, not in love. He'd never even had a chance to put the idea of loving her into a thought…until she said the same phrase he so often dreaded from the other women in his life: "I love you, Roy." When he'd finally seen her soul that night…when she had been hovering over him this past week, he'd almost gotten used to the idea, he almost started to believe it was true. And how did he feel? To bare the truth to himself, he really didn't know. How can you know if you love someone or not, if you've never really been in love? Well that didn't matter now, she'd lied.

"It's not like that. It's complicated." She said, attempting to explain.

"What's so complicated about being engaged!" he shouted at her. A sudden realization hit him; the letter that Havoc had found, it suddenly made sense. His eyes widen with the realization. "You were resigning because of Reigns!"

"Damn it! Would you shut up for one second and let me explain!" Riza shouted to him. "Please Roy!"

His name from her betraying lips seemed to hit him harder than he realized. Through his clenched teeth he replied, "You will address me by either my surname, or my rank, _Lieutenant_." He knew that the comment would hurt her, but somehow he just wanted to say something that would hurt her as much as she hurt him.

"I'm not your Lieutenant anymore." She replied, drawing herself up to her full height and refusing to back down. "I died, in case you forgot. I died protecting you, the least you could do is sit down and listen to me!"

The comment didn't just make Roy sit down, it practically shoved him into a chair. He was so stunned by the statement, all he could think to do was sit down. He sat back in his chair in the kitchen; the tea in front of him had already lost its heat. Much calmer now, Hawkeye also took her chair, "Thank you." She studied his face for a moment. He seemed much older than she remembered. Small crow's feet had formed around the corners of his eyes and he looked tired. Slightly hesitant, a little afraid that he wasn't through, she started her story, "I met Eli about three years ago, just a couple of months after we were assigned to Eastern Headquarters. You were out on a lunch date and I was sitting alone…"

-Flash back-

_Riza inhaled her lemon tea and frowned a bit. It wasn't that she minded eating alone, it was just it was more enjoyable to eat with someone…well it was more enjoyable to eat with Mustang. An officer stood at the other side of the table and cleared his throat nervously. Riza looked up, "Can I help you?" she asked sincerely. The man glanced around nervously, "Would you mind terribly if I sat here? I promise I won't bother you—I—it's just that there isn't anywhere else to sit." Riza surveyed the room, and the man was correct, she was occupying the only mostly empty table. "Of course" she replied with a smile, "I'd welcome the company."_

_The man sat down and began eating his food as if it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen in his life. Hawkeye could see that he was a little nervous to be eating with someone he didn't know, so she did her best to break the ice. "I'm Lieutenant Hawkeye. What's your name?" It was just an ice breaker, she could easily see his name on his badge, but she was trying her best to be polite._

_"I'm Eli—Eli Reigns." He said, gulping his food painfully. She gave him a reassuring smile._

_"You're new aren't you?" she asked, he nodded in answer. "It's not a bad place. It's not the most peaceful place to be stationed with the resistance in Lior coming to a head, but it's not bad."_

_He smiled widely at her, "How long have you been stationed here?"_

_She shrugged, "A couple of months, but you'll get used to it quickly."_

_"If everyone is as nice as you I'm sure I will." He replied. Hawkeye blushed a little, she was sure it was her imagination, but it felt a little like he was coming onto her. It wasn't terribly obvious, but she couldn't help but feel as if there was something between them._

_"So what department are you working with?" she asked to keep the conversation going._

_"I work with external investigations…mostly police sort of business. Murders and the like." He answered. He seemed to become more open and relaxed as they talked. They talked for over a half hour, and after a bit Hawkeye's hair began to annoy her. A long strain dripped in front of her face and she batted it away with the back of her hand. Eli noticed the gesture, he seemed to notice everything about her. Those steel blue eyes didn't miss a detail._

_"You have beautiful hair. You should grow it out." He stated._

_She smiled and averted her eyes. Beautiful wasn't a word that she heard directed at her often. "I actually have started to grow it out. It was much shorter than this." She said, making a gesture near her scalp as to how short it used to be. It was now just below her ears, but she hadn't quite gotten it long enough to pull back and it was getting in her way more and more. "I'd like to grow it out a little past my shoulders so then I can pull it back. The way it falls in my face is rather irritating. I'm always flipping it out of my way when I'm at the shooting range."_

_"You shoot?" he asked interested._

_"I was trained as a sniper. It's actually one of the reasons I entered the military."_

_"That's interesting." He replied. "Most women are rather gun shy."_

_"In my family it wasn't much of an option. My father made and sold guns to the military." The conversation continued on much like that. They discussed her family and why both had entered the military. Before they knew it they'd talked for almost an hour. Hawkeye had to run to make it back to her desk by the end of her lunch hour. It was only the first of many lunches with Eli._

_Hawkeye remembered seeing Eli on her way back to her apartment the next day. "Hello, Reigns." She said with a polite smile. "I didn't see you in the cafeteria today."_

_He smiled back at her, but after she mentioned lunch his expression dropped, "Well, I didn't want to interrupt your date with your boyfriend…"_

_Hawkeye eyes widened, "Boyfriend? Mustang?"_

_"The man you ate with today, tall, dark and handsome? He's not your boyfriend?" Reigns asked, hopefulness slipping slightly into his voice._

_"Mustang, my boyfriend?" She repeated still trying to wrap her mind around such an idea. "Mustang definitely doesn't qualify as boyfriend material."_

_"That's interesting…you seemed very interested talking to him at lunch…"_

_"I can assure you that we're not dating. He's my superior officer—and I'm certainly not his type. To be dating Roy Mustang I'd have to be wearing a mini skirt and have the vocabulary of a seven year old." She explained._

_"So…if _he's_ not your boyfriend what does your real boyfriend feel about you eating lunch with your commanding officer?" Reigns asked, his point coming across obviously._

_"Reigns, if you want to know if I'm seeing anyone, just ask. Beating around the bush is a really annoying habit." She told him squarely._

_He smiled widely, "Are you seeing anyone?"_

_"No, I'm not." She replied, thankful he finally stopped playing around. She hated it when people wouldn't get straight to the point. It was such a waste of time._

_His smile grew, "So…since you're not seeing anyone, I'm assuming your Friday night is probably free?"_

_She let out a small sigh, "I thought we already discussed how I didn't like it when people beat around the bush."_

_He blushed slightly, "Sorry. What I guess I'm trying to say—to ask you, is if you'd like to go to that new picture show on Main Street. The one with Elle Renald in it. I think it was called something like—"_

_"—Gone Before You Got Here." She finished._

_"Yeah! That one." He said, his smile growing wider by the moment. At least she was interested._

_Hawkeye considered it for a moment. Reigns was a good guy, he was interesting, good looking and he seemed like he had a genuine interest in her. What was the harm of going to go see one little movie with him? Besides, she'd been wanting to see that movie for three weeks, if she went, she got to see the movie, he got to go on a date with her; everyone wins. Why not? "I'd love to, Reigns." She replied._

_"Call me Eli."_

_They went to the movie that Friday and had an enjoyable time. A few times the next week he ate lunch with her, but only on the days that Mustang had an "appointment." Hawkeye had once asked him why he never sat with her and Mustang and his only response was that Mustang was a rather intimidating sort of man and he didn't want to eat his lunch feeling tense. The subject seemed to be raw with him, so she never pushed it much farther than that. It eventually became almost a tradition with them, when Mustang was elsewhere, Eli would eat with her. He was a good friend and a good person and the more time she spent with him the more she realized that he was attracted to her. She wanted more than anything to feel the same way._

_One night five or six months after their first meeting Eli walked her home. They'd had a nice dinner at the L'Amour, a local bistro, and afterward had sat in the park and talked. Anytime they spent together, outside of lunch, was done in secret. It wasn't necessarily that they were hiding, in truth they had nothing to hide. They weren't dating, not really anyway. They were just two friends having fun. But both of them had their own reasons for not wanting to be seen with the other. Eli was terrified that someone would get the wrong idea about them and they'd be court martial for fraternizing within the military. Hawkeye often told him that she felt the same way, but in truth she didn't really want her co-workers to know. It wasn't that she was ashamed of Eli, he was her friend and she cared about him…it just was that she didn't want them to draw the wrong conclusions…what was she thinking? She didn't want Mustang to draw the wrong conclusions. Despite his obvious advances toward other woman and his complete ignorance of her feelings (or even the fact she was female) she still had feelings for him, and she didn't want him to think that she was involved when she wasn't._

_Standing up on her front step telling Eli that she was thankful for dinner and the nice evening, she was suddenly stopped in mid-sentence by his lips on hers. Her heart raced within her chest and she gave into his advances. She'd been alone for so long…she couldn't help herself. She kissed him back. He pulled her body closer, until they were pressed together. Gently he broke the kiss and she almost couldn't bear it. She wanted more. It had been so long since anyone had treated her like a woman, so long since anyone noticed her, she wanted him._

_"You're beautiful." He breathed in her ear. "Never let anyone tell you anything different." With that he left. She stood motionless on her front steps, not quite able to figure out what had happened. It wasn't until the next morning that she was really beating herself up. _'How could I do that?' _she thought to herself_. 'I shouldn't have kissed him back. I'm leading him on…'

_The other half of her mind finally chimed in, _'No you're not! You like him, he's nice, interesting and he's the sexiest thing on two legs that's looked at you since the war in Ishbal.'

_Her rationale popped back into the picture, _'I don't like him…not like that. I can't allow myself to indulge in this, not just so I won't be lonely anymore._'_

'There's nothing wrong with it._' The other half rationalized, '_He likes you, you want him around…it's a perfectly symbiotic set up. Everyone wins.'_ As much as she should have rejected the thoughts, she couldn't._

_- _

_The months eventually turned to years. While neither had openly mentioned how they felt (or didn't feel as was the case for Riza) they had an almost subconscious understanding. They were, for lack of better terms dating, though Riza often tried to convince herself that they were just friends. Eventually, there came a time when she finally couldn't deny the truth anymore._

_Two weeks before she received Eli's letter about the whereabouts of the Red, he took her out to dinner. Once again, she found herself sharing a nice dinner at L'amour, like so many evenings before. Once again, at the end of the night they stood on her door step and just as she was about to thank him for another wonderful time, she was interrupted._

_"Riza, I have to ask you something." Eli said, sweat beads appearing on his forehead._

_'_This is it!_' Riza couldn't help but think_, 'He's finally going to ask me how I feel about him! What am I going to say?_' Hawkeye gulped nervously, "Yes?"_

_In one fluid motion Eli fell to one knee, pulled a satin box from his pocket, opened it and blurted out, "Will you marry me?"_

_Hawkeye almost screamed in surprise…lucky for her, it got caught in her throat. 'What do I say! I can't tell him yes…can I? No, no I can't…I think.' Hawkeye opened her mouth to respond, but the words kept getting caught in her throat. "Can-can I think about it?" was all that finally came out. She could easily see the disappointment in Eli's face. It was definitely not the answer he was hoping for, but it wasn't the worst answer she could give him either…_

_Eli nodded, getting up and gently handing her the box, "Sure, you think about it. It's a big decision to just decide in a moment. I'll see you soon." Gently he kissed her forehead and disappeared into the darkness. Leaving her alone with her thoughts and an unwanted engagement ring. Hawkeye slumped onto her couch, 'What am I going to do?'_

_A few days later, she finally came to a decision. Eli had agreed to meet her just after work in Ziemlich Park. Just after 5, she found him sitting on their favorite bench. "Eli?" she said, hoping to get his attention. His expression was one mixed with hope, and fear. It was apparent why she'd asked him here, all that was left was to give him an answer. She smiled slightly, "I thought about it, and my answer is yes."_

_Eli jumped up from the bench and took her into a tight embrace. Pulling back he smiled at her. "Really? You mean it?" he asked, joy pouring from his every pore._

_She held up her left hand, displaying his ring on her finger, "Yes." Overcome by happiness he gently leaned in and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss that Riza had only until then read about. The kiss took her breath away, and when he broke away her head was still whirling. "So," he started, "have you told Mustang that you'll be resigning soon?"_

_His words cut through the haziness like a knife. "Told Mustang I'll be what?" she said, fearing that she'd heard correctly._

_"Have you told Mustang that you're going to resign?" Eli asked, slowly realizing that they were about to hit their first speed bump as a couple._

_"Why do you think I'm going to resign?" she asked appalled at the idea._

_"One of us will have to resign. The rule on no fraternization is very strict, you know that. Besides, I thought that you'd like to stay at home for a while…you know, take care of the children."_

_Riza was almost speechless, she knew that the rule would apply, but the thought of leaving her career, leaving Mustang was devastating. "Eli, I-I'm not sure about this. Getting married is one thing, but you're asking me to quit my career."_

_"What are you saying? That you don't want to marry me?" Eli asked, fearing the worst._

_"I'm saying that I'm going to need a little more time to think about this."

* * *

_Sorry the flashback seems so long :P I can't help it. I'm trying to cram 3 years and a life changing decision into one chapter. It was getting waaaayyy too long and I was losing the drive of the chapter which is why its ended here. The next chapter will continue with the flashback and hopefully jump back to the present where Roy and Riza will have a very uncomfortable discussion...maybe. :P Sorry if there's inconsistancys or something, this chapter was hell to write._  
_


	20. All I Ever Wanted

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 20 – All I Ever Wanted

_Riza sat in her apartment her decision sitting heavily on her chest. Eli was perfect. He loved her, he cared about her, he wanted her. In her mind she could see a nice life with him. The typical perfection: white picket fence, children playing in the yard…its just too bad that the perfection was always interrupted by distant bombings and the slow echo of dying rebel screams. She couldn't help but wonder how the military would fair without her. It wasn't that she thought she was exceptionally important…it was that Mustang was exceptionally important. Who would be there the next time he needed bailing out? Who would be there the next time to hit the back of his head and tell him that he was being stupid? Havoc? What a joke! Havoc was a good man, but he abided by the rules. The very idea that he'd stand up to Mustang was laughable._

_Even with the idea of leaving the military staring her in the face, she couldn't help but daydream back to that perfect little life…she might not be in love with Eli…but with him she could have everything she ever wanted. If she stayed with Mustang all she would have at the end of her life was a job well done that no one ever noticed or ever cared about. Riza couldn't help but wonder if a job well done would be enough for her twenty years down the line. Taking a deep breath she found a pen and paper and began to write…_

_Three hours of labor over a letter that was barely eight lines long. She sighed and read over her resignation again. The letter made things perfectly clear to her…now all she had to do was tell Eli._

_-_

_"Eli?" she started, trying to resist the urge to throw up. "I've finally decided." They were sitting in the park again and the breeze picked up making the hairs on her arms stand up._

_"And…?" he asked nervously. He had more than due cause._

_"I've decided to stay with the military." She replied. His face fell immediately. "You're a wonderful man, but I can't abandon them."_

_"Don't you mean you can't abandon **him**?" he asked. Eli didn't need to say Mustang's name, they both knew who he was referring to._

_"Yes, I suppose he's one of the main reasons."_

_"How can you choose him over me?" Eli asked. It wasn't rage…he could never be mad at her. It was more of a pitiful plead. _

_"I'm sorry Eli, in my life, he'll always come first."_

_"He's your employer." Eli retorted._

_"He's my friend." She replied. That seemed that. Eli nodded slowly, taking it all in. Finally, he turned to her a forced smile on his face._

_"Well, you've made your decision and I support you."_

_His statement surprised her. She'd completely rejected him for a man that didn't notice her and he'd simply said that it was okay. His voice had been tight and she knew this was hard for him. "Thank you for understanding, Eli." She replied, looking down at her hands. She remembered that she was still wearing his ring, "You can have your ring back if you want." She said, starting to take it off._

_He put his hand over hers to stop her. "You keep it. It'll be a little reminder of what could have been…and what could still be, if you ever reconsider. I would do anything for you Riza."_

"_You'll always have a special place in my heart Eli, but I have to continue on this path. It's what I've chosen and I won't turn back…"_

_"I'll never stop loving you Riza." He replied, kissing her forehead._

_"I know." She said with a sad smile. "I know."_

_Things continued as if the proposal never happened. They were still close, often enjoyed each other's company, but he never again tried to get her to reconsider…well not openly anyway. She could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her, and every time she wished she could have told him yes. After all, it was everything she ever wanted…just not with him._

_After about a week Eli mentioned the Red scout tailing Mustang and just a few days later she found herself lying in Mustang's arms dying. It's strange how just a few days can change your whole life._

-

Roy sat speechless throughout her narrative. She gave up the chance to marry Eli, so she could do her job. So she could be with him. But there was something he still didn't understand. If she wasn't going to marry Eli…then why shouldn't she have told him she loved him?

"Hawkeye, I still don't understand why you shouldn't have-"

"Told you I loved you?" she said, forcing the words out. He nodded. "Roy, I care about you more than I can say—" she started, this was a lot harder to voice than she realized, "I would never want to jeopardize our relationship for the world, you mean too much to me. Plain and simple, there wasn't a good reason to tell you. The best case scenario was that you felt the same way, but even if that were true we could never be together. We have jobs to do, and that's what comes first. The worst case scenario is that you didn't feel that way al all and afterward you felt awkward around me. I would never want to subject to you that, not if it wasn't necessary. So, I decided long ago to keep things completely business with you. I thought it was best for the both of us. It's just…when I was dying, I thought that I could finally tell you how I felt without the worry of consequences…silly me."

"You couldn't have known that this was going to happen."

"I'm sorry for the damage I've done to our relationship." She said, staring at her hands lying in her lap.

"What damage?" he asked with that handsome smirk of his. "All in all I'd say that it was nice to clear the air around us. For some time I've felt that there was something—there was a wall between us. I don't know when I felt like it started to build, but it wasn't until you died, until you were really honest with me that I felt that it was gone." She looked up at him, gratitude for the understanding radiating from her eyes. "Do you regret telling me?" he asked tentatively.

"No. Actually, it's the opposite. I feel almost relieved. I had all those feelings bottled up and shoved so deep down inside of me I felt I was going to burst one day…it was a relief to finally let them out." She replied. A silence fell between them. They both knew what she wanted to ask. 'Did he feel the same way?' She dared not ask, the day had barely begun, and it'd been stressful for the both of them. He sighed heavily and his eyelids drooped. He suddenly seemed so tired…so old. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He shook his head slightly, "I think I need to lie down. The transmutation and lack of sleep are starting to get to me I think."

Quietly she helped him get up from the table and escorted him to his room. She helped him lie down and she gently tucked him in. He blinked a silent thank you to her and fell into a deep sleep. Riza watched him sleep, he was so beautiful, and she couldn't love him more. He did the unthinkable for her a small part of herself unwillingly willed him to feel the same for her and as much as she hated herself for it, she wondered if he did. Hawkeye knew that simply wondering was setting herself up for heartache, no matter his answer, but her heart just couldn't help itself. It seemed that she'd opened a door to it when she revealed how she felt and now it just refused to close again.

* * *

Soon we get to watch them go after the Red yay! Oh come on, you didn't think Roy would just let someone kill his Lt. w/o getting revenge now did you ;) 


	21. New Body, Old Mind

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: mwhahaha! I've got you all asking if Eli is the one that set her up…and being the evil being I am, I'm going to make you wait for a few more chapters ;P

Chapter 21 – New Body, Old Mind

Riza watched him sleep for a little over half an hour. She wondered what he was dreaming…were they thoughts of her? '_No, they couldn't be_,' she reasoned with herself, '_Nothing's changed_.' It was a lie. Everything had changed. He knew how she felt, and how did he feel? She didn't know, but she was beginning to suspect that he didn't know either. It was a small consolation. Staring down at his handsome face she felt compelled to lie beside him, rest her head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. When she'd been just a soul, and it was the dead of night, she'd done just that. She knew he wouldn't wake up and she let herself float next to him, giddy at her boldness. In a strange turn of events, she was almost sad that she once again had a body. Being just a soul had been so light, so free. Consequences were nonexistent, and she could do or say anything she pleased. '_The grass is always greener on the other side, I suppose_.' She thought sadly. Quietly, she sighed and looked around Mustang's bedroom. Her eyes came to rest on his bathroom door. Hawkeye looked down at herself, suddenly remembering that she was just dressed in Roy's shirt and boxers. She felt the urge, no, the _need_, to take a shower. Gently she got up from where she sat on the edge of his bed and made her way into the bathroom. Quietly, she closed the door and turned on the hot water. The water heated quickly and small streams of steam began to fill the air in the bathroom. Discarding her counterpart's clothing, she slipped into the shower and stood beneath the stream of hot water. She took a deep breath of the water vapor and let the heat wash way the past week and a half. It was so strange how she felt in her body. She felt as if she'd never died…like this body was home, but something just couldn't shake the creepy feeling that it just wasn't true. She looked down at her new fingers. They were beginning to wrinkle from the exposure to the water and she studied her hands. They looked like her old hands, they even had that tiny freckle on the pinky of her left hand, but she new that this wasn't her real body…this was a body made to order. She studied the rest of herself. Her arms, her legs, her stomach, even her breasts were exactly the same as when she'd died. She even had the same small brown birthmark high on her right leg. The only thing that was slightly different was a small section of skin near her heart, it was a slightly darker shade. '_Mustang does good work…_' she thought, surprised at his skill. '_The people at work won't be able to tell my new body from my old one._' Suddenly the realization dawned on her. What was she going to do? She couldn't go back to work, she wasn't alive anymore! She couldn't even pretend that it'd been an imposter, or even that she faked her own death, she'd been dropped on the front steps and no less than 30 people had been there when the paramedics had pronounced her dead. She couldn't just walk into work the next day and play dumb. 'Who died? Oh me? Well you must be mistaken!' No one would buy that! This was some life she was coming back to… '_What life?_' She thought, annoyed. '_I'll never be able to leave these walls…_' While the idea of living the rest of her life alongside Roy was slightly appealing, she knew she'd never be able to spend the rest of her life stuck in a house. '_Why couldn't Roy think before he acted? I was better off dead. The only consolation to this whole mess is that I'll be able to take down the Red before they hurt someone else._' The thought of the Red brought back the memories of what they did to her. The beating…the violation, the whole affair weighed heavily in her chest. Sorrow soon turned to anger, if they'd never killed her, she wouldn't be looking at a life sentence of house arrest. Hawkeye wasn't the vengeful type, but she wasn't about to sit back and let them go unpunished, she wouldn't let them kill another innocent person. They would pay.

Suddenly a knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts. "Hawkeye?" Mustang's voice called through the door, "Are you in there?"

"Yes." She called back.

"Are you coming out sometime today? You've been in there for an hour." Roy called.

"Yes, of course. I'm getting out now." She said as she turned off the faucet and wrapped herself in one of his towels. It smelled faintly of his cologne. She looked at her face in the mirror above the sink. The same red eyes of her previous body were staring back and at her and through them she could see the real her. Suddenly, she was beginning to feel a lot more at home in her new body.

* * *

Sorry the chappie's sort of short. I'm getting ready to go back to school. The next chapter should focas on them going after Red and that sort of thing. Believe it or not, but I'm getting close to the end. Oh and just in case you're confused, Hawkeye's body is exactly the same as it was when she died because it was her soul that made it a duplicate of her former body. Roy made it a body, her soul was what made it look like her. Don't like the explanation? Oh well, pretend it's my world and it works. 


	22. The Case of the Appearing Clothing and

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Wow…I just got a whole lota comments on a chapter I hated…cool. Lol I'm really surprised at how many of you liked ch 21, I felt like it came out feeling kind of like a filler chapter, but I wanted to make sure to include that she looks exactly the same. I'm really fascinated at how many of you are speculating on whether or not Eli set Hawkeye up….do you want to know? Do you really wanna know? I'll tell ya later ;) …onto the next chapter!

Chapter 22 – The Case of the Appearing Clothing and Other Freakish Events

A dripping wet Hawkeye opened the door of the bathroom to meet a surprised Mustang. She was only wearing a rather short towel and the way the water was slowly dripping off her body was making Roy a little…well let's just say "uncomfortable".

"Did I wake you?" she asked as he watched a drop of water roll down her chin and into the front of the towel. His eyes widened, not hearing a word she was saying. She snapped her fingers a few times in front of his face. "I'm up here." She reminded him, feeling a little annoyed. He sort of snapped out of it and shook his head to rid his mind of her image. He averted his eyes from her in order to help the process. "I asked if I woke you." She said again.

"Oh…uh no. I just woke up a little while ago," he started looking back at her face, "and you were gone." When he'd awoken, he'd be alone for the first time in almost a week. He almost jumped into a panic at her disappearance. A small part of him wasn't sure if any of the past week had actually happened and a big part of him felt empty without her. For the past five days she'd been his constant companion, and now she was suddenly gone. Roy couldn't help but feel a little like a lost puppy trailing after the forgotten scent of an old master.

"I hope you don't mind that I took a shower." She said, feeling as if something was troubling him, "I just wanted to relax a little."

"Oh, no of course not. You can do whatever you want." He said, trying to shake the loneliness he'd felt from her short absence.

"Could I ask you a favor?"

"Of course, anything." He replied.

"…are there any other clothes you could give me?" she asked, not really wanting to don the underwear and dress shirt again…it just felt too revealing, and if she was ever going to get their professional relationship back she was going to need thicker clothes…and maybe a thicker hide.

"Oh yeah! Of course…no problem. I think I've got something in my closet that'll work." He said turning to the closet and rifling through it for a few moments. He finally emerged once again with a black shirt and a pair of drawstring pants. Riza couldn't help but sigh a little…she was really beginning to miss underwear and brassiers.

Upon hearing her sigh, he looked at the clothing again, "What's wrong with it? It should fit, it was from when I was in secondary school."

"Sir, there are a few other things that females would prefer…" she started but couldn't quite finish the sentence without embarrassing herself.

"Like what?" Roy asked, he could be such a guy at times…

Riza couldn't help but sigh again, she didn't want to go into to details. It was embarrassing enough that she was standing in front of her superior in little more than a towel, and now he wanted her to preach to him about the value of having a bra and underwear. "I would like clothes that are a little more geared toward the female body." She suggested again…and of course, Roy being the guy he was—still didn't get it.

"Huh? I still don't see the problem…" he said.

"Sir, I'd like to wear a bra and underwear." She replied, looking down and feeling completely degraded.

"I still don't see the problem." Roy stated again. Riza's head flew up to meet his smart aleck glance. He'd known the whole time what she'd meant, he was just having fun riling her.

Hawkeye opened her mouth to shout at him, but was too offended to even yell at him. Angrily she closed her mouth, walked over to him and slapped him on the side of the head. Jerking the clothes from his hand she turned and marched back to the bathroom. As she walked away, Mustang rubbed the tender spot on his head and admired the fine work he did on her legs. It might not be a mini skirt, but a towel was just as good.

--

After Hawkeye had put on the new clothing, she made her way out of the bathroom towel drying her hair. To her surprise Mustang wasn't in the bedroom anymore…in fact he wasn't even in the house. A little worried she wondered where he could have gone. About an hour and a half-later Mustang strolled in with a paper bag.

"Where have you been?" she asked, her curiosity flowing right into the statement.

"I've been out taking care of a few problems." He replied mysteriously. Smiling he opened the bag and tossed some crumpled pieces of clothing her way. "Put these on." Hawkeye held the clothing up against herself. The first piece was a stretchy black top, much like the brown one she used to wear underneath her uniform. The other piece of clothing he'd thrown her were a pair of black pants. She held them up to herself as well. Remarkably, they looked like they might fit. She looked up at him again, "You still didn't solve the main problem," she reminded him.

He sighed annoyed, "Relax, they're in the bag." He gently tossed the bag in her direction and she caught it easily. Inside was a pair of black underwear and a black lacy bra. '_What's his obsession with black, I'm going to look like I'm going to a funeral._'

"Why is everything black?" she asked him, unable to keep her thoughts to herself.

"Well, if we're going to get Red tonight, I thought black would be the best thing to keep you hidden." He replied.

"We're going tonight!" she asked surprised, "Are you sure you're up for it?"

"I am if you are." He replied. Delicately he pulled a gun and a holster out of his jacket pocket. "You'll need this." He said as he slid it across the table to her. Expertly she picked it up, admiring the leather of the holster. Pulling the gun from its resting place, she reacquainted herself with the weapon. The smooth metal felt so relaxing in her grip and for the first time in two weeks she really felt like she was in control of her own life.


	23. Betrayal

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Finally! They're going after the Red. Just to remind you, the Red's leader's name is Flynn.

Chapter 23 – Betrayal 

Hawkeye and Mustang were busy most of the day making preparations for their confrontation with the Red. It was strange; neither had originally made plans to go after the Red…at least not openly to each other. It had somehow just become some unconscious understanding between them. Neither had openly said what exactly they were going to do once they confronted the band of men either. Were they going to shoot them? Were they going to apprehend them and turn them over to the authorities? Riza wasn't quite sure. She didn't really want to go in and shoot unsuspecting people, but she didn't really want to let them live. They'd killed her, didn't they too deserve to die? A murder for a murder, wasn't that how that obsessed law of the alchemists was supposed to work? Riza wasn't sure. There had only been one time that she'd actually shot someone without being shot at first…back in Ishbal, it had just been a young boy, but the image of his face with the bullet hole staring out at her from the center of his forehead was enough to make her think twice about shooting these people. Of course her policy was usually 'shoot, if shot at.' and technically she had been shot at. Still, this felt like murder, she wasn't shooting in defense, they were going in and—well she wasn't really sure what they were going to do. The question welled up in her throat and she tried to ask Roy, but the words just got caught in her vocal cords and they wouldn't come out. Whatever they ended up doing to those men, they would deserve it…at least that's what she kept telling herself.

--

The night felt heavy. Humidity hung in the air around the two companions as they sneaked around the backside of the old meat packing plant. Riza was surprised to find out from Roy that the Red was still operating out of the same place. It seemed careless to her, but then again these men weren't the brightest bulbs in the box. As the back door came into view Hawkeye could immediately see something was wrong. The door was propped open slightly. Upon further inspection Hawkeye could see what was acting as a doorstop, it was a human body. Her breath caught in her chest. Something was really wrong. Mustang didn't look twice at the body, he simply stepped over it and cautiously made his way inside, his gloves at the ready. Hawkeye took a deep breath and pulled her gun from its holster. The cock made a reassuring click as she disappeared into the building behind Mustang.

Several more dead men were laying about the halls of the building. Hawkeye counted 7 bodies from the time they'd entered the complex and she was beginning to get nervous…who could have gotten here first? Seven men, that meant that there were only 3 of the Red left alive. Flynn, the leader had to be among the three, she couldn't see him among the bodies. Sweat trickled down her back, she felt like she was walking into a trap. Mustang's body was pressed close to hers as they made their way to the main room where Riza had been held for most of her capture. As they got closer to the room, they could hear voices.

"How could you have killed her! Your orders were to capture her and use her as bait for Mustang!" a man yelled, his voice thin and shrill.

"I don't take orders from anyone do ya'hear?" the second man shouted back.

At the mention of Mustang's name the two spies ear's perked up. They hid behind two crates of grenades…just where she'd hidden the first time. Cautiously, Hawkeye gave a quick glance behind her…she'd learned the last time.

The men continued to argue. "I don't care what you told me. That woman wasn't worth it." The second man said, "She was a pain in the ass, and if you'd just given me the money you'd promised me, I wouldn't have shot her!"

"You were supposed to kill Mustang!" the first man shouted.

The plan was unfolding just as Mustang and Hawkeye had suspected. Someone had tried to use her as bait to kill Mustang, but some how the message had never gotten to him.

The first man continued, "Mustang was my only competition, all you had to do was kill him, and let me come in and rescue her."

"Why don't you kill me and just get it over with then!" the second man shouted. It seemed that he'd had enough of listening to this emotional man rattle on and would rather die like his comrades than have to endure any more.

"Killing you would be a blessing." The first man said. "But I'm going to make you _suffer_. You took away the only woman I ever loved, now you'll suffer like she did." A strange splurting sound rang out and the second man groaned.

A lump was forming in Hawkeye's throat. She knew who that man was on the other side of the crate, and she was just now realizing that it wasn't Lt. Havoc. That night she was shot…she'd been so sure it was Havoc. The blonde hair, the blue eyes…the cigarette. The man had all the earmarks. Hawkeye couldn't help but think back to a few weeks after she'd met Eli…

_It was the day before he had a major inspection and he was terrified he was going to fail. She'd dropped by his office to wish him luck only to find him chain smoking just outside the office door._

"_I can't believe you smoke." She'd said to him. "It's a disgusting habit."_

"_I don't do it often…only when I'm stressed out." He'd replied._

The phrase echoed in her head _"I don't do it often…only when I'm stressed out_." Of course he was smoking that night, what could be more stressful than planning a murder for hire?

Tears pricked the edges of her eyes…how could she have fallen for that act? Her heart seemed to be wrenched out of her chest. It wasn't that she'd loved him, but she had thought he was her friend. _'He said he loved me…_' she thought. Before him she'd never thought anyone could love her…his betrayal only seemed to prove it. She gritted her teeth against the pain in her heart and proudly walked out from behind the crate.

Sure enough, on the other side of the crate was Eli, Flynn and two dead guards. Flynn was tied to a chair just a few feet from Eli, he was bleeding from his side and Eli was holding the bloody knife.

"Riza!" Eli breathed. His entire face seemed to brighten and he started to walk toward her, the knife he had been using to torture Flynn with was still in his hand. Hawkeye raised her gun and gave him a cold stare.

At the sight of the gun Eli stopped, but his face was still full of hope…and something else. "Riza, is it really you?"

"Yes." She replied coldly.

"But-how?" Eli said. The question seemed just a formality. His face said it all, he didn't care how she came back…the fact was that was still alive and he was _happy_.

"I brought her back." Mustang said as he stepped out from behind the crate.

"Mustang!" Eli shouted in surprise in rage. His face had been so full of hope as he'd looked upon Riza, his face had been so full of …_love_. But upon seeing his rival everything changed and hatred seemed to emanate from his body. "What are you doing here?" he demanded of Mustang.

"We came to take care of the Red." Mustang answered, "But it looks like you've done that for us."

"I had to take care of them." Eli said, "They killed her." He looked back at Riza, his eyes pleading with her.

"Why did you do it?" she asked, her face still stone. "Why did you set me up?"

"I wasn't setting you up." He replied his tone apologetic. "I was setting up Mustang."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because he would always come first in your life. Don't you see? Without him we could be happy. I love you." Eli said.

"No you don't." Mustang interjected. "If you really loved her you'd let her make her own choices instead of having me killed off to fulfill some fantasy of yours."

"What would you know about love!" Eli screamed at him. "I've seen you. You walk around town flashing that smile at every woman you meet and they melt for you. Not Riza, she loves me, and I wasn't about to let you have her."

"I don't." Riza said quietly. Both men's heads turned. Just as quietly, she repeated herself, "I don't love you."

Eli's face seemed to break, as if the last little hope he'd been hanging onto in his life had suddenly been torn out from under him. "W-what?"

"I don't love you." She repeated. "I should have told you long ago. It was a mistake. I should have told you."

Eli seemed momentarily overwhelmed, he almost looked like he was going to collapse from the shock. Suddenly his features contorted into an expression of absolute hatred. He turned to face Mustang. "This is all your fault!" he screamed, his grip tightened on the knife. "I had it all. She was perfect! She was mine but you-you were always keeping her from me! If you would have just died!" Eli rushed at Mustang, his knife at the ready. Eli was barely a foot away from Roy. Just as Roy was about to snap his fingers and engulf his assailant in flames, there was a shot and the man fell to the ground, a bullet hole in his head. Mustang turned to see a stony faced Hawkeye holding the smoking gun that had just killed her former lover. Her expression remained unchanged as she lowered her gun and stared directly at her commanding officer.

Mustang gave her a look that almost asked, '_Why?_'. Knowing what he was thinking she gave him the only answer she could, "It was like he said, you'll always come first in my life. I couldn't let him hurt you."

The explanation hit him in the stomach as if he'd kicked by a mule. '_She'd do anything for me…she killed the person that offered her the world…for me_.' For the first time in his life Roy Mustang got a glimpse at what true love really was.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine." She replied, her expression unchanging. Despite her words, he some how knew that they were a lie. She wasn't fine at all. Gently he took her in his arms and wrapped her in a tight hug. After a moment, she let out a choked moan. Roy could feel the shoulder of his shirt become a little wet. Hawkeye's gun fell to the floor, the clattering sound reverberating off the concrete walls. A murder for a murder…a betrayal for a betrayal.

* * *

Okay! Wow, that felt like that was a long time coming. Anyway...just to clarify a few things. Eli hired the Red to capture Riza and they were supposed to send a message to Mustang who would of course come to rescue her. They were supposed to kill him, but when Eli came that night to find out if they'd captured her and if they'd sent the note he was really pissed off to find they'd beaten and raped her. Flynn chased him off (b/c he was pissed off for not being paid and he wasn't crazy about working for someone in the military anyway) and he shot her b/c he was pissed. He had one of his lackey's dump her body on the front stairs as a warning to Eli telling him that if he came to harrass them, or turned them in, he'd end up dead too. After getting the ring from Mustang he was finally so overcome with grief that he went to the Red and slaughtered them all. He was going to make Flynn suffer for what he did so he stabbed him and was going to let him bleed out slowly, but Riza interrupted. The whole reason Eli did this was b/c he thought that if Roy was dead Riza would marry him. He thought that she loved him (which she didn't). So when he tried to kill Mustang out of anger, she shot him.

Eli was a good guy, he just did the wrong thing for the right reasons. As for the story, I'm still not done ;) I'm sure at least a few of you are wondering what he gave up and how/if Riza will be able to go back to the military.


	24. Setting the Scene

Living on Borrowed Time 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: I'm back at school so updates are going to be a bit slower.

Chapter 24 – Setting the Scene 

Hawkeye and Mustang stood in their embrace for what seemed like hours. Roy stood unmoving, simply a consoling statue that was a shoulder to cry on. Hawkeye's body shook with every sob. She hated herself for being so weak…for crying in front of him. She knew better, she should be able to hold these feelings in, she should be able to control herself. But tonight, it seemed as if all those years of uncried tears had finally caught up with her. She cried for Eli, for all those lost in Ishbal…even for the loss of her parents. But most of all, she cried for herself. She didn't love Eli, she knew that from the beginning, but he'd been the only person in her life that had ever openly told her that they loved her. Even her grandfather had been too stiff to say those words to her. Until Eli, the idea that someone could love her had seemed like some fairytale in a book. When Eli had told her how he felt, even if she didn't feel it back, it made her feel…special, like she was worthy of someone's affection. He had betrayed her though…had he ever really meant those words at all? Her heart hurt too much to try and analyze it all.

Her tears finally stopped. It seemed that there were no more tears to cry, but somehow she just couldn't stop. She was no longer crying, but moaning. It was just a quiet moan, but it made her feel better to release all that sadness into Mustang's soft shirt. The fabric of his shirt muffled her moans a little, but he could still hear them; ringing out like a lost dog howling at the moon. With every sob, a little of his heart broke. He wanted more than anything to fix it. He wanted to make this whole mess go away. He just wanted her to never feel this way again. He'd built her a new body, he fixed what the Red had broken, but he couldn't fix her heart.

When finally the emotions ebbed Hawkeye pulled away to look her companion in the face. "What will we do with them?" she asked, meaning the bodies of the Red.

Roy looked around them. The bodies of the men lay scattered around the room drenched in their own blood. Eli's body lay just a few feet from where they stood. Nervously, Roy replied, "Leave that to me. Go outside and wait for me." Riza wasn't sure what he was planning to do but like a good little soldier she obeyed.

He watched her leave the room and when he felt like she was gone he went about setting up the scene. He picked up the gun from where Hawkeye had dropped it and carefully wiped it off. Gently he picked up Eli's chilly hand and wrapped his stiff fingers around the handle, his finger on the trigger. Touching the man's body made his skin crawl, but he could do this, he could endure for her. The bloody knife that Eli had used to stab Flynn with was still tightly clenched in his hand. After taking a quick look around the room the scene would be apparent to anyone that walked in the room. It would look like Eli, in his despair had murdered all the men, and finally took his own life. That had been what happened…mostly. Besides, even if Mustang told the authorities what happened, who would believe him?

--

The two slipped back to Mustang's apartment roughly around 1:00 that morning. Exhaustion was waiting just at the edge of their minds, waiting to attack. "I'll take the couch." Riza stated making her way to the sofa. Roy stopped her. "No, I'll take the couch. You can sleep in my bed."

"Are you sure?" Riza asked, staring up into Mustang's tired face. He nodded and gestured her toward his bedroom door. She glanced uneasily at him once more before heading to his bed. As she disappeared into the darkness of his room he grabbed a blanket from behind the sofa and settled down for the night.

In Roy's room Riza removed her black clothes and put his dress shirt back on. The thin cotton felt like heaven against her hot skin and she slipped between the cool sheets of Mustang's bed. She laid among the pillows and blankets and breathed in his smoky scent. It was allover the sheets and pillows and it enveloped her senses completely. Laying in his bed felt so forbidden, but instead of feeling guilty she felt a little excited. The excitement dropped as she thought of how many women had probably laid in this very bed feeling the same way that she did…waiting for Roy to walk in and sweep them off their feet.

Her thoughts drifted to Roy laying on the couch, was he sleeping? Was he thinking of her? Was he dreaming of her? Her heart wished he was, but her head knew he wasn't. She wondered what it would be like to live here. What was she going to do for the rest of her life? Could she really live here; sleeping in his bed every night, eating his food everyday, playing house to a man that didn't love her, knowing that she would never be allowed to leave these walls? The thought frightened her. She couldn't stay here, not forever. She loved Roy, but she couldn't spend the rest of her life living with someone that didn't love her. He cared about her, that she knew for sure, but in her heart of hearts she knew that he didn't love her. He didn't know what love was, how could he possibly love her?

She wouldn't stay here; she'd go back home to the west if she had to. Maybe head north if she couldn't find a place back home, but she wouldn't stay with him. There just wasn't a way. She was dead in Central and there was no going back.

--

Around 4:00 in the morning Roy lifted himself groggily off the couch and made his way to the bathroom. Sleep filled his eyes and he didn't bother to open them. Without fully waking up, he went to the bathroom, washed his hands and went to bed. To _his_ bed.

--

Riza was warm…really warm. Light filtered into the room and glared against her closed eyelids. She forced her eyes open and tried to coax her self into consciousness. '_Why am I so hot?'_ She thought to herself. She tried to roll over but something was stopping her. It was wrapped around her waist. _Probably the sheets_…only the sheets weren't wrapped around her waist…two arms were!

Riza's eyes widened and she quickly turned her head to look behind her. Sure enough was Roy, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head nestled softly against the nap of her neck. Adrenaline surged through her body and one thought entered her mind 'Get away.' She tried to pull away from his embrace, but the more she struggled the tighter he held. Her heart pounded in her chest and she felt panicked. What was she going to do? She couldn't just lay here! It would be—improper! But what could she do? He wouldn't let go and he was a good deal stronger than she was. After struggling a bit more she finally gave in. It was strange, just last night she'd gave into fantasies of him coming to lie next to her and now that he had she was too terrified of what'd happened that she couldn't enjoy it.

The button up shirt that she was wearing was pushed up and his bare arms were touching her bare skin. Despite his warmth, it gave her chills. Adrenaline rushed up and down her legs as she laid in his embrace. '_Should I wake him?_' she wondered looking over her shoulder at his sleeping face. As she watched him rhythmically breathe she couldn't bring herself to do it. He looked so peaceful, so tired, she just couldn't. A few minutes pass and she felt herself relax in his arms and soon she fell back asleep.

When she awoke again he was still sleeping next to her his arms wrapped around her. Somehow in her sleep they'd changed positions and now she was facing him. His breath was warm on her cheek and his legs were intertwined with hers. The clock on the wall behind him read 10:13. It was past time to get up. Swallowing nervously, Riza gently shook Roy's shoulder. "Mustang. Mustang." She whispered.

Roy's sleeping form sighed and said, "Five more minutes beautiful."

She blushed slightly at hearing him call her beautiful. She shook his shoulder again. As she did so the memory from just a week ago sprang to her thoughts. She smiled slightly at the image of Roy falling heels over head off the side of the bed and onto the floor.

Roy's eyes fluttered lazily open. Riza could see a wide smile on his face as he opened his eyes to see her. "Morning." He said. It was nice to see her face. Over the past week he'd been so accustomed to seeing her there when he opened his eyes, it was no surprise to see her there again…there was something different this time, she wasn't just float next to him, she was lying next to him—in his arms.

The realization hit him and his brain tried to remember how he got there. Through a slight fog of memories, he slightly remembered going to the bathroom. His eyes widened and he pulled away. "Sorry." He said as he sat up. "I guess I forgot where I was sleeping last night and came back in here."

She didn't say anything. A little part of him wished that she'd say it was all right and pull him back to the bed. He looked back at her, only to find her sitting off the side of the bed putting the black pants on from last night, more or less ignoring his statement.

Hawkeye wordlessly swallowed his explanation. Part of her had actually wanted him to have come to her intentionally…not just because he forgot where he was sleeping. Without looking at him, she picked up the black shirt from yesterday and went to the bathroom to finish getting dressed. As the door to the bathroom closed, Mustang couldn't have helped feeling like he'd lost something. His arms ached for her warmth. He pushed the feeling down and pulled some of his clothes out of the closet and got dressed.


	25. Dying Never Stopped You Before

Living on Borrowed Time 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long, school got in the way. Stupid college. Wow…when did this story get so long?

Chapter 25 – Dying Never Stopped You Before

Mustang was in the kitchen when Hawkeye came out of the bathroom. Without a word to him she began heating the stove. She pulled out a frying pan and started making eggs. After the eggs began to cook she dropped in a few slices of bacon. As she put a few pieces of bread in the toaster, Roy finally asked what she was doing.

"I'm making you breakfast." She replied.

"I'm not hungry." He replied.

She turned to face him, her face a blank slate, "I told you that if I had my body I'd make you breakfast, and that's what I'm going to do. Whether you eat it or not is your decision." She turned back to the frying pan and continued cooking. Roy smiled slightly at her back, her loyalty was somehow endearing.

--

"These are really good." Roy told her as he shoveled another spoonful of eggs in his mouth.

"I'm glad you like them." She replied, her voice monotone.

Something in her voice made him stop. There was something wrong with her. He looked up from his breakfast to see her staring at the tabletop sadly. "What's wrong?"

"I can't stay here."

"Of course not. Why would you want to stay here?" Mustang asked, genuinely confused.

Hawkeye jerked her head up to look at her comrade. She knew he didn't love her, but it felt almost like he was kicking her out into the street…not that she wanted to stay here for the rest of her life, but she didn't want to get kicked out either. Hawkeye forced surprise from her face and stiffened her expression. "I'm leaving for the West this afternoon…that is if you can get me a train ticket."

"The West? Why would you go there? Aren't you going to come back to work?" He asked, apparently not following common logic.

"I can't _go_ back. I'm dead."

He gave her that heart-melting smirk. "Since when did dying ever stop you?"

"What do you propose we do? Do you really think they're going to let me just walk into Eastern Headquarters and pick up where I left off? Even if I told them that the other person was an imposter, it'd be highly unlikely anyone would believe me."

"Well they might not believe you, but they'd believe your Grandfather." He replied.

Slowly Riza put together what Roy was saying. If they could get her Grandfather to convince the rest of the military that the first Riza had died wasn't actually her, then she could be reinstated. The plan was shaky, but it could work…if her Grandfather believed them. Doubt welled up in her throat. "What if he doesn't believe it's really me?"

Roy could sense her fear and his smirk changed to a sincere comforting smile. He placed his left hand over her hands in attempts to comfort her. "He'll believe you. Just have a little faith."

Chills raced up her arm and her pulse quickened. Riza smiled slightly at her friend. Gently she took his hand in hers and studied its gentle curves. "The stains are fading," she mentioned.

Roy looked down at his hand in hers and frowned slightly. The copper colored stains of her blood were beginning to fade. Those once hated stains were almost gone, and strangely he felt sorry. The stains had kept her tethered to him, now that they were nearly gone, would the time they'd shared together fade away into just a memory too?

Riza studied his hands with the wonder of a child. His hands were soft, but the skin was thick. She smiled at how much bigger they were than hers. She turned his hand over so that his palm was up, but something caught her eye. The heel of his hand was bandaged. Gently she grazed her fingers over the dressing, "What's this?" she asked.

Roy's expression stiffened and he quickly jerked his hand away. "I don't want to talk about it." Riza couldn't figure out why it seemed like such a sore subject with him, but she dismissed it. If he didn't want to talk about it she wasn't going to force him.

"If you're done eating, I think we should head out." Roy said, shoving his hands into his pants pockets.

"Do you think it's wise for me to walk around in broad daylight?"

"You should be fine if you keep your head down and make sure no one sees you." He replied. Her face didn't seem convinced. "All right, if you're that worried about it I'll get my trench coat and hat and you can wear those." She smiled in agreement and after she was completely covered they got into the car and drove to General Grumman's house.

--

Her Grandfather lived in the suburbs of the Eastern City. Several acres of his land rolled by them as they drove toward his estate. Just out the window Riza could see several horses grazing in the fields. Her Grandfather had bought this land shortly after her mother had died. Riza had never spent much time here…this wasn't a home, it was a house. The gravel of the driveway crunched in defiance as the car rolled its way up to the front of the house. The two comrades looked up at the enormous estate. Riza couldn't help but wonder if her Grandfather ever felt lonely in such an empty place.

Mustang was the one to knock on the door. After a few moments one of the door knobs turned and the butler opened the door. Riza quickly tilted her head to make sure Mustang's hat shielded her face from the servant. She may not have spent much time at this house, but the servants would surely know her face.

"Hello?" the butler asked. He seemed unsure as to whether or not the two were traveling salesmen, it didn't help that Mustang wasn't wearing his military uniform.

"We're here to see the General." Mustang said simply.

"I'm sorry, the General has asked to not be disturbed. His granddaughter has recently passed and I'm afraid he's quite upset." The butler replied, seeming genuinely concerned for the General's welfare.

"It's actually about his granddaughter." Mustang replied, "I have information about her murder."

The butler narrowed his eyes at the two visitors. If they really had information, why wouldn't they just take it to the military intelligence? The entire thing seemed fishy to him but before he could shut the door in their faces, someone stopped him.

"It's all right Casper, I'll take care of them." A familiar voice said. It was undoubtedly Hawkeye's Grandfather's. Riza almost looked up in surprise, but remembered just in time and kept her head down. "Come in Colonel." her grandfather said as he stepped aside.

Riza and Roy cautiously made their way inside the house. The foyer was immense, but Riza was prepared. She'd already seen it and was careful to not look up, Mustang on the other hand nearly dropped his jaw. A grand staircase stood in front of him, made completely out of hand cut marble. Flowing marble flowers were carved on every surface. Portraits of family decorated the walls. A woman and a man stood frozen in oils to Mustang's left and to his right a small portrait of two men, one of which was unmistakably the General, Mustang could only assume the other man was Hawkeye's father.

"Come into my study," the general said, walking toward a door on the right of the staircase. "We can talk there."

The three walked into a dark study. Only one table lamp glared on, while a fire flickered in the fireplace. "I'm sorry for the darkness, harsh lights tend to give me headaches." The general explained, "here let me turn on a few more lights and then you can tell me about this information you have."

Mentally Hawkeye prayed that her grandfather wouldn't turn on any more lights. Riza had always secretly hated this room and she would have rathered if Mustang never found out why. Sadly, her prayers weren't heard. Her grandfather clicked on a few more lights, illuminating most of the room. He of course made sure to turn on the light above his fireplace; he had to call attention to his pride and joy. Inwardly Hawkeye groaned, above the hearth was a three foot painting of herself at age 10. The little girl in the painting was undeniably Hawkeye. The shocking blonde hair and the bright red eyes glared out over an almost invisible smile. Riza had always hated that portrait, her hair was cropped in an embarrassingly ugly cut and she hadn't reached a point to where she was beginning to fill her clothes. The ugly purple dress she wore hung on her shoulders like a sheet on a clothesline. Purple had never been her color.

If that wasn't bad enough, 3 other fairly large portraits of herself were sprinkled throughout the room. She hated this room. It was actually the General's favorite room in the house, he called it his 'Riza Room'. The general took a seat in front of the fireplace and looked up longingly at the 3 foot portrait. "She was so innocent at that age."

'_I wasn't innocent at all_.' She thought, '_Grandfather must be becoming senile. At that age I could shoot a squirrel on a tree branch from 100 yards_.'

Mustang's reaction to the room was to be expected. He was a little surprised, but mostly amused. Seeing Hawkeye at such an "innocent" age was enough to make even Falman smile.

"So, about this 'information' you have for me…" the general said, trying to prompt the two into revealing their hand. The statement seemed to pop Mustang out of his musings with the portrait and back to relevant matters.

"Sir, the information I—we have is terribly important. What we're about to tell—show you is confidential and can never be spoken of outside this room." Mustang began.

The statement definitely caught the general's attention. Mustang turned to his companion and said, "Go on, take off the hat."

Hawkeye reluctantly looked up and took off the hat. Her golden hair fell around her shoulders creating a shocking contrast between the blonde strains and the black trench coat. Hawkeye wasn't quite sure what to say, so she kept silent.

The old man gasped audibly upon seeing his granddaughter. His reaction wasn't quite what they expected. "What kind of joke is this? Haven't I been through enough this past week without hooligans and officers trying to play jokes on me. Riza was the only family I had left and you have the gall to find some imposter and play her off as my granddaughter. Casper! Casper—"

"Grandfather! It's really me!" Hawkeye said rushing to him and placing a hand on his arm. Anything to keep him from calling attention to their little meeting.

Her voice caught him off guard and he stopped shouting for a moment. It was clear in his eyes that he wanted her to be who she said she was, but logic was keeping him from believing her. "Well, you're quite the little actress. You even have her voice."

"I'm not acting. It's really me. If you'll just listen to our story then—"

"You're not Riza, Riza's dead."

"I promise you, I'm flesh and blood." She replied to him. It was obvious that he was having an inner struggle. The logical side of him was fighting to belief she was dead, while the hopeful side was praying that she was telling him the truth. After a moment it was obvious to her that his logical side was beginning to win out. She had to find some way to prove to him who she was. "I have a birthmark on my leg." She told him in attempts to prove herself to him. "I can show—"

"Birthmarks can be imitated. You're not Riza." He replied slowly turning away from her. He started to make his way toward the door, most likely so he could call for Casper to escort them out. Riza searched her memory banks, what could she possibly say to identify herself, then it came to her; a moment that only her grandfather and she had shared. "I know what really happened to Luigi!"

"That's impossible." Her grandfather said as he turned to face her. "Only Riza and I know the truth about Luigi."

Mustang sat though this whole exchange completely confused. Who the hell was Luigi? Was he another man like Eli? The thought raced across his mind and the desperately prayed it wasn't true, one revival was enough for him.

Hawkeye and the General seemed to have temporarily forgotten about Mustang and Hawkeye quickly launched into a recap to prove that she knew what really happened to 'Luigi'. "Luigi was Mother's song bird." She started, "she named him Luigi after her dance partner. She always told me to never touch the cage, but one day while she was practicing I opened the cage door and he tried to fly out the window. He hit the glass by mistake and broke his neck. I was hysterical but then—"

"I came in and told you that we'd tell your mother that he flew away…and that it was my fault." Her grandfather finished. Tears glistened on his eyelids as he realized she was telling the truth. Only his granddaughter could have known the story. Love swept over his features and he pulled her into a tight hug. Their family had never really been the hugging type, but this time he was willing to make an exception.

* * *

This still isn't the end. I've still got at least a few more chapters to go. :)  



	26. Equivalent Exchange

Living on Borrowed Time 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: And finally we get to find out what Roy gave up…though some of you have already guessed ;)

Chapter 26 – Equivalent Exchange 

It didn't take long to explain their situation to the General. He sat quietly as Mustang explained how Hawkeye's bond to him had held her soul to him and because of this had enabled him to resurrect her. Mustang sometimes wondered if the General was listening. He barely took his eyes from his granddaughter's face. His eyes were filled with absolute wonder behind his small round glasses. Roy doubted whether or not the General cared _how_ Hawkeye came to still be alive, it seemed that the General was just happy she was alive; the means were unimportant. When Mustang's story came to an end all the general could say was, "This is amazing!"

Riza smiled at her grandfather. "This is completely amazing!" the General said again. "We-we have to tell everyone! The first successful human transmutation! Mustang my boy you'll go down in history! You'll shoot up the ranks! A man that can bring the dead back to life—its—its AMAZING!"

Hawkeye's face fell. '_He wants to tell everyone…?_'

"General Grumman," Mustang started, "I'm not sure you understand. You can't tell anyone about this."

"What do you mean? This is the most amazing discovery since the wheel and you don't want credit for it?"

Mustang sighed, "It's not about credit, it's about Hawkeye. Do you really want her to be taken away to some lab and be dissected to see how she works?"

The General considered this for a moment. '_Could they really do that? Take her away?_' He knew the military and it's mindset, they wouldn't just take her away, they'd take her away and make an army of her.

"Besides," Mustang continued, "It would never work again. The only reason it worked was because her soul was still here. People that die, they're souls move on, there's nothing to bring back."

The General took in this information. The whole morning weighed heavily on his shoulders. "Where will you go?" he asked his granddaughter.

Nervously Hawkeye cleared her throat, "We were hoping that I'd be able to return to work."

The general's expression quickly changed to surprise. "How? The military records already list you as deceased. Your tombstone is already over your body—"

"The Colonel thought that you could use your influence to get me reinstated."

"Darling, what would I tell them?" her grandfather asked, "They'll ask why your not dead. I can use my influence on a lot of issues, but telling the military that you're the next Lazarus isn't one of them."

"I've already got that covered." Mustang interjected. "You're just a rank below the Fuhrer. If you tell them that it wasn't really Hawkeye that was murdered they'll be forced to believe you."

"And who shall I tell them that body belongs to? She died on the front steps!"

"Tell them that Hawkeye was working undercover for me researching a possible threat to the security of the military. Tell them that she was investigating a claim that there was someone that was posing as her in attempts to gain access to military records and information. Tell them that when she received information on the subject she left before telling me where she was going. Tell them that there was a mix up and that the woman that died on the front steps was an imposter."

The General considered it for a moment. It was a fairly secure alibi. The only real person he had to convince was the Fuhrer. The Fuhrer was a reasonably easy going man and would likely believe the story without consequence. It seemed that Mustang had thought of everything. "I'll do it." He replied.

The three spent the better part of the next hour hammering out the perfect details. They fabricated where, when, how and why the General came by this information, how he'd tell the Fuhrer and the rest of the military about it, everything, down to the last minute was planned. The morning had been stressful on all three of them. The General studied his beautiful granddaughter's face. She was no longer that little gangly 10 year pictured over the fireplace, she was a beautiful woman with a heart that matched her lovely features. '_When did she grow up? When did she stop being my little Riza?_' her grandfather wondered as watched his grandchild lean over her commanding officer's shoulder, reminding him of things to add to a list of stuff to do. '_She has someone to care for now…she's no longer a child, she's a soldier._' Riza stretched her stiff arms and back. Fatique clearly plagued her features, not only that, but still dressed in yesterday's clothing she felt dirty, despite her shower this morning. As if he'd read her mind her grandfather spoke up, "Riza, your things are upstairs if you'd like to change clothes."

Hawkeye smiled warmly at her Grandfather. After double-checking to make sure Mustang could do without her for a few minutes, she gently kissed her Grandfather on his cheek and climbed the stairs to change her attire.

Roy watched Hawkeye's gliding movements as she exited the room. He couldn't help but wonder if she'd always been that graceful and if she had, why he'd never noticed before. Just after the door clicked shut a voice broke the silence.

"She's a beautiful woman."

Roy looked back at the aging general and nodded.

"Colonel—Roy, all titles and formalities aside, thank you." The general said, his voice dripping with gratitude. "You gave me back the one person that I really cared about. My son died too young, and his wife died too young…I couldn't bear the thought that Riza would share their fate. Riza and I don't see much of each other anymore, but no matter the distance between us, I sometimes just need to know that she's there…that she's safe and healthy."

"I know what you mean." Roy replied.

"I don't doubt you do. It took a great amount of courage to do what you did. But there is one thing that still troubles me."

Roy's eyebrows lifted a bit in surprise.

"I know that in alchemy, there is a principle," the general began, "-a principle that governs the science. I believe the alchemists refer to it as equivalent exchange. To transmute something, you have to give something up. Sometimes its merely having the correct materials and providing the energy for the reaction, but human transmutation is different. It's requires a huge amount of energy…a huge sacrifice. I was interested to know—what exactly did you give up in order to resurrect my granddaughter?"

Roy's heart leapt to his throat. He'd hidden his equivalent exchange from Hawkeye easily enough, a little hair dye was all that was needed, but her grandfather was apparently a little bit more versed in the ways of alchemy. There was no use lying. "I gave up what Hawkeye gave to me."

The general's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Oh? And what was that?"

"For almost ten years, she's been my right hand. She's been there for me day after day, through every conflict, through every rank. She's saved my life more times than I can count. She's given her entire self to me, throwing herself into any assignment I give her. Constantly there providing the back up I want and the support I need. What I gave up could never really equal what she's given to me…but if you must know, I gave up ten years of my life to bring her back."

It was then that the General could finally begin to see the small crows feet that had begun to form at the corners of the Colonel's eyes, his once youthful face had a tired tinge to it. He'd aged well, for a man that would physically register as 39. "You're a good man Mustang. That's quite a sacrifice for just a subordinate."

"She's not just a subordinate, she's my friend." He replied. Putting the phrase into words seemed to really strike a cord. '_She's my friend…I guess, before this had happened I never really thought of her that way…before it'd always been business. Of course I trusted her, and I cared about her…but saying she's my friend…it really mixes personal with business. But then again…I suppose personal and business don't really have a distinction_.' Roy quickly forced himself out of his thoughts, "Besides General, she gave me ten years of her life, what's ten years of mine? It is, after all, equivalent exchange."

The general smiled. "Well I suppose she's just living on borrowed time now, isn't she?"

* * *

This still isn't the end of the fic. I've got atleast one more chapter left. If you're wondering why Hawkeye didn't notice his change in age its because the few gray hairs he was getting he dyed and the other things...well she noticed them, but sort of pushed it out of her head as "I haven't seen him while I was human for a while...maybe he's always had those and I never noticed" but all in all he aged really well so he looks pretty much like he did when he was 29. 


	27. Back to Where I Belong

Living on Borrowed Time 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: I hope that last line didn't confuse anyone. **Usually** when someone says that "You're living on borrowed time" it means the person doesn't have much time left. What I meant by "She's living on borrowed time" was that she **literally borrowed time** (10 years) from Roy when he transmuted her…so physically he's 39 now. I hope that makes sense.

Chapter 27 – Back to Where I Belong 

The reinstatement didn't take nearly as long as Riza had thought it would. She walked in with her grandfather the next morning and was present as he held a meeting with the higher ups of Eastern Headquarters. Naturally they were a little suspicious, but after a few hours they began to warm up to the idea that the first Hawkeye was the imposter. To wipe away all doubt though Hawkeye did have to answer a long string of questions from telling them the details of her most recently recorded mission, to what Mustang's middle name was. Mustang was also present at the meeting (and not happy in the least to have it revealed to the entire room that his middle name is Hubert). In addition to answering questions she also had to show off various birthmarks and scars to the board to prove that she was who she said she was. She couldn't help but blush a little at having to show off so much skin to a group of middle aged men, but she tried to ignore the feeling.

The board finally agreed that she was the real Riza Hawkeye and the other had been an imposter. Plans were made to dig up the first body and rebury it under an unknown marker. The idea unnerved Hawkeye a little, but in all truths it wasn't her body any longer, only a shell.

The hard part was over. The records were in the process of being changed and Hawkeye had been reinstated. Now all she had to do was get back to work….

--

"IT'S A GHOST!" Breda, Falman and Fuery screamed in sync as Hawkeye walked in the door just behind Mustang. The three men ran terrified circles around the room, sure that their dead comrade was coming back to haunt them for slacking off.

"She's not a ghost you idiots!" Mustang shouted. The men had stopped screaming but they were now more or less huddled on the other side of the room looking for an easy exit. "The woman that died wasn't Hawkeye." He continued. "The other woman was an imposter. This is the real Hawkeye." The men didn't seem completely convinced but they did come a little closer to inspect the could-be-ghost. Fuery stared at the Lieutenant with big eyes, trying to find a flaw in the ghost's "disguise". Breda and Falman on the other hand poked at her shoulders a bit to see if she was solid. This whole show and tell thing was beginning to get on Hawkeye's last nerve. "Are you quite through?" she asked the men.

They just continued to poke and stare at her in wonder, but the sound of a gun being cocked was all that was needed to back them off.

"Heh!" Breda laughed nervously, "Guess it really is you Lieutenant."

"Yes, it's nice to see you're in good health. You really gave us a scare." Falman added.

Fuery gave her a quiet smile, "I'm glad you're okay."

Hawkeye smiled slightly back at her three comrades. After all the times she'd scolded them for slacking off, they still had seemed to genuinely be glad she was all right. A lump formed in the back of her throat…it actually seemed like they had missed her.

"I'm glad to be back." She replied.

Just then Havoc walked in the office. He was carrying a stack of papers that was so high it was obscuring most of his view. "Hey could someone help me with this—" he started to say just as he bumped into Hawkeye. The papers scattered all over the floor and Havoc bent down to pick them up without even looking at who he bumped into.

"Here, let me help." Hawkeye said bending down to pick up the extra papers.

"Oh thanks Hawke—AHH!" he screamed. "You're—you're –a ghost!"

"SHE'S NOT A GHOST!" the rest of the squad shouted at him. The surprise of seeing Hawkeye in the flesh was enough to almost make Havoc swallow his cigarette. Quickly Mustang explains the situation to Havoc before he can scream again. Even with the explanation Havoc still seemed a little unsure. He'd seen the Hawkeye's dead body, he'd watched Mustang's spirit break on the front steps…he knew she'd died. But now…somehow she was here. Cautiously, Havoc glanced at Roy. Roy nodded as if he was trying to answer Havoc's inner questions 'Yes, that's really her.' The nod was enough for everyone. The men trusted Mustang's judgement, and if he said this was really Hawkeye, then it really was Hawkeye.

--

The day began to settle down. Hawkeye started catching up on her backed up work and Mustang actually sat down and started working. The office fell into a comfortable silence and Hawkeye couldn't resist studying her comrades. Each was completely absorbed in their own work. Riza let out a contented sigh, she was finally back to where she belonged, finally back with the people she cared about.

--

Lunch finally rolled around and most of the men disappeared rather quickly in attempts to get to the mess hall before all the good food was gone. Mustang went ahead to grab a table for his usual lunch with Hawkeye. She stayed behind for a few moments to gather a few of her things. Havoc had also stayed behind. He nervously walked up her to desk and cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Did you need something Havoc?" she said looking up.

"I—well, I. See, when you—" he started, trying to find the right words. All Hawkeye could do was wait patiently for him to form a coherent sentence. "I never really got to know you." He blurted out. "We've been working together for years and I never really bothered to talk to you."

"We talk almost everyday." She replied to him, a little confused as to what his reason for this strange conversation was.

"No, I mean really talk to you. I don't know anything about you."

"Well," Hawkeye replied, "I'm not the easiest person to get to know."

"I'd like to get to know you. When you died, the Colonel, he told me a lot about you and I realized that I never really knew you and I thought that it was a shame…so I was wondering if maybe we could eat lunch together and we could talk, I mean really talk."

Hawkeye smiled warmly at Havoc. "I'd like that. I'm supposed to be meeting the Colonel for lunch, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you joined us." She gathered her things and started to walk toward the door.

"Lieutenant?" Havoc said

"Yes?"

"It wasn't until you…died that I realized exactly how much you do around here. For a few days I had your position and yours are some pretty big shoes to fill." He explained. Gently he removed a small star from the shoulder of his uniform. "I believe this belongs to you." He said as he put the little brass star in her hand.

"Thank you, this really means a lot to me." She said.

Just outside the door Mustang listened to his two subordinates talk. '_I told you she'd be back Havoc_.' He thought smiling.

* * *

I know I keep telling you guys that this is the last chapter, but I think I might have 2 more chapters left. I need to finish my resolution between her and the colonel and then I've been thinking about throwing in an epilogue. 

I hope none of you thought that Havoc was hitting on her, he's not. He just wants to get to know her as a friend because he realized that she's a good person and there's a lot more to her than meets the eye.


	28. A Clean Slate

Living on Borrowed Time 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Okay doke, seems like I need to clear up just a few things ;)

Roy's actual age is 29, though he feels like he's 39 because of all the years that were taken off due to the transmutation. He aged really really really well, so he doesn't really look older, he's only got a few slight wrinkles around his eyes and his hair is barely BARELY turning gray (but he took care of that by dying it…he's so vain lol )

Riza had backed up paperwork because even though she was dead her job still had to be done. Havoc was trying to pick up the slack, but because they were still a member short on the squad, he was doing 1st and 2nd lieutenant work and being the lazy slacker he is couldn't get both jobs done, so naturally when she came back she had plenty of work to catch up on.

Hope that clears up any questions, oh and just to warn you, I'm probably about to piss every one of my readers off. Sorry, but its how it has to be. What can I say, I like the bittersweetness…that, and I'm a bitch.

BTW, this is **still** the same day she came back.

Chapter 28 – A Clean Slate 

"Colonel? Can I see you in my office for a moment?" General Grumman asked, pulling Mustang away from his lunch with Havoc and Riza.

"Of course." Mustang said, getting up and following the General to his office.

Once inside the General's office he asked Roy to sit down. The general pulled a familiar old chess set out of his desk, "Lets play a game, one last time." He said as he set the pieces up.

The two comrades had been playing since the first week Roy had been transferred to the eastern headquarters. When Mustang had found out that the General enjoyed chess he knew it was in his best interests to try and get in good with him. After all, the general had been his best chance to get out of this sand trap.

"One last time? Are you suggesting something Sir?" Mustang asked, barely daring to hope it was a promotion.

The General smiled, "There has been an order for a transfer. You'll be working in Central next week."

"Check." Roy replied smiling a bit at the news.

"It'll be lonely here, you've been quite interesting." The general continued, moving another pawn.

"Gotcha there General." Mustang replied moving his queen in.

"Oh! So you have!" he replied, sweating a little. Mustang had gotten much better at the game since last they played…or it could be that the General was a bit distracted. He knew that if Mustang left, Riza would leave. She would follow him anywhere, anyone could see that, and now after all that had happened, the General could see why. "Thanks to your hard work, you've made my job easier"

"I too was able to learn quite a lot from the work you gave me here, I really appreciate it General."

"I heard that Brigadier General Halcrow will be replacing you." The General mentioned as he moved his king back a space. "I don't like him. He's too stern"

"I wish you luck." Mustang said as he moved his knight into position. "Checkmate."

"Ah!" the General exclaimed, "I finally lost!"

Mustang chuckled a bit, "I finally beat you."

The General checked a small black book they kept the score in, "Mustang's record of 1 win, 47 losses and 15 draws." The general smiled at the dark haired youth, "This one's special."

The Colonel smiled back at the elderly gentleman, "I'll gladly take that win." The two men started packing up the board.

"Talking about special…" the General began, "would you take my granddaughter as your wife? She'll become a future president's wife."

The comment caught Mustang off guard. What the General was asking was more than just 'keep an eye out for her' he was asking him to spent the rest of his life with her…and with his permission! What do you say to something like that? He cared for Hawkeye…but did he love her? Sweat formed a little on Mustang's brow and he cracked a nervous smirk. "Don't think too much ahead General."

The General seemed to only be slightly let down. Mustang hadn't actually said 'no', so there was still hope.

"Well…talking about special," Mustang started, "I have some subordinates to take with me to Central."

"Yep, it's okay. Take them," Grumman replied, "Though I have to say I'll miss my granddaughter." He presented the chess board to Mustang, "Consider it a gift. You've given me more than I can ever repay you for."

Roy couldn't help but smile.

--

The clock struck midnight and Riza counted the chimes of the clock. She'd been awake all night and she still wasn't tired. So much had happened in just the past few days, it was a lot to take in. Silently she sat at her window seat polishing her guns. It was mindless work, but it kept her busy. It was something to do in the late hours. Rain tapped her window and she gazed out through the droplets at the moon. Riza sighed slightly, the moon always made her think of her father.

_"But why do you have to go! It's Christmas!" 7 year old Riza pleaded. "You promised you wouldn't leave this time."_

_"I'm sorry baby girl. I have to. Daddy's work is important." Her father tried to explain._

_Tears welled up in the little girl's eyes, "But I'll miss you."_

_The tears sliding down his daughter's face ripped at Axel's heart strings. He hated leaving his family, especially on Christmas. He tore his eyes from his little girl's face, trying to think of something—anything to tell her to make her believe that it'd be all right. His eyes caught sight of the moon just outside their window and he had an idea. Smiling he picked up the little girl and put her on his hip and took her to the window. "Do you see the moon Riza?"_

_The little girl nodded sadly and wiped one of her eyes._

_"No matter how far away I am, I'll always be under the same moon you are. So when you look up at the moon, you can think of me and I'll think of you. It'll be like being together again because I'll never be so far away that I can't see the moon."_

_Little Riza sniffed a few times, her tears beginning to subside._

_"Can you do that for me? Can you look at the moon and think of me when I'm gone?" her father asked._

She nodded and gave him a wet smile. The two hugged and he left for another business trip.

Looking up at the moon was an old habit that was hard to break, but it comforted her somehow. Staring up at the stark white sphere she wondered what Mustang was doing…she wondered if he was looking up at the same moon, thinking of her. She pushed the thought away. No need to indulge in those sorts of dreams.

There was a sharp knock on the door. _'Who would be knocking on my door at midnight?_' she thought as she got up to answer it. She glanced through the peephole and what she saw made her eyes widen. She jerked the door open, "Colonel? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come inside?" he asked, shaking a little rain from his hat.

"Of course, come in." she replied stepping aside. He walked in dripping water all over her carpet. "What is it?" she asked again, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm being transferred to Central at the end of the week." He informed her. "Are you still planning on following me?"

She cracked a slight smile at him, "Your asking me this now?"

He couldn't help but throw a sad smirk back at her.

"This just means I won't have to unpack my things." She added gesturing toward the dozens of boxes that Mustang had packed up while she'd been "gone".

He sighed and sat down on her couch. She could easily see that something wasn't right. "Why did you really come here? It wasn't just to tell me about the transfer. You could have told me that tomorrow at the office."

He sighed again, "You're right…you're always right. How is it that you know exactly what's going on in my head when half the time I don't know what I'm thinking?"

"You didn't answer my question Colonel."

He smiled slightly at her, "I guess I was lonely." Hawkeye's face was blank, but inside she couldn't help but feel touched. He actually _missed_ her. "This past week you've been there all the time and it was…nice." Riza could feel something big was coming…she could tell that Mustang had been thinking about whatever it was for a while and she could just sense it…it was big.

"I talked to your grandfather today…" he started. "He made me really start to think."

"Think about what?" she asked, a little annoyed that she had to drag this out of him.

"To-to think about what exactly our relationship is." He mumbled.

That was all it took, she knew what he was thinking, what he really wanted to say to her. He was conflicted, it was written all over his face. She could see it in his eyes, he cared for her, in a way he'd never cared about anyone before. He just wasn't sure if he actually _loved_ her, or if this was some sort of precursor to actual love. "You don't have to say it." She replied to him

He looked up at her with the saddest eyes she'd ever seen, "But I want to."

"You want to tell me, because I told you…but you're not really sure if its real, or if it's just because of all that's happened in the past week."

He nodded. She always knew just what was going on in his head. She was amazing.

"It's really all right. You don't have to say anything. In fact, I'd rather you wait until you were really sure…then I could be sure that you were saying it because you really meant it, not because you felt guilty because I told you how I felt and you didn't feel the same way. Besides, I've got the time. I'm not going to leave you." She explained.

A grateful smile crept across his handsome features. "Thank you. For understanding."

She smiled back at him, "That's what people do when they really love someone, they try their best to understand them…to do what's best for them." A little part of her couldn't help but think back to what had happened with Eli, he'd tried so hard to do what he thought was right. He'd really loved her, even if he'd gone about it the wrong way. She finally realized what he'd been going through. Riza couldn't help but be glad that Roy hadn't actually told her that he loved her…it was best to wait; then she'd really know, without a doubt that he really did love her, when or if he finally told her.

He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Thank you." He said again. "For everything."

"What are you thanking me for? You risked your life to bring me back from the dead, I didn't do anything." She replied her face flushing from the feel of his lips.

"You've done a thousand things for me. All those times you were willing to jump in front of bullets for me, for all the times you brought me coffee in the morning. For all those little things you do and for every time you've saved me. When you died, I realized that I'd never told you thank you."

She smiled at him, "Better late than never." His little speech made her remember his conversation with Havoc in the bar the day she'd died. He hadn't been able to see her then, but she'd been listening. He'd said that he'd never got a chance to thank her, to tell her that she'd been the only woman he'd ever respected. She smiled at the thought. It was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her.

"I suppose I should go." He replied as he got up and made his way toward the door. Just as he was about to step outside he turned to her and said, "I have to admit though…my bed is going to feel very empty with out you floating next to me."

Riza blushed slightly, "You were awake when I did that?"

"I'm a lighter sleeper than I look. And lets just say that maybe I wasn't as forgetful about where I was sleeping as I lead you to believe. I'll see you tomorrow." He answered with a smile as he donned his hat. Slowly he turned and disappeared into the drizzling night.

--

"Ed!" Izumi shouted from the kitchen of her little house in the south, "You've got a letter from Central."

"Oh?" he remarked as he stumbled sleepily into the room and taking the envelope from his master. "I hope it's not another notice for my State Alchemist's license again, I'd hate to have to go all the way back to Central just to get someone to stamp the stupid thing and say 'good job, see you next year.'" The blonde haired boy eyed the envelope. The return address just said "Central". He ran his finger under the flap and pulled the letter from its wrapper. The message was short and to the point.

_Ed,_

_**We** owe you one._

R.M. & R.H.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Al asked reading over his brother's shoulder.

Ed smiled at Mustang's familiar handwriting. "Nothing Al. I just helped someone get a clean slate."

* * *

The conversation with the General was taken directly from the manga (and yes, the general did ask Mustang to marry Hawkeye.) so please don't kill me.

I STILL HAVE TO WRITE THE EPILOGUE! This isn't done yet.

Sorry this took so long to write. It was a really complicated chapter and I had to rewrite it at least 3 times.


	29. Epilogue Pt1

Living on Borrowed Time 

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's Note: Alas, this fic is finally coming to an end. It took 29 chapters and almost a year, but it's finally over. All in all, it didn't turn out as bad as I thought, but it didn't turn out as perfect as I would have liked. You see usually when I write fan fiction, I write the entire story and then post it slowly chapter by chapter. That way while I'm writing it, if I need to fix a chapter toward the beginning because of something I decided to put in toward the end, I can. I know I can actually re upload chapters on here, but what good does that do me if I need to totally rewrite a chapter? It would just confuse readers, so during this fic I had to sacrifice a lot of my emotional moral writing for the sake of a continuing timeline. I'd like to thank you all for being so supportive throughout this crazy venture. There will be more Royai/ Riza fan fiction to come from me and I hope I've interested some of you enough to check out my other stories.

Now, on to the main event. Please enjoy the final chapters of "Living on Borrowed Time"

WARNING: THERE ARE SEVERE SPOILERS TO THE END OF THE SERIES AND TO THE MOVIE IN THIS CHAPTER, SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DON'T READ.

Chapter 29 – Epilogue Pt.1 

Life continued on as if it'd never been interrupted for the two. Well _almost_ as if it'd never been interrupted. The emotional wall that had built up between them had fallen. They both could feel how much closer they'd become. They weren't the only ones to notice. The tension between the two leading up to Hawkeye's death was beginning to be felt by the rest of the squad, but the following weeks the other men could easily detect the difference. None of them knew exactly what brought about the change, but most of the men, Havoc in particular, felt that the answer lay within the change in Mustang. Havoc had watched the Colonel fall from the proud man he was, to the broken individual that had been crumpled in the rain on the front steps of Eastern Headquarters. It seemed apparent to him that Mustang had finally realized how important Hawkeye was to him. After all, it had been Mustang himself that had said, "It's amazing the emotions that surface you realize when someone's gone…"

--

Hawkeye ran with everything she had left. She had to get back to the Fuhrer's home…back to Roy. Her arm had pains shooting up and down it from where Archer had shot her. It wasn't fatal, but it hurt like hell. Despite the pain, she ran on. The two had never planned for Archer to show up. Hawkeye was supposed to lure everyone away from the Fuhrer while Mustang took him on alone. With every step Hawkeye cursed herself for going along with this. She had faith in Roy that he'd be all right…but even if she believed in him, there was still the possibility they the Fuhrer would win. '_Why did I agree to leave him!_' she screamed at herself mentally, but immediately the answer sprang to mind.

_"I don't know about this Colonel." She'd said. "I don't think it's the best idea to leave Havoc and the others on their own. Without you—"_

_"I know," he replied, stopping her short. " but I have to go after King Bradley."_

_He could see it in her face that she was concerned. "Please let me at least go with you." She pleaded, " If we confront him together maybe—"_

_"I need to you to distract his bodyguards. I don't want to have to deal with anyone besides Bradley. He'll be hard enough to kill as it is without having to burn my way through subordinates that are just doing their job."_

_Uncertainty still plagued her, "I still don't see why I can't—"_

_"Please, Riza. I have to do this alone. For Maes." He said, staring her full in the face. It was the first time she ever really recalled him using her first name and just hearing it made her melt. Silently she gave him a sad smile._

Archer had gotten there first. '_Damn_!' She thought shooting at him with her left hand. It took seven bullets, but he finally fell to the ground, dead. "Colonel! Colonel!" she screamed as she noticed the lump of a man crumpled on the front steps of the Fuhrer's mansion. Beside him lay the lifeless body of a 10 year old boy. Rushing to her superior she broke into tears. "Colonel! Colonel!" she screamed as she shook him, desperately trying to bring him into consciousness. '_He can't be dead'_ her heart screamed_, 'he can't be!_'

There wasn't a response to her shouts and it felt as if her chest had been ripped open. Desperation clawed at the inside of her heart and tears rushed from her eyes. She buried her face in his bloodstained back. "Roy Mustang!" Wet sobs echoed out of her throat and pieces of the burning porch began to fall. If she didn't move soon the entire house would collapse. She didn't care…if he was gone she didn't have a place here. He was her reason, her purpose. Before she'd met him she was just a confused girl looking for her place, and he'd given it to her. He'd given her everything, a life, a job, something to believe in…even love. He may have never outright said it, but she could feel it. Every time he beamed that egotistical smirk at her, every time he made a point to ask how her day was, all those little excuses to touch her arm or shoulder, every little look he gave her showed it…it was hard to see, but it'd been there and that's what mattered to her.

"Lieutenant, I can't breathe with you on top of me like that." He mumbled, his voice raspy.

Riza almost screamed in surprise. He wasn't dead! Carefully she rolled him over, only to expose a terrible wound. His eye was gone. Vomit rose in Hawkeye's throat but she swallowed firmly. "You're going to be okay." She told him. "I'm going to get you help."

"Stay with me, I don't want to be alone." He said, echoing the same words she'd said to him over six months ago.

"Don't worry" she told him. "I'm not going to leave you." Carefully she pulled his entire body onto her back and, with much trouble, proceeded to carry him like a shepherd carrying a lamb away from the building. It was immensely hard to carry him…he was nearly 70 pounds **heavier** than she was, but shear strength of will kept her putting one foot in front of the other. She glanced once more at his face, only to see that he'd passed out. Silently she prayed to the God he didn't believe in that he wouldn't die.

--

Two days had passed as the doctors and nurses took care of the Colonel's injuries. Not only had he lost his left eye, but also he had a very severe knife wound that had missed his heart by mere centimeters. Every moment Hawkeye sat by his side unable to do anything but hold his hand. During the span of the two days he hadn't awoken even once, and the doctors were skeptical that he would make it. They tried time and again to not get her hopes up, but considering it was the only hope she could manage, she ignored them.

On the afternoon of the third day he finally came to. After about a week or so, most of his wounds had healed up enough to be moved back to his home. He still needed constant care, so Hawkeye brought a few of her things and began taking up residence on his couch. Their conversations had been very limited, mostly to just "Can I have some water?…Something to eat?…Another blanket?" Roy spent the better part of his first week home simply eating and falling back asleep. Riza didn't mind, he was alive and that's what mattered.

While Hawkeye was happy he was alive…guilt couldn't help but itch at her. If she'd just gotten there before Archer, he would have never lost his eye…he wouldn't be laying there. She played the entire scene in her mind as she sat peeling an apple by Roy's bedside.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

The comment had surprised her, she hadn't realized he was awake. "I—I was too late." She said, unable to look him in the eye.

He smiled that familiar little smirk at her, "The world isn't perfect." She looked up at him, her throat tightening. "That's why it's beautiful." He ran the tips of his fingers around a few stands of her hair. She smiled at him realizing that he forgave her, she shoved a slice of apple in his mouth. "Just shut up and eat."

Grinning, he thoughtfully chewed the piece. The entire set up seemed to remind him of those moments they'd spent together shortly after her transmutation. Things seemed so perfect. For the next three weeks they lived in their own little world. She waited on him and took care of him, while he made her smile with little remarks. Formality had been lost in the wind and they were on a first name basis.

"Riza?" Roy said over the breakfast table.

"Yes?" she replied giving him a content half lid stare over her eggs.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you first wake up?"

She smiled uncontrollably, and smoothed her messy hair as if she were self conscious, "No, you haven't."

"Well now I have." He smirked at her. Their eyes met.  
"You sound like Maes when he used to talk about Gracia." She remarked.

"Maybe I want what Maes had." He said, his voice serious. In his chest his heart stopped beating terrified of what his mouth would say next.

Riza couldn't think, so she said the first thing that came to mind. "We should go shopping today, you need some milk and I used the last of the eggs this morning." It wasn't the most romantic thing she could have said, but it was the best she could do at the moment. The last time they'd been this close to saying what they felt had been nearly six months ago…and then he hadn't been sure. Life was perfect within their little bubble and Riza would be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she was a little afraid that he really would say it. Feeling it, and actually being told that's how someone feels are two totally different things. She was a little afraid of how things would change. Would they date like normal people? Why should they? They'd known each other for over 10 years, what else was there to know about each other? But if they didn't…wouldn't it be rushing things?

Her remark had caught Roy a little off guard, but he and his heart quickly recovered, "Yeah, we'll go to the market after breakfast."

--

"Want an apple?" she said picking up one from a stand and smiling at him over her shoulder.

He grinned back at her. Every time either one of them mentioned apples they both couldn't help but think of her feeding him apples the day he really started to wake up. It'd become apart of a strange language that they're were some how making up as they went along. "Apples sound great." He replied, which in their little unspoken language could easily tell her that he wouldn't eat them without "help" from her.

He wanted to tell her, he wanted to take care of her for the rest of their lives. Just the idea made him almost giddy. His breath would catch in his throat and his stomach would do somersaults. '_I'll tell her tonight_.' He thought to himself.

"Colonel!" a familiar voice called.

Roy turned to see a familiar face. "Hello Havoc, I'm glad to see you made it back from the North. I knew you could command."

Havoc shook his hand. "It's good to see you again sir. When I came back last week they told us that you'd been severely injured…I was just going to head over to see you." He seemed to just notice Riza, "Hello Hawkeye. Are you helping him with his shopping?"

"Yes," Roy said, "Riza's been kind enough to take care of me during my recovery."

Havoc noticed the change immediately. He'd never heard the Colonel use Hawkeye's first name before. He couldn't help but look from one to the other in a slightly comical manner. "Really? When's the wedding?" he asked joking.

Both their hearts skipped a beat. "The what?" Riza blurted.

"I'm kidding Lieutenant. It's just that the Colonel doesn't use your first name often…or at all."

The two began to breath a little easier, they were just beginning to figure out how they felt and what to do…they didn't need anyone else to add to the mixture of confusion.

"So what have you been doing since you've gotten back?" Riza asked.

"Oh, just going through all the paperwork of reassignment and everything. With the Fuhrer's 'disappearance' a lot of departments are being moved around and reorganized. I hear that your grandfather is in the middle of setting up a Parliament. I'm not sorry to say, but I think that they're going to get rid of the title of "Fuhrer" completely. Sorry Colonel, but it seems the best you'll ever do is a seat on the Parliament. Not that I'm saying that's a bad place though." He added winking.

The happy little bubble that Roy and Riza had been living in the past few weeks was deteriorating fast with every word Havoc said. Living with Riza, things had been perfect. Roy didn't have to worry about the government, promotions, all the people that counted on him—all he had to think about was what he had to do to get her to reveal that sweet elusive smile of hers. Suddenly he was being thrust right back into that world and he wasn't sure if he remembered how to be the person he used to be. All those old worries began rushing back. He'd killed the Fuhrer, the leader of their nation…what was he supposed to do now?

Would they lock him up for murder? '_No, Havoc said that they believed he 'disappeared' not like anyone couldn't see through that._' What would happen to him? Would they reassign him? Would they demote him? Promote him? He wasn't sure he liked either possibility. He silently cursed himself for not thinking this far in advance. In all actuality he really had never thought he'd lived through his encounter with the Fuhrer.

"Would you believe that they actually gave _Fuery_ a seat on the council! He's head of the technical department." Havoc continued smiling at the thought of shy little Fuery speaking for an entire department.

"What's the rest of the team doing?" Mustang asked, jerking his thoughts away from his possible futures.

"Well Falman and I haven't been reassigned. Breda is still ranked as a Lieutenant and Armstrong has finally decided to leave the military."

"Oh?" Riza asked, "What's he planning on doing?"

"I think he's going to help rebuild some of Liore. I hear that his family owns half of a construction company or something."

"I'm glad that he's decided to get out." She replied, "I don't think he was ever really comfortable being a soldier."

"Yeah, its just too bad everyone wasn't as lucky" Havoc replied sadly.

Riza's eyes widened in shock. She knew exactly who Havoc was referring to, and it wasn't someone that she wanted him to bring up. She hadn't gotten around to telling the Colonel yet, and she didn't want him to hear it clumsily from a second hand source like Havoc. Hawkeye shook her head nervously, indicating that Havoc should just shut up. Lucky for her, he got the message.

Havoc didn't expand on his mysterious insinuation, so naturally Mustang was a little confused. "Who wasn't so lucky?" he asked, but when Havoc didn't say anything he began to suspect that something was going on. "What's wrong? What are you guys hiding?" he asked looking from one to the other.

"We'll talk about it when we get home." Hawkeye replied guiltily, she couldn't hide it anymore, she was going to have to tell him about Ed.

--

"How could you keep this from me!" he shouted at her. They'd been home for barely a half-hour and she'd told him of Edward's fate.

"I was protecting you. The doctor's said that any shock to your system could send you downward." She replied.

"You should have told me." He said dropping down to sit on the couch, burying his head in his hands. "What did Alphonse say?"

"Nothing really. He doesn't remember anything after the time they tried to transmute their mother. The past 4 years are a total blank."

"And that Rose person you told me about? She doesn't know what happened to Fullmetal?" he asked.

Riza shook her head. "Apparently after Alphonse sacrificed himself to bring Edward back, Edward told her that he was going to destroy the underground city. She left thinking that he was going to meet her on the surface. Only instead of meeting Edward, Alphonse was the one that came out."

"They're sure that there wasn't a body?" Roy asked, a little afraid to hear the truth.

"There was no body, no trace of anyone or anything." She replied to him. It hurt so bad to tell him these things…she could visibly see Roy falling apart on the inside…it reminded her of her own death.

A new glimmer of hope lit in Roy's eyes. "There's no evidence that he's dead."

"Roy…he's gone. You and I both know that the only way that he could have brought Edward back was if he offered himself—"

"That's not true. It worked for us—maybe he found a way to bring back Alphonse like I brought you back."

He was grasping for straws. "You and I both know that he would have never left Alphonse unless he had to. He loves he brother more than anything. If he didn't die, he would be with Alphonse." She explained. It was horrible to have to shoot down Roy's only hope, but she knew that he couldn't accept death. The quicker she explained the situation, the quicker he would have to come to terms with it.

"Maybe he had to leave—"

"Please, stop." She said, taking his face in her hands and looking directly into his deep coal eyes. "He's gone Roy, and there's nothing you can do to bring him back."

"I brought you back—"

"That was different and you know it. He's gone…you can't blame yourself."

"I guess you're right," he lied to her. "I can't blame myself."

--

The next morning the phone rang, it was Riza that picked up. "Hello, Mustang Residence, Riza speaking."

There was a deep laugh at the other end. "You sound like you belong there my darling!" her grandfather's voice stated heartily.

Riza couldn't help but smile, it did feel like she belonged here. "Hello Grandfather."

"So are you and your handsome husband going to start giving me some beautiful great grandbabies soon!"

She couldn't help but laugh slightly, "He's not my husband and you know it." Riza tried to get slightly more serious before a still sleeping Roy over heard her. "So why did you call? I'm sure it wasn't just to harass me to get married."

"Ah, you've found me out. I was actually calling for Mustang. I heard that he's been up and about and I wanted to schedule a meeting with him about his position in the military." Her grandfather explained.

"I don't know if that'd be the best thing right now Grandfather. I just told him about Edward and he's been taking it kind of hard."

"It's really important darling." The General reiterated, "If I don't get his confirmation, it'll be extremely hard to save him a spot on the Parliament."

"A seat in the Parliament! Really?" she replied surprised, "Can you do that?"

"Well the other Generals and I have decided to sponsor our own choices for the seats on the council. Then they will all go up for a vote by the people, but the vote would easily be a formality with Roy. He's got enough charm to lure love from Satan, besides he's been revered as a war hero and if its one thing people love, it's a hero."

"Well I doubt he's feeling very heroic." Riza said sadly.

"Please just let me talk to him. If he refuses to be sponsored I need to find someone else before next week." The General pressed.

"Who are you talking to?" Roy whispered in Riza's ear. She jumped slightly and let out a small yelp. "Sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I'm just talking to my Grandfather." She replied.

"Oh really? Can I talk to him? I'd like to ask him a few questions." Roy asked. Havoc's talk about rank had him worried now.

She nodded and handed him the receiver.

"Hello? General Grumman?" Roy said into the phone. "Yes, I'd like to talk to you too…no, I don't think I'm up to meeting you today…tomorrow is fine…8 A.M…yes sir…you too." Riza heard him say.

"Why aren't you going to meet him today?" Riza asked as he hung up the phone. _The old Roy would be chomping at the bit for a seat on the Parliament_…it was easy to see though, that this wasn't the old Roy his encounter with the Fuhrer had changed him.

"I actually wanted to spend today with you." He said taking her hand. "Fullmetal's death reminded me that we're not going to be around forever. Parliament can wait. You can't."

Riza couldn't help but smile. "What do you have planned?"

"Well, I thought we could go to the lake. Maybe bring a picnic." He suggested, "Then maybe tonight we could catch a show and eat out at L'amour."

"Sounds like heaven." She said. "I'll go get ready." She turned and went off to the bathroom. Riza had been a little surprised that he seemed to have accepted Ed's death so quickly, but the promise of spending the day doing nothing but being with him easily pushed any inhibitions from her mind.

Roy could see the happiness radiating off of her. All he wanted was to make her this happy everyday for the rest of her life. He wanted to spend every moment with her…to care for her…to make her smile that beautiful smile. Quietly he sighed, Ed's death had disturbed him to say the least, but there was nothing he could do. No one had murdered him, he'd done the transmutation of his own freewill. Now all he could do was move on, and try to make the best of what fate had dealt him.

"You don't deserve her." A familiar voice said.

Roy's heart began to beat faster, he knew just who that voice belonged to. He slowly turned and there, just as he suspected, was Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. He didn't look quite like the Ed that Roy had come to know. Dark circles surrounded his eyes and there was a gaping bloody hole in his chest. His skin was so pale and his eyes were filled with hatred. A psychotic smile passed over the apparition's face, "You don't deserve her and you know it."

Roy gasped…it couldn't be! "What—what are you?" it wasn't like the time that Riza had died…he was different.

"I'm a figment of your imagination." The yellow haired youth explained smiling darkly. "I believe modern mental medicine would say that I'm a manifestation of your guilt."

"I must be going crazy…" Roy breathed.

"It would only serve you right," Edward said, malice dripping from his words. "You're a murder. The least that should happen is that you go insane." Roy was too terrified to say anything, so Ed just kept talking. "The big hero of Ishbal. Some hero you were. You're just a murderer, hiding behind your orders."

"That's not true! I did what I had to, to make my way through the ranks so that I would be the one giving the orders—so no one else would have to do the things I've done."

"Your ends justify your means? Isn't that what you were telling me in the car? You're full of shit. Try telling the families of those you killed that their loved ones were just the means for an end! Tell Winry that you murdered her parents so you could make a better world…tell the Ishbalans that it wasn't anything personal, you were just using them to get into power, tell Gracia and Elysia that Hughes gladly died for your cause—tell Al that it's okay that I died because _you_ got what _you wanted_! I'm sure that it'll be a real consolation to them all!"

Roy was speechless. All the things he done came back at him tenfold.

"Aren't you going to say anything Murderer?"

"I never wanted this to happen."

"You knew exactly what you were doing Mustang." Fullmetal said. "Every step of the way you had a choice. And you chose to use me and my brother for your own ends."

"You're right," Roy said his chest tightening. Even if it wasn't really Ed talking…even if it really was all in his head it was hard to take in. Despite it all he was determined to make Riza happy. He dragged his eyes from the "spirit" and looked back at the bathroom door. "I don't deserve her, but I'm still going to try my best." He looked back to where Ed had been only to see that no one was there. He sighed heavily and began getting dressed. Something told him he hadn't seen the last of his golden hair guilt trip.

Riza smiled as the warm sun illuminated her face. "Look at the children Roy. Aren't they beautiful?" She asked as they watched a few children playing with a kite in the park. Roy nodded automatically, not really hearing the question. All of his attention was focused on her. She was beautiful…she took his breath away.

"Jason! Pay attention!" a little girl shouted at the boy holding the kite, but it was too late, the kite had gotten snagged in the lower branches of a tree. The children were much too small to get the kite. Silently, Riza got up and walked over to help the kids.

"She'd make a wonderful mother." Ed whispered in his ear. "I can see it now, your children will be the spitting images of a murderer."

"Go away." Roy whispered back. "I'm trying to move on."

Ed's words sliced cleanly through Mustang's inner wall, "Yes. Move on. Fate gave you a winning hand despite all the suffering you've caused, so of course you should get to _move on_! What about my brother? He's all alone in this world now. How do you think he'll _move on_?"

Ed's words hurt, but Roy tried to remind himself, this wasn't the real Ed, he was just Roy's conscience upsetting him. He tried with all his might to focus every amount of energy on Riza. She'd free the kite from the tree and was now starting back toward him. The grace of her movements were intoxicating.

"Are you okay?" she asked sitting down on the picnic blanket again. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine." He lied again.

"Dinner was fantastic. I don't think I could eat another bite." Riza said clutching her stomach.

"Yeah, that seafood thing—what was that?" Roy asked smiling a little.

"I think it was squid." She replied her smile growing.

"Ugh," he groaned mockingly, "I think I was happier not knowing." He unlocked the door to his apartment and ushered her inside. "I'm beat."

"Me too." She said. Her face became more serious and she turned to face him. Looking in his eyes she said, "I had a really nice time Roy. Today really meant a lot to me. It was…nice."

He smiled back at her endearingly, "Yeah, it was."

She tilted herself up on her tiptoes and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, "Goodnight Roy." The day had been perfect. Roy's cheeks warmed and he smiled. "Goodnight Riza." Awkwardly, he made his way toward his room. Riza sighed with contentment at his retreating form. She couldn't have asked for more.

* * *

Sorry that this isn't the entire epilogue. I would post the whole epilogue in one chapter, but when I got to 20 pages I decided I should break it up into sections. This was only the first 9 pages and believe it or not I'm still not done writing. I just wanted to drop you guys a line to prove I wasn't dead ;) Besides I really miss opening my email and seeing your reviews. I hope you enjoyed the first part, hopefully I'll get to post the next parts soon.

As for the part about Ed that might have confused some of you. He's really just Mustang's conscience plaguing him. Ed isn't dead in any way shape or form.


	30. Epilogue Pt2

Living on Borrowed Time

I own nothing

Author's Notes: And on I drag.

Chapter 30- Epilogue Pt.2

"Thanks for coming to see me Colonel. You were my prime choice and I wanted to grab you before any of the other Generals got the same idea." General Grumman said as he shook Roy's hand and they took their seats. Roy was feeling still a little drowsy. It was 8:00 and he hadn't slept that well. Edward wouldn't leave him alone.

"No problem sir, but what exactly did you want to talk to me about? I understand it has something to do with Parliament, but Riza didn't really tell me anything else."

"Well," the general began, "There are 4 positions left in Parliament that haven't been filled by the already instated Generals. These last four positions will be overseers of specific regions of the country. We've decided that each General will sponsor one candidate. Then each candidate will go up for a vote by the people of the region that the candidate is supposed to oversee. This way, the people will be putting their choice into power."

"And you want to sponsor me?" Roy asked, catching on.

"Exactly my boy! You'll do wonderful. You're a natural born leader." Grumman said smiling wide.

"What'll happen to me if I decide to decline? Will I be disbanded from the military?" Roy asked carefully.

Confusion glanced over Grumman's face. "Of course not. Not unless you're planning on leaving of your own accord. You're still the Flame Alchemist, and while you'd have to fill out some paperwork on what your rank would officially be, you'd probably end up being a Colonel once more."

Roy thought about this for a moment. He hadn't thought about his Flame Alchemist rank since that night at the Fuhrer's house…just the thought of using alchemy again gave him goosebumps.

"Take the job _Flame Alchemist_. You'll be head of the country just like you always wanted." Ed urged from his place standing behind the General. "Go on and take the job—this is the end you wanted. This was why you murdered all those people." Roy's throat tightened. "What? Can't speak? Don't you feel worthy of your new title? You'd be a General, you'd govern over an entire region. This is what you wanted, what you scraped and killed your way through the ranks for." Ed laughed at the Colonel. "You're weak. You got this far and you can't even say 'yes' to a simple proposal."

Roy sighed heavily and tried to refocus his attention to the General. "Would it be all right if I thought about this?"

"What's there to think about?" the General asked

"It's just a lot to take in a short amount of time. I just want to weigh all my options before I make a definite decision." Roy explained.

"I suppose that's fine, but I'd like an answer by day after tomorrow." The General said standing up and shaking Roy's hand once more.

"Thank you sir. I'll consider it." Roy replied turning to leave.

"Oh and Roy, give my granddaughter a kiss for me."

--

Roy tossed and turned in his bed that night. Images of Edward's face racing through his mind. "You used us!" he screamed at Roy. "You're a murderer!" Every little word Roy had ever said to him resounded in Roy's brain; all the teasing and abuse.

It was almost 1 AM and Riza was awake. Listening to Roy dream from her spot on the couch. She could easily hear his cries coming from his room. "Please! I'm not—I didn't want it this way—I'm not a murderer"

With every word he mumbled her heart broke a little more. She hated to know that his guilt weighed so heavily on him. Resolutely she got up and marched into his room. Grasping him gently by the shoulders she said, "Wake up Roy." He was still trying to fight his way out of his nightmare so she shook him a little harder, "It's just a dream. Wake up."

Roy sat straight up, a cold sweat running down his face. "Are you okay?" Riza asked sitting down on the edge of his bed. Roy didn't say anything, but simply continued to pant in terror. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked when he began to calm down and his breathing returned to normal.

"Not really." He replied. He didn't want to bother her with his guilt. He'd done these things and he'd have to come to terms with them on his own.

"D-do you want me to stay with you for a bit?" she asked, her heart daring him to say yes.

"Would you?" He asked. She smiled slightly at him and nodded. He laid back on the bed and she lightly brushed his bangs away from his face. The gesture reminded him of the day she'd died on the front steps. That had been his fault too…

Riza sat up with him for a few more hours. Roy wasn't sleepy in the least…especially considering his yellow-haired guilt trip was pacing the room reminding him of how much he didn't deserve her love. After a while Riza could feel herself nodding off. Every few minutes she could feel her head start to fall forward and she'd wake up again. Roy noticed easily. "Come on, lay down." He said pulling the covers back just a bit.

"No, I shouldn't" she said, shaking her head a little to wake herself up.

"Why? Because it would be improper? If you haven't noticed, you've been living here for the past month…I'm pretty sure we're way past 'improper'."

She smiled at him sleepily. He was right…and the bed looked so soft, and she was so tired. While she was thinking Roy assumed she was still hesitant, "Just lay down, its not like you haven't slept beside me before." He reminded her.

She blushed a little remembering that day she woke up in his arms and all those times that her soul had hovered next to him. "All right." She said, "Just for tonight."

He smiled and scooted over. She timidly got into bed beside him and stayed close to the edge. Roy shook his head. "Get over here." He said encircling her waist with his muscular arms. He gave her chills. It was just like six months ago. His arms were so warm and the wonderful smoky scent overtook her. She turned to face him and gently slipped her arms around his neck. Her fingers intertwined in his hair and he sighed softly at the feel of them on his scalp. All the guilt, the pain, the stress and pressure were suddenly gone. All he could feel was her. All he could see was her, and life was finally perfect. He breathed her in…she smelled gently of lilies. Soon the two fell asleep, for the first time in their lives they were perfectly happy.

--

"You said you owed me one." Edward said glaring at Mustang from across the room. Mustang had awoken once more. Edward was even more terrifying in his nightmares…at least while he was awake he could try to ignore his guilt. He sat up in bed to stare at the image across the room.

"I did owe you one. I would have never been able to bring her back without your help." Mustang replied

"And how did you repay me? I gave you the one thing you wanted more than anything else. I gave you the means to revive Hawkeye…and you got me killed." Edward raged. "You knew that I wouldn't come out alive. You really expected me to take on the homunculi and survive!"

"No…I guess I was just so focused on avenging Maes that I didn't think—"

"That's right, you didn't think. You never think of anyone but yourself. You're a selfish bastard with a God complex and you'll never be good enough for her."

'_You can't blame yourself'_ is what she'd said. But no matter how badly Roy wanted to believe that, he knew it wasn't true. It was his fault that the Ed had gotten into this entire mess. Roy had gone to their house, he knew those boys were vulnerable after what'd happened, he knew that if he tossed them a bone…a hope as to how to get their bodies back that they'd make a running start. Ed was a powerful addition to his team, even if he was only there for his own ends. It was his fault that Ed was gone…it was his fault that Al didn't have any memories and that he was all alone. He didn't deserve happiness after all the pain he'd caused.

Roy took his eyes from the apparition's figure and looked at Riza's sleeping form beside him. The gentle rise and fall of her chest made his heart ache with longing. He didn't deserve her, he knew that. He couldn't stay though, Ed's memory was too strong here and no matter how he tried to pretend he couldn't ignore it. Not when she was there as a constant reminder of how he would never be able to erase his sins.

He leaned close to her face, feeling her warm breath on his cheek. Quietly, so not to wake her, he whispered in her ear, "I have to go. There's something I have to work through…I wish I could take you with me, but this is something I have to do on my own." His heart skipped a beat and his throat tightened at the thought of leaving her. "I'll always love you." He whispered so quietly it was almost silent.

In the silence of the night he quickly got dressed, grabbed a change of clothes and left his house.

--

"I'm here to see General Grumman" Roy told the General's butler, Casper.

"Sir, it's 3 in the morning—" Casper started.

"It can't wait." Roy urged. "I have to see him now. It's military business."

Casper opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. "It's all right Casper. Apparently this is important." The General said.

"What's so important?" The General asked, "You didn't resurrect another person did you?"

Roy ignored the comment and jumped right into his plea, "Transfer me out of Central."

"Well if you decide to work in Parliament then you'll have to stay in Central, I can't really control—"

"Then I'll decline my seat in the Parliament, but I can't stay in Central anymore." Roy said rushed. All he wanted to do was be on the next train away from here. He didn't care where it was going as long as it was away. He'd made his decision and part of him was terrified that if he looked back, for even an instant he wouldn't be able to go through with it.

"Well I suppose we could put you somewhere else. Eastern headquarters would be the most obvious choice, after you left they lost the only state alchemist they had." The General explained, "But why do you want to leave?"

Roy ignored his question, "I don't think the East is the best idea."

"Why?" the General asked, genuinely puzzled.

Roy gave a quick glance to his visible guilt trip and said, "Because I don't think I deserve to be a state alchemist anymore."

"What are you talking about?" The general asked, "You're acting really strange."

"I just don't think I can do alchemy anymore. It's just—I can't." Roy tried to explain.

The General sensed how upsetting the thought of doing alchemy seemed to Roy and didn't push the issue of why. "The problem with renouncing your state alchemist title is that your rank goes with it. You'd be demoted back down to a corporal. You'd be doing simple police officer work."

Roy thought for a moment. He'd worked so hard to get where he was…could he really give all that up and start over? One look at his guilt driven Edward glaring at him from across the room made his decision easy. "Then I'll be demoted to a corporal. Just please, transfer me somewhere else, anywhere else."

"Well, our forces in the North are spread really thin…I suppose I could transfer you there."

"Thank you sir." Roy said, a slight weight lifting in his chest.

"You'll have to fill out the paperwork." The General replied a little sadly as he got up and began looking for the papers. "When are you and Riza planning on leaving?"

The weight in Roy's chest suddenly tried to suffocate him. With trouble he replied, "Riza's not coming with me."

General Grumman turned around in shock. "What do you mean? Did you two have a fight? Is that what this is about?"

"No Sir. Riza and I have gotten along fine. I just can't stay here anymore." Roy replied, staring at his shoes in shame.

"You're going to have to give me a better reason than that if you expect me to let you break my granddaughter's heart." The General replied sternly.

"I don't deserve your granddaughter…" Roy said quietly, avoiding the General's gaze. "My hands are filthy with blood."

"Whose aren't?" The General replied with seriousness that Roy had never knew the man had. "We're not saints Roy. We're not perfect, and we've all done things that we've regretted. That's no reason to run away."

"I can't face her. I can't look at her without seeing all those people that died because of me. I just want to get out of here and try to make up for some of those sins." Roy explained.

The General could see it in Mustang's eyes…no matter what he said, his mind was made up and he was going to go. The General could tell him a million truths of war, regret, and redemption, but some truths you just have to experience for yourself. "She'll follow you. Riza's got a strong will and nothing is going to keep her from you."

Roy swallowed hard, "I know. That's why I don't want you to tell her where I've gone."

The statement felt like a punch in the stomach for the old man. The man his granddaughter loved, not only was leaving her, but he wasn't even going to tell her where he was going. "She loves you—and I know you love her, if you didn't you wouldn't have brought her back."

"You're right," he replied, "but this is something I've got to work through by myself. It's like you said, if she knows where I am she'll come after me."

There was no dissuading him. His mind was made up. All the General could do was simply nod and give Roy the papers.

After everything was said, done and signed the old man watched his visitor leave for the last time. And all he could think was '_None of us are saints Roy…not even her_.'

--

Riza awoke groggily in an empty bed, "Roy?" she sleepily questioned the empty room. Realizing he wasn't there he reluctantly left the warmth of the bed and went to search for him. Chills crawled up her legs as her bare feet touched the cold hardwood floor. She made her way in the kitchen trying not to wake all the way up…she wanted so much to just find him and coax him back to bed. The thought made a little smile walk its way across her face and an elated feeling arose in her chest. The feeling began to diminish as she walked through each room of the apartment. There was no one there…in any of the rooms. Where could he be? He really wasn't well enough to just leave…especially without telling her.

She woke herself up the rest of the way and jumped into some civilian clothes. She picked up the phone and quickly dialed Havoc's number. Perhaps Roy just wanted to visit a friend…at least that's what she'd hoped. "Hello, Havoc? It's Hawkeye. Have you seen Roy by any chance? I woke up this morning and he was gone…I'm staying at his apartment until he recovers fully…are you sure you haven't seen or heard from him? No, you don't need to come over…I'm sure he's probably out just getting something to eat," she replied, lying to him.

She knew that Roy wouldn't have just walked out to get something to eat…especially when they had food in the apartment. There wouldn't be a point. '_Wait_!' she thought to herself. Roy had told her yesterday that he was supposed to give her grandfather his decision about Parliament within the next couple of days…Roy had to be there. Riza grabbed her jacket and rushed out to the car.

"Hello Casper, is Grandfather home?" Riza asked the butler politely. The servant nodded and stepped aside motioning for her to come in.

"He's in the Riza Room." He answered. Riza couldn't help but cringe a little at the pet name for her Grandfather's study…it was so stupid.

"Grandfather?" Riza said bursting into the study. To her surprise, he was alone, sitting at his desk. "Do you know where Roy is? He's gone."

General Grumman clenched his jaw in attempts to maintain his control. It was bad enough he granddaughter's heart was going to be broken, but the worst part was that he was going to have to be the one to do it.

"Did he drop by here? Have you seen him? He really shouldn't be up and around without someone with him." She continued, completely blind to her grandfather's silence.

"He was here." Her grandfather replied.

"Was? Where is he now?" she asked.

Her Grandfather couldn't bear to look at her, "I can't tell you."

Riza was bewildered by his answer, "Can't tell me? What are you talking about? What's going on?"

"He had himself transferred out of Central this morning."

"But why? What's going on? Where did he get transferred to?" Riza asked, barely able to contain all her questions.

General Grumman got up from his position at his desk and put his arm around his granddaughter. "There's something that he has to work through on his own. He needed someplace to think, someplace to go."

"Why did he leave me?" she asked too stunned to say anything else.

"It's like I said, he has something to work through—"

"We could have worked through it together! That's what people that love you do, they help you get through things." Riza said, her voice cracking slightly.

"You can't help him with this…he has to come to an answer on his own." The old man said, trying his best to comfort the last of his family.

That same old loyalty and determination rekindled in the young woman's eyes as she stared her grandfather in the face, "Tell me where he is."

The General faltered for a moment, staring down an enemy and refusing to give information was one thing…but this was Riza, "I—I can't."

"Can't or won't?" she asked, her voice steely.

"Won't. He asked me not to." He said breaking their staring game.

Riza's chest seemed to collapse in on itself, "What? Wh-why?"

"Because he knows you'd follow him to hell if you had to. He wants to do this on his own Riza…have faith in him."

Suddenly Riza couldn't help but flashback to those few moments before her transmutation_. She'd been so sure that he'd be simply committing suicide. He'd said, 'Since the first time we met, you've always been the one to have faith in me. You believed in me even when I didn't think I could keep going. I thought of quitting after I lost Maes, but you never stopped believing that I'd make it to the top. Please, you had faith in me then, have faith in me now._' Her grandfather wanted her to have faith in him…but sometimes it's so hard to believe in what you can't see.

"Have faith in him, Darling. He'll come back. He just needs to find some of his own answers."

--

Hawkeye was back in the office the next morning. Her reassignment paperwork had been filled over two weeks ago and she knew that her position at Central Headquarters would be the same. The only difference was that she was no longer following commands, she was giving them. With the colonel gone and the military being short staffed on high ranking officers due to the incident in Liore there was no one to replace him. So she was simply put in charge of their former team.

Breda was standing the back corner holding a box of filing while Falman was trying to get a stubborn file cabinet to open. Havoc was standing around being more or less idle while smoking a cigarette. Fuery was also there, rushing to try and find a can of oil he'd supposedly brought with him to fix the cabinet. They were all stunned to see the Lieutenant. No one had thought she'd be back to work so soon…especially without the Colonel.

They all stood to salute; Havoc even put out his cigarette. He tried to do that when she was around…she always told him that she hated it when people smoked—she said it reminded her of someone she used to know.

"At ease." She said, her voice business as usual. "I regret to inform you that the Colonel has been transferred. I will be taking over his duties until Parliament sees fit to bring a higher ranking officer in."

The news shocked the men. Transferred! The Colonel was a hero! How could they transfer him? As they gaped at her in amazement, she continued, "Falman, your reassignment papers have finally went through and you're being transferred to the Parliament building where you'll be head of security protocols involving the heads of state. Breda, you and Havoc will remain under my command."

The shock began to wear off as she spoke and finally Havoc was able to formulate a question. "The Colonel…is he coming back?"

"Someday." She replied, her face set in stone. "You have your orders. Dismissed."

Everyone began moving about, shuffling papers and going on errands. Hawkeye simply drifted toward a window and began to stare out lifelessly. Havoc sensed her pain. While her face was hard and unchanging, her eyes said it all. The call from yesterday morning only added to the mixture. It didn't take a genius to realize that the Colonel had left without telling her.

Quietly he came to stand next to her in the empty room. "Do you know why he left?"

"I was told that he needed to find some answers." She replied, not looking at him. Her gaze through the window remained unwavering, but it was easy to see that even if she was looking outside she wasn't seeing any of it.

"Do you know when he's supposed to be back?" he asked tentatively.

She simply shook her head, still staring blankly into the courtyard. "I trust that the Colonel knows what he's doing." She replied, looking at her friend. Her voice cracked slightly, "I know he'll be back."

Havoc's heart broke for her. He wished he could do anything to make her feel better, but all he could think to do was simply wrap his arms around her small form and give her a firm hug. "Even if you know he's coming back," he whispered in her ear, "it doesn't make the waiting any easier. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She nodded in response to his comfort and bit the inside of her cheek. Living with Roy had made her soft. She'd left her guard down for so long it was hard to put it back up. Determination swept over her and the thick wall was slowly being reconstructed. He was going to be gone for a while, and she knew that she would just have to endure until then.

* * *

More stuff to come :) 


	31. Epilogue Pt3

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: I hate this chapter. With a passion. I do have a fan art pic of this chap. about midway through. I think the link is on my profile page...if not I'll try adding it :)

Chapter 31: Epilogue pt. 3

-- Almost 2 Years Later--

"Another end to another long day." Havoc said as he stood up from his desk and stretched. He glanced over at the blonde woman sitting at the desk nearby. She was reading a casualty report…again. Hawkeye did it every Friday nowadays. He never asked her why, because he already knew. She was looking for a name…well maybe 'looking' isn't the right word, more like 'trying _not_ to find a name' was more like it. He could see it in her eyes. She was always a little afraid that this week would be the week she'd read through the list and find: Mustang, Roy, on it. Mentally he hoped that the name would be missing this week as well.

Hawkeye didn't look up as he got up from his desk; she rarely took much notice of anything these days. She did her work, she went home, she got up and went to work again. It seemed that she'd always done that, but for some reason it wasn't the same. Maybe because every once in a while he'd catch her looking out the window, as if she was hoping to see something. He couldn't blame her, almost two years had passed and he missed him too. Things just weren't the same without the Colonel.

"Lieutenant!" Called a breathless Fuery as he dashed in the room, Falman followed quickly behind. Havoc smiled, they were right on time. "There's an urgent message from Parliament!"

It was strange for Fuery and Falman to be there since their transfer and their presence caught Hawkeye completely off guard. Something must be terribly wrong if they sent someone. She prayed that her Grandfather was all right. "What's the message?" she asked.

Fuery handed her a large folded paper. She immediately jerked the paper open to reveal "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" scrawled on it in big bright letters. Falman, Havoc, Breda and Fuery shouted out "Happy Birthday!" in unison as she smiled slightly at the card.

"Thank you, this was very sweet." She replied, a little taken back from the attention.

"That's not all Lieutenant." Falman said as he pulled a gift out from behind his back. "This is from Fuery and me. Go on, open it."

Hawkeye set the small gift down on her desk and pulled the bright blue paper off gently. She opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver necklace with a gentle stylized bird as its charm. She picked it up out of the box and smiled as the bird glistened in the dying sunlight. "It's beautiful. Thank you." Fuery blushed slightly, "I'm glad you like it. Scheska helped us pick it out."

It was apparently Breda's turn. It was a simple card. A fuzzy bear sat on the front cover eating a honey comb, and on the inside it read, "Hope you have a Honey of a **Bear**thday!" Within the card was a gift certificate for a very beautiful clothing store in the center of the city. "Sorry if it seems a little impersonal Lieutenant…me and Havoc had planned to get you something else, but it didn't quite pan out. Heh, I hope you like it anyway."

"It was very thoughtful," she replied.

"I had a back up present just in case what we had planned didn't work out." Havoc said giving her a very messily wrapped gift. It was fairly heavy and Hawkeye eyed it with bewilderment. As she started to pull at the paper, Havoc stopped her. "Uh…you might want to open it later." He said smiling. She gave him a puzzled look but simply put the package on her desk. "Thank you all." She said standing up, "It was really sweet of you to remember—"

"Oh! Lieutenant," Fuery said running out into the hall and coming back with another gift. "Your Grandfather sent me down with this. He told me to tell you happy birthday."

Hawkeye unwrapped the square package slowly, she already knew what it was. Her grandfather always got her the same gift every year. She opened the box to reveal a beautiful ornate snow globe. Inside the snow globe was a lovely woman sitting on a bench in a gorgeous evening gown. On the top part of the globe there was a little star sitting on a cloud. She smiled sadly at the trinket. The woman made her feel even more alone than she'd felt in a long time. The woman seemed to be sitting there waiting for someone…much like she was waiting for him.

"I have to go Lieutenant, there are a few more errands to run before I get off duty." Fuery said backing out of the room. Falman also indicated that he had to leave. Breda and Havoc said their good-byes and left just a few minutes later.

Night had fallen and Hawkeye couldn't bring herself to go home. Black Hayate sat next to her desk, deep in slumber. He was the only reason for her to go home. She had to feed him…but that was all. Work was empty; it was just meaningless busy work nowadays. She tried her best to stay positive but part of her just wanted to stop coming all together. She knew she couldn't…that she had to continue to support herself, but the joy she'd had was gone.

Riza looked out at the moon and her heart ached. Was he thinking of her? Did he miss her? Was he even alive? Her thoughts were interrupted by Havoc coming back into the office.

"You're still here?" he asked. "I thought you'd left. I just came back to get my house keys."

She nodded at him and turned to face the window once more staring out at the moon. Havoc soon joined her. "Did you open the gift from me?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No, you told me to wait."

"I just told you to wait because I didn't think you'd want to open it in front of the guys. You can open it now though."

She eyed him nervously. What would be so bad that she couldn't open it in front of the others? She mentally prayed it wasn't a mini skirt. Gently she ripped off the paper and smiled brightly at the gift. "Thank you Havoc." It was a romance novel. He was one of the few people that knew she had a secret passion for them. She read the title mentally 'Living On Borrowed Time.' Hawkeye flipped the book over and quickly read the back. '_Sergeant Marie Calvert and General Kyle Johnson are_ t_wo star-crossed soldiers that care for each other deeply. Pride and rank form an enormous barrier between the two preventing them from revealing their true feelings. When Kyle is ordered into the battlefield only to be severely injured Marie must find the courage to leave pride and rank behind to reveal her true feelings before it's too late._' For the first time in over a year Hawkeye smiled…really smiled.

"I think that's the first time I've seen you really smile in a while." Havoc said. "Nowadays it's always that painted on smile that says that you're only smiling so that the people won't be concerned about you."

Riza felt her eyes being drawn back to the window and the moon. "Smiling isn't as easy as it used to be." She said.

"Well if I remember correctly you didn't smile that often to begin with…but at least when you did you meant it." Havoc said staring out the window with her.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked

She thought for a moment and looked at him in surprise, "I guess for not smiling right."

He smiled back at her pitifully, "Its okay to be sad…it's okay to miss him. We all do."

"I guess…Its just that a part of me wonders if he misses us." She replied, "It's been almost two years and he hasn't sent any sort of word. What if he's dead?"

"It would have been in the casualty reports if he was." Havoc said reasoning with her.

"For all I know he's not in the military anymore." She said. "All I want to know is that he's all right."

"I'm sure he's fine. This is the Colonel we're talking about. He got shot in the face and he was okay." Riza nodded, but a little part of her couldn't believe Havoc. It wouldn't be until she could see him again that she'd be really sure. "You know," Havoc continued, "if he still is in the military you could probably track him down. There has to be a paper trail somewhere. It probably wouldn't take that long."

"To tell you the truth, I've thought about it more than once." Riza replied guiltily. "But I never could go through with it. He left because he needed to get a change of scenery. He left to-to get away from me—"

"That's not true." Havoc interrupted.

"Don't lie to me Jean." She said. He noticed she used his first name…a true rarity for Hawkeye. They'd become good friends since Mustang's disappearance and every once in a while she would use his first name, but it was usually when she felt she needed to press a point on him. He knew she meant business when she called him Jean. "He left because he couldn't do whatever it was with me here." She continued. "I've come to terms with that…I think its one of the reasons I never looked him up. He didn't want me to know where he was and I respect his decision. I'd never want him to lose his trust in me just because I couldn't be patient. If he wants me to know where he is, he'll tell me. Until then I'll wait for him."

Havoc's heart broke for his friend. Day in and day out he watched as a little bit more of her faded away into this machine-like existence. He couldn't just sit around anymore and watch her be in so much pain. He'd find Mustang if it was the last thing he ever did.

Hawkeye walked slowly home, Black Hayate trotting by her side. The air was warm and the deep buzz of summer was in the air. She could feel something was coming…she just couldn't help but wonder what it was.

She got to her home before she wanted to and sighed at her doorway. She didn't want to go in and see that empty room staring back at her. Silently she willed Roy to be standing just behind the door with that charming smirk on his face. He'd tell her that the past 2 years had just been a bad dream and that he loved her. She sighed sadly. Why did she get her hopes up like that when she knew that he wasn't going to be there? '_It's because you're a hopeless romantic._' She answered herself, '_You think up scenarios like this because you read too many romance novels_.' She knew it was silly to hope, but she just couldn't help herself. Hawkeye put her keys in the door and walked into her apartment. Naturally, it was empty.

She sighed getting more depressed by the moment. '_It's my birthday…and the one thing I want, is the one thing I can't get._' She hung her head only to notice a small carefully wrapped box at her feet. "What's this?" she asked Black Hayate who was sniffing it and barking happily. Riza looked around the box for a card or something, but there was nothing. Cautiously she opened the package. Within was a pair of beautiful silver stud earrings much like the ones she always wore. She'd had her usual pair for over five years and they were getting very dull. Her heart leapt into her chest as she read the little note inside the box. "I love you."

'_Could it be from him?_' she almost dared to hope. But just then her rational side kicked in, '_Stop doing this to yourself Riza. It must be from Grandfather. Roy is gone, and he's not coming back anytime soon_.' Still…even with that logic it was hard not to hope and wish that they really were from Roy. She tried to push the idea out of her head so to take her mind off the sender she took her old earrings out and put in the new ones. Staring at her reflection in the mirror she tilted her head from side to side watching as the light glinted off the jewelry. Whoever they were from, they had good taste.

--

It took two months to track the Colonel down. Havoc and Breda had actually tried to look him up before Lt. Hawkeye's birthday, but they didn't have the time. Havoc wasn't willing to give up, not now…not after that night in the office. He was her friend and as her friend it was his responsibility to do what he could to help her.

Colonel Mustang was positioned out in the outer regions of the Northern Border. Snow roared from the sky blinding the two lone soldiers. "Colonel! Where are you Colonel!" Havoc and Breda called in the desolate landscape. There was a quiet sound from behind them and Havoc was surprised to see what he'd thought was a mound of snow slowly turn into his former commanding officer. Mustang saluted the two men, "Lt. Havoc, Lt. Breda, thank you for coming all the way here." The Colonel didn't seem disturbed or surprised in the least to see them there, he just seemed tired. Mustang had been expecting them for a while…he knew when he left it would only be a matter of time before one of them decided to come looking for him. Admittedly, he hadn't thought it would be Havoc and Breda.

The three men made their way inside and Mustang stoked the fire. "I'm glad to see you doing well." He said. Havoc and Breda made a move to salute, but he stopped them with a raise of his hand, "Please don't be so formal, I'm just a police officer"

Havoc's eyebrows jumped in surprise. He smiled teasingly "Oh really? Well then Corporal Mustang…" he started, but was quickly shut up by a jab in the gut by Breda. Breda threw him a look that easily read 'shut your pie hole, you're being disrespectful'. Even though Havoc hadn't really meant anything by it, he felt a little guilty. Thankfully Breda changed the subject.

"It's like you Colonel to choose such a rural area." He commented.

Roy stoked the fire some more, "I'm doing what I can for my country in my own way." Silence enveloped the room. Things were so unbearably awkward. Havoc started to wonder why he was even here.

"You're officers are loyal Colonel Jerk." Hallucination Edward commented. Roy ignored the spirit. He'd been putting up with his condescending remarks for the better part of 2 years and while he knew they weren't coming from the real thing, it was hard not to take them to heart. "You don't deserve such loyal officers. Its good that you're not commanding anymore, they'd surely be dead by now if you were."

Finally Havoc's anxiety got the best of him and he pulled out his cigarettes. Before he could reach for his lighter Mustang pulled a box of matches from his pocket and began attempting to strike one. The gesture seemed to show just how far the Colonel had fallen. "Colonel…" Havoc started to protest.

Mustang gave up on trying to light the match, "I haven't used alchemy once since that day."

"The Flame Alchemist?" Breda asked, a little afraid to finish his sentence.

"When I try to, I see those that have passed away due to my foolishness" Roy said. He placed his hand on his eye patch in remembrance "this eye…doesn't equal the price of the lives of those that are gone."

"Colonel come back with us." Havoc said simply blurting it out.

"No."

"But why not?" Breda asked. The Colonel was being silly. You can't change the past.

"I don't deserve to come back."

"You're being unreasonable." Havoc said, gulping slightly. He wouldn't usually dare talk back to the Colonel like this, but just the image of Hawkeye's face and her fake smile urged him to keep trying.

"This is my penitence; it's what I deserve, and I'll do the best I can with it." He replied.

"Does Hawkeye deserve to serve this penitence with you?" Havoc asked. Breda looked from his comrade to his former commander in shock. Havoc wasn't usually one to speak out so diligently, but over the past two years he'd become more of his own man. It was strange…Breda wondered why he'd never noticed it before.

Havoc's comment caught Roy off guard. His heart seemed to rip its way out of his chest. In two years he'd managed to avoid the topic of Hawkeye. While she'd never been far from his thoughts he'd hadn't actually had to talk about her. His voice wavered slightly, "How is she? Is she all right?"

"It depends on your definition of all right." Havoc remarked. "If you mean 'does she do her job?' then yes, she's perfectly fine. But if you mean 'does she live her life…does she enjoy every day…or is she the same person she always was?' then no, she's not all right."

Roy almost couldn't bear it. He'd hoped that she'd moved on after he'd left. All those years she'd served with him, waiting for him to finally say 'I love you,' putting her entire life on hold because she was waiting on him…he'd hoped all that would fall behind her if he wasn't around. He'd only wanted her to be happy…and it seemed that his plan had backfired more than he'd ever thought possible. She didn't deserve to live her life alone just because he had personal demons to deal with…but he also didn't deserve to be rewarded with her love after all the damage he'd done to others. It was paradox at work. No answer was the right one.

"What should we tell her when we get back?" Havoc asked, just waiting for the Colonel to tell them that he couldn't help but come back now that he knew what was really going on.

"Tell her…" he started, "that I'm sorry. I can't come back with you."

Havoc set his jaw firmly. If Mustang could be stubborn, he could be too. "We'll make sure to relay that to her. Let's go Breda."

The two men got up, gave the Colonel a silent salute and left. Mustang followed them out to resume standing at his post in the snow. As the two companions got to the top of a snow bank they turned around to look at the outpost from a distance. They couldn't see Mustang from where they stood, the falling snow was obscuring everything.

"We should have invited Lt. Hawkeye as well." Breda shouted to Havoc over the blizzard.

"That person wouldn't have come." Havoc replied "She wouldn't want to see the Colonel like that. Plus I feel like the person that the Colonel is waiting for isn't the lieutenant."

"Then who is it?" Breda asked, clearly confused.

The former colonel stood outside at his post staring blankly ahead. The voices of his former men were carried on the wind 'that person wouldn't have come…she wouldn't want to see him like that…' it broke his heart and clawed at his insides. He deserved to stand outside in this freezing weather.

"It makes sense that she didn't come." Edward whispered in his ear. "Why would she want to see a poor broken down man like you?"

"Shut up." Roy replied aloud to his tormentor. "What do you know about love? About wanting to share your life with someone? I'm not perfect and neither were you. You lost your brother's body in a human transmutation because you were obsessed with the past and losing your mother. And because of it, you spent the rest of your life trying to correct your mistakes. Just because you spent your life living in the past doesn't mean I should have to. I've given up everything because you keep making me relive each moment of guilt, but no more! I won't be tortured by a cheap imitation of someone that's not even dead!"

"How do you know I'm not dead?" the spirit Edward asked in a cocky tone.

"Because the real Edward wouldn't be following me around. If he'd really died he sure as hell wouldn't be haunting the one person he hates the most. He hated working under me, he certainly wouldn't stop to spend the rest of eternity with me." Roy reasoned. "Besides, he's too stubborn to die." Within moments the spirit Edward began to slowly dissolve, a disturbing smile locked in his features. Was it over? Was his guilt finally gone? Mustang was a little scared to actually believe it was true. Edward wasn't dead, he was too resilient for death. The former Colonel let a hesitant smile ease its way across his face as he turned and went into the small outpost. Just as he opened the door he heard a crackling sound from the radio.

"Come in Northern Outpost! Come in Northern Outpost! Do you read me!" a voice called.

"Corporal Mustang reporting!" he shouted into the receiver.

"What's your situation! Are there any earthquakes there?"

Mustang was more than a little confused, "Everything is quiet here. What's going on?"

"There were just two simultaneous earthquakes. One in Lior, and one in Central." The man replied.

'_Central AND Lior! –Could it be…him?_' Mustang pushed the thought from his head and focused on what the man was saying.

"The damage is devastating. It'll take years to rebuild it all."

"Central Headquarters, is it still standing!" Mustang asked, terrified for a brief moment that he'd lost her again.

"Yes, thankfully it's still standing. There's a strange report from Lior though. there are armored people crawling out of the center of the town's square. They seem to be coming out of some sort of gate or transmutation circle." The man mentioned.

"A transmutation circle?"

"Yes—hold on, they're reporting that someone is trying to defend the town. Someone in a red trench coat…"

Roy heart leapt to his throat, '_Fullmetal_?'

"I think they said his name was Alphonse Headrick." The man reported on the other end of the line.

Roy's heart fell to the bottom of his stomach, "Do you mean Alphonse Elric?"

"Yeah, that's it. Do you know him?"

"Yeah, a long time ago." Roy said, the entire disappointment of the conversation really falling on his shoulders. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, for now I think. Are you sure there's nothing strange going on up there?" the man asked again.

Roy glanced out the window at the blowing blizzard, "Yeah, I'm sure. Call back if anything else develops." The radio static crackled to a dead silence and Roy sat in the flickering light of the fireplace. After about an hour, the radio crackled once more, "Northern outpost! Northern outpost! Mustang pick up!" the familiar voice screeched.

"I'm here!" he shouted in the receiver. "Is there anything new on the Lior/Central incident?"

"Yeah! The armored people, they started to round them up, but they were all dead. And just as the police in the area were trying to think of something to do with them the armor just levitated right into some sort of gate in the sky!"

The news was shocking. There was only one thing connecting the two places. Roy couldn't help but wonder if it could really be a sign from him.


	32. Epilogue pt 4

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: Sorry if this doesn't seem like the same story any longer. I promise my section of the story the whole Riza Transmutation thingy seriously does fit in with the movie and stuff…you'll just have to wait 'til the end. w00t all the way to the end of the movie. One chappie to go!

Chapter 32: Epilogue pt. 4

It took almost a day for Mustang to finally bring himself to make the call. Unfortunately, Alphonse wasn't the one to pick up.

"Rockbell Automail shop, Winry speaking." The girl on the other end of the phone said.

Roy gulped hard. He was going to have to face all the things he'd ran from head on if he was going to get to the bottom of this. "Hello Winry. It's Mustang. Is Alphonse there?"

It would be a lie if Winry had pretended to not know the name. She knew this man…he'd killed her parents. Strangely enough, she held on ill will toward him. At first she'd hated him—wanted him to rot in hell, wanted him to hurt as bad as he'd made her hurt. It was then she talked to a very wise woman. The woman had told her that she was willing to do what it took to protect him…it was when Winry _asked 'what if the person isn't worth protecting?_' that she got a surprising answer, "That's my decision to make." The woman had replied. Winry hadn't understood her reasons at the time, but she soon came to understand that he wasn't a cold-blooded murder, but a man that was doing what he had to. She now knew that he thought of her parents everyday, and even if it took their deaths to impact him, they'd impacted him for the better. That day, standing out on the rocks next to the riverside, she could see the determination in his eyes as he told his plans to rise through the ranks. It was then that she saw just how much of an impact her parents had made. They'd died doing what they loved, they'd known the risks and they'd taken them anyway, because of their deaths this one man had made it his entire mission in life to make sure that others wouldn't have to suffer like she did. Because her parents changed his outlook, he was determined to change the outlook of their entire nation. He was worth protecting, she could see that…and a little part of her knew that if her parents could see the man that he'd become, they would know that their deaths weren't in vain, they were still saving lives, thanks to the man that had taken theirs.

"It's been a while." She replied, breaking away from her thoughts.

"Sorry," his voice crackled on the other end, "I'm in no situation to make a phone call."

"It's all right," she said, "But Al isn't here."

"He's not?" Mustang asked, genuinely surprised. From what Riza had told him, Al would be just around 12…where would he be if he wasn't living with the Rockbells?

"He disappeared," she replied, her sadness of being left behind again seeping into her voice. "Al, and Wrath too."

"I see." He said, thinking out loud, "They're probably at Central."

"Yeah."

"Lior and Central, the two cities where the disasters occurred at the same time. Their common point—he probably came to the same conclusion I did." Mustang said, trying to not reveal too much.

Winry's heart skipped a beat or two, "Is it something related to Ed perhaps?" Life had gone on since her childhood friend had disappeared, but a little part of her could never accept his 'death'. Edward was too stubborn to die.

Roy didn't want to get her hopes up. He knew how much Winry cared for Ed, it would be cruel to lead her on with only a thought and a clue. "I can't say anything as of now."

"Oh…" her voice dropped. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to gather some more resources and see what information I can make out." Roy told her. "It was good speaking with you Winry."

"You too Mr. Roy." She said just before setting down the phone. After a moment of thought she went to her room and picked up a special metal case and packed her bag. Mustang was trying to lie to her. This had something to do with Ed, and she wasn't about to be left behind again.

Roy stared at the phone, that old determination crawling back into his gut. If Ed was still alive, he was going to make sure the world knew. It was the least he could do for her. He picked up his bag in the corner and left his post. He was needed and he was tired of running away from his problems. Some things just had to be faced head on.

--

"Give me the Easter lilies please." Roy said pointing to a bouquet of beautiful white flowers in a case behind the counter.

"That'll be twenty." The woman working the cash register said smiling. It was obvious that she found him attractive. He gave her two bills without so much as his trademark smirk. "Are these for your girlfriend?" she asked non to slyly.

"No." he replied shortly taking the bouquet from her.

"Oh…well if they're not for your girlfriend, for your wife maybe?" she was obviously fishing.

"No." he said again as he turned and headed for the door.

The girl wasn't going to give up that easily, "So you're single then? Maybe you'd like to—"

"I'm not interested. Sorry." Roy replied without even turning around. Two years ago he would have swept her off her feet, but a lot changes in two years.

Roy stood by his friend's grave, silently reading the name over and over again willing it to erase from the stone. Wishing that somehow Hughes would simply walk up behind him and shove a picture of his daughter in his face.

"Isn't she beautiful?" a voice said from behind him.

Roy's heart jumped out of his chest as he turned to see his old friend staring at one of his zillions of pictures of his daughter. "Maes!" Roy gasped. "You—you're—"

"Before you get started, it's not really me."

Needless to say, Mustang was more than a little confused.

"I'm kind of like the Ed you've been seeing. A figment of your imagination manifesting itself in the terms of someone you lost." Maes explained.

"Oh…" Roy replied, his heart dropping down to his shoes.

"You know Roy," Maes said, putting away the picture, "you should really get your head checked out…or therapy. I think you see way too many things that aren't there."

"I should, shouldn't I?" He smiled. Even if it was just his imagination, it was really good to see Maes.

"What you should do is move on." Maes said, becoming quite serious.

"How? I've done so many things, I've—"

"Helped a lot of people." Maes interrupted. "You're a good man Roy. Sometimes we do things that we regret, but all that we can do in the end is move on."

"But I should have—I should have down something. I should have done something in Ishbal, we murdered an entire race! I should have done something when you died. I should have—"

"You can't protect everyone. And you can't blame yourself for every death that happens."

"But—" he started.

"No 'buts' Roy. In Ishbal **one** soldier wouldn't have made the difference. I died, and when I did, I knew the consequences. I was a soldier. We all have our jobs to do. None of us are saints Roy, not even me."

Something finally clicked within Roy's head. He seemed to be seeing all the guilt and problems from the past two years from a totally different perspective. These past two years he'd carried the world on his shoulders, and now it was as if he could finally put everything down. All the guilt and blame from the past two years and even before that seemed to lift its way off his shoulders.

"She loves you a lot Roy." Maes said. "Don't you think its time that she gets a little happiness too?"

"Its just that after all this time I thought that maybe she'd move on with her life—"

"When you find that one person, the one that you _want_ to wake up for. You can't just forget about them. She loves you, and I know you'd be lying if you said you didn't love her."

Roy smiled, "I do love her…a lot"

"Then go spend the rest of your life with her. Don't you think that you've made yourself suffer enough?" Maes said smiling.

Roy smiled. He placed the flowers on Hughes grave and watched as his friend slowly dissolved. "Thanks."

--

The ground shook violently as bombs dropped in the distance. People were seen running and screaming down the street as men in armor marched on the once peaceful city. Roy walked quickly against the human current, trying his best not to get knocked down. He had to get to headquarters.

"Who the hell are those guys?" Havoc asked around his cigarette as the squad attempted to keep the invaders at bay. The armored men simply continued their march into town like mindless pawns. Hope was running thin. Just then a familiar muscular man dashed in between the soldiers and the armored assailants and ripped off his shirt. "Behold this artistic transmutation!" he shouted, his muscles sparkling in the sun as he pounded the ground with both his fists. Immediately the ground erupted in several undulating statues (that bore a very good resemblance to him) that knocked the intruders off their feet. "Major!" Fuery called out happily, finally some hope of winning this battle.

Armstrong quickly did a back flip and landed behind the barricade. "Armstrong!" Falman shouted, "What are those things?"

"They seem to be the ones that appeared in Lior." He replied. No time for 'welcome back's, they were in war. A few armored men were getting back on their feet from Armstrong's earlier assault when someone called to the soldiers, "Falman! Fuery! Behind you!" The three men turned to see dozens of armored soldiers crawling down the front of Central Headquarters. So much for that hope of winning…

The soldiers quickly turned their attention from their front flank to their rear and everyone open fired on the new invasion force on the roof. A few of the armored men fell to the ground, but more were still coming. Everything seemed so hopeless. They were going to die there. '_I wish Roy could be here…_' Hawkeye thought in the far reaches of her mind, _'I wish I could see him one last time…_' As if someone heard her prayers Roy Mustang walked casually in upon the scene, as if he'd never left.

Hawkeye blinked twice and she couldn't stop herself from smiling wide. It wasn't a dream, he was really here. "Colonel!" Havoc said smiling at his former commanding officer. Mustang gave him a slight smirk as he simply snapped his fingers and incinerated the armored men on their front flank. '_He came back_,' Havoc thought.

"Colonel Mustang!" Fuery shouted happily, his hope restored.

"Warrant Officer Falman!" Mustang shouted, "Protect the building with the troops at hand." With only a "Yes Sir!" Falman carried out his orders.

"Sergeant Major Fuery, send a message to the armored unit and immediately deploy the tank troops within the city, stop the enemy's movement." Fuery jumped up and complied with orders.

Havoc smirked to himself and said to Breda, "Look the Corporal's giving orders."

"Ensigns Havoc and Breda!" Mustang said, interrupting their chatter. Fear hit them and they immediately sprung to attention, "Yes sir!"

"This headquarters is the final fortress," he said, "get the generals together and make them signal to retrieve the soldiers from each garrison."

"Yes sir!" they said and ran off to complete their orders.

"Armstrong," He said turning to his friend, "In order to take down the enemies in the sky…"

"Yes, a balloon." Armstrong finished as if he knew his thoughts. "I'm going!"

The soldiers were gone, and there was only one other soldier left on the front lines other than himself. He'd avoided her gaze…afraid that she would be angry with how he left her…now he had no choice. He had to face her. Slowly he turned to look at her. She simply stood to attention, smiled at him and said, "We've been waiting."

He swallowed hard. Even with her helmet on he could see she'd grown even more beautiful than the day he'd left. Every fiber in his being told him to run to her. To take her in his arms and never let go.

She stared at him feeling breathless. She kept expecting this silly little romance novel fantasy to end, but it didn't. This was the real thing, and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around and never let him leave again.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I—" Bullets flew between the two reminding them of exactly where they were.

"I guess our reunion will have to wait." She said quickly reloading her rifle and taking aim. He nodded and snapped his fingers at their enemies. The scene felt so familiar, it was like he'd never left.

As the two fought they were eventually being crowded into a corner. Roy looked around for anyway out. To his right he noticed a small side street where Major Armstrong and a few other soldiers were finishing up the balloon.

"Major!" He called and rushed to the man.

Armstrong turned and gestured to the balloon saying, "This is all we could make."

The balloon looked fairly sturdy; the canopy was made of the large draped flag that usually hung on the front of Central Headquarters. "That's good enough." Roy said as he rushed to the balloon. Kneeling down, he snapped his fingers once inside the canopy to heat the air. The balloon quickly began to fill and he hopped into the basket.

"Armstrong," Roy whispered to his long time comrade. "If I don't come back, take care of her." Armstrong needn't ask to whom he was referring, it was obvious. He simply nodded, and prayed that he wouldn't have to carry out that order.

It began to lift off the ground and Hawkeye just out of the corner of her eye she saw him in the balloon. '_He can't leave me again!_' she screamed to herself. She ran toward the rising balloon. "Please wait!" she screamed to him, but Armstrong stopped her.

"I'm sorry!" he shouted down to her, "There's only room for one." It was a bad lie, but he couldn't risk her life. He had to do this on his own.

"But no! You can't!" she screamed, watching his form become smaller and smaller, "don't leave me again…" she whispered under her breath.

Roy's balloon sailed toward the enemy ship and two hundred yards away there was a familiar blue light of a transmutation. He smiled as he could clearly see two young blonde haired boys atop a rising concrete platform. There was no mistaking the Elric brothers. Suddenly the enemy ship fired at the base of the platform and the brothers lost their balance, nearly falling to their deaths. As they slowly crawled back to their former positions the enemy ship aimed to fired again. With one quick snap of his fingers, Roy exploded the entire gun array on that side. He was now close enough to the boys for them to hear him, "Now lengthen it FullMetal!"

Edward smiled, it'd been a long time since anyone had called him that. "Colonel!"

Roy smiled at his former charge. He was alive…any guilt that remained from the past two years faded away into a complete nothingness. The two boys clapped their hands and created a concrete spear and harpooned the airship, bringing it to a stand still.

As the balloon drifted over the concrete extension Roy hopped out and began running up to greet the enemy. Falling footsteps behind him indicated that Ed and Al were following. One glance behind him he could see Edward's face. He was older than Roy remembered, but that was to be expected. He even looked like he grew a little. "It seems you brought over this trouble."

"Sarcasm already!" Ed panted, "Man, that eye patch doesn't suit you well!"

"Excuse him!" Al interjected ever the peacekeeper.

Just as the three finally reached the airship a few guns took aim at them. Roy quickly blasted them away, but two more guns alchemized in their place. If he hadn't been fighting for his life Roy would have liked to find out exactly how their enemy was making these alchemic reactions appear so quickly. The three men found shelter from the gunfire behind a few support pillars that were holding the platform to the ship. Within moments Roy had exploded a few more of the guns. As the smoke dispersed he instructed Ed, "Go in from the front, that's why I came."

"Yeah, I'll do that." Edward smirked as he rushed right into the craft without so much as considering the consequences. '_He'll never learn!_' Al thought, "Brother! Wait!" he called rushing into the ship after him.

As Roy watched the two boys disappear, he couldn't help but smile to himself, "I knew you were alive." Two more guns suddenly alchemized and he poured his attention back to the problem at hand. He'd lived through 1 massacre, 1 siege, and a complete overthrow of power in his country and he'd be damned if some bomb crazy sadist was going to destroy his country just as it was about to get back on its feet. His old motivation was resurfacing within him. He was no longer that broken guilt-ridden man Havoc and Breda had found in the snow covered northern outpost. He was Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, and he was about to let this enemy forget. Roy stepped out from behind the pillar and smiled his oh-so charming smirk at the guns. With confidence he'd only known years ago, he snapped his fingers.

Thirty minutes or so had passed since the boys had disappeared inside, and Roy was beginning to get worried. Every time more guns alchemized he made them explode, but ten minutes ago they'd stopped. Roy hoped that it meant whoever-or whatever was inside had been stopped. Suddenly the concrete spear the boys had made dissolved and the ship began to glide again. Roy had to hold onto the pillar he'd used as a shield or he would have surely fallen.

Down below the soldiers looked up, fearing slightly what could have happened to their commanding officer. Suddenly the mindless armor warriors all collapsed. Hesitantly Armstrong asked, "Is it over?"

Hawkeye released a relieved breath and said, "yes." He'd succeed…he was okay.

Meanwhile, on the airship Alphonse had come back outside to meet Mustang. He smiled that the boy. Finally it really seemed like things were looking up, but then Edward walked out of the ship…his face easily said that something was wrong.

"Fullmetal?" Roy asked. Edward didn't look at his brother, or the Colonel. He simply clapped his hands and placed them on the floor. The airship began to divide in half and the two pieces began to drift away from each other. Roy and Al were on one side, and Edward was on the other. "Brother!" Alphonse said, moving to jump to the other side. Roy stopped him, there was something wrong.

"With that much material you guys can make it." Edward said.

"Where are you going?" Roy asked, though he felt he already knew the answer.

"I'm going to return these guys to back beyond the gate." He replied.

Alphonse struggled again the Colonel's grip, "You don't have to go too!"

"I need to destroy that gate," Edward explained. "Al, you need to destroy the gate here too. So the path will never be open again." Edward began to turn, but was stopped cold in his tracks.

"What are you going to do about Winry?" Alphonse screamed. It was a low blow. Alphonse knew how much his brother cared for their childhood friend. He knew that it would be more than cruel to just leave her. After all, she'd waited so patiently. Now Ed would never get to tell her how he felt. He considered, for just a moment to actually stay. But the need was too great, he had to go. "Tell her thanks" Edward said turning and raising his automail, "For this." Without a second look he turned and disappeared into the darkness of the craft."

"BROTHER!" Alphonse screamed struggling against the Colonel. "Brother! Brother!" Finally he broke Roy's grip. "I have to go!" he said, getting ready to try and make a jump for the other side.

Roy grabbed him by the arm, "Your brother told you to stay."

"I don't care! I just want to be with my brother!" Alphonse said. His eyes said it all, he was just a broken little kid that was hanging to his last hope, "Please. You're the only one that can help me. I have to do this…he's all I've got left."

The words struck a cord with Roy…they were the exact words that he'd said to Edward years ago when he'd convinced him to help transmute Riza back to life. He let go of the boy. "Where's the gate? I'll destroy it for you."

Alphonse smiled, fighting back slight tears. "It's in the underground city!" he started to turn, but Roy stopped him. "Hide in one of the suits of armor, if he finds you he'll send you back."

He nodded, "Thanks!" Alphonse quickly turned and jumped to the other platform.

"Alphonse! Tell you're brother—" Roy shouted, "That we're even! He'll know what it means."

The young blonde haired boy disappeared inside and that half of the airship quickly blasted off in the direction of the gate. Roy smiled brightly_, 'they're finally together_.' After two years and what seemed like a lifetime, Roy realized that we make decisions, and we live with them. There is no going back. No regrets can be changed, and if you dwell on them, you're only stalling your life. We live now, not in the past.

* * *

Mwahahahaha…and now you know why Mustang let Al go. It's b/c he owed Ed one for Ed helping him resurrect Riza. See, I told you this had a point. 


	33. Epilogue pt 5

Living on Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Author's note: And here I thought this story would end 4 chapters ago. The end feels a little cheesy/fluffy to me, but it was the best I could do, you might notice the refrence from chapter one, if you can remember that far back kind of 'I'm always too late' thingy

Chapter 33: Epilogue pt. 5

"Has anyone seen the Colonel!" Hawkeye shouted as she dug through the crashed remains of the enemy airship. The airship was fairly intact, but the Colonel was no where to be seen.

"No one has seen him." Havoc replied. The men were just standing around as she furiously trudged through the rubble. "I don't think he's here."

"He's here." She told Havoc sternly, "he has to be…" she added beneath her breath.

"Here let me help you." A male voice said just behind her.

"Thanks." She said passing him a large pipe without as much as a glance. "Put that in the other pile."

"Sure, but what exactly are we looking for?"

"Colonel Mustang. He's about 5'8", black hair—" she started, but something stopped her; something familiar in the man's voice. Slowly she turned to see the one and only, Roy Mustang. Riza was too stunned to even breathe. It seemed like a dream, he was barely inches away from her face, his coal black eyes staring deep into hers.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I had to take care of something for the Elric brothers." He said giving his trademark smirk.

Riza's heart seemed to lift out of her chest and she just wanted to melt into this arms. That little smile had always been so hard to resist and now was no different. It was even more striking because it'd been absent from her life for over two years.

The rest of the old squad stood a little ways off watching the scene unfold. Havoc turned to Breda with a smile, "I'll bet you 10 bucks she kisses him."

"I bet _10 he_ kisses _her_," Fuery said throwing his hat in the ring.

Falman decided to get in on the action as well, "I'll bet you 10 that they kiss each other."

Breda shook his head at his comrades, "Nah, Hawkeye's too formal for that. They won't kiss at all—at least not here." Havoc turned to Armstrong, wanting to see if he'd like to get in on the action only to see the big lug had tears in his eyes. "It's so beautiful!" he shouted. "True love conquers all!

Roy and Riza couldn't help but laugh at their comrades, Armstrong especially…well they were laughing until Armstrong pulled them both into such a tight hug neither could laugh, let alone breathe.

"So does this mean I win?" Breda asked.

"Of course not!" Havoc said, "There was Armstrong intervention!"

--

After the two had finally scraped Armstrong off them and had finally had the chance to be alone they went for a walk through the streets. Everywhere people were trying to clean up the debris from the earlier battle. "You were amazing…for a moment back there you seemed like the old Colonel." Hawkeye said.

"Please don't call me that." Mustang replied.

"Why not?" she asked, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, "What did you want me to call you?" She asked studying the ground intensely. She was fully aware she was back to being his subordinate and she couldn't bring herself to open up and try to be like they once were.

Roy gently lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger. "Call me Roy, like you used to."

"I only did that a few times—those were special circumstances. You're my superior again, it's only appropriate—"

Roy sighed, "Screw what's 'appropriate'. Can't things ever be that way again?"

"I—" she started, and forced herself to look away from his handsome eyes, "I don't think so."

"I'm sorry." He said.

"You've said that three times." She replied.

"I am sorry. I wish I'd never left. I wanted to stay so badly—"

"Why didn't you?" she asked finally looking him head on. Her eyes held all the hurt from the past two years and just looking at them made Roy stutter slightly.

"I—" he started and then smiled a little, "To tell you the truth, I thought I didn't deserve to be with you."

Riza swallowed hard. He hadn't left because he _didn't want_ to be with her, but because he didn't think he _deserved_ her? It was probably the most romantic thing she'd ever heard. She couldn't help but smile.

"I see you got the earrings." He remarked gently fingering her earlobe.

"_You_ sent them?" she asked surprised, "but the card said—"

"I love you." He finished. The moment the words released themselves from his lips he felt like he was walking on air. All the weight that he'd carried around for his entire life seemed to just float away on those three little words.

Tears glistened on the surface on Riza's eyes and one snaked its way out of the corner. He wiped it way with his thumb, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I love you." She said her voice cracking just slightly.

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to say it…I just wanted to be sure."

"You've already said 'I'm sorry'." She commented smiling.

"I'm sorry," He smiled and eased in closer to her lips, "let me make it up to you." She smiled in return and leaned her face forward just slightly. His lips were so warm, they took her breath away and made her lips tingle with excitement. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer into the kiss. Soon it wasn't a kiss anymore…it was heaven on earth, and nothing could make them come down.

Just two hundred yards away four men stood watching the scene. A man with white hair put his palm out in front of the other men and said, "You each owe me 10 bucks."

--

"So tell me again what happened to my apartment?" Roy asked as he followed Riza back to her place that day. Apparently he didn't have an apartment to go back to.

"Your lease was up about 5 months after you left and I couldn't help it. I can't barely pay for my own apartment, much less keep up the rent on yours as well." She explained unlocking the door to her apartment.

"So what happened to all my stuff?" Before he could finish his sentence, it was answered. Riza opened the door to reveal several of his clothes and belongings packed neatly about her living room.

"I couldn't afford a place to store them, so they've been here." She said slightly apologetically. "It should all be there. I had Havoc help me move. You're welcome to stay here as long as you like you know."

He turned and gave her that little smirk again, "Really? And where should I sleep?"

Riza almost let herself blush, "I'm sure we can find you someplace."

--

The bed was so warm that Riza was reluctant to open her eyes. She rarely slept late, but with Roy beside her she couldn't bring herself to really wake up. Sleepily she rolled over to face him, only to find he wasn't there. Her heart seemed to rip its way out of her chest. '_It was only a dream…I knew it was too good to be true_.' A little part of her could almost smell him on her sheets.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." Riza jolted up in bed to see Roy standing in the doorway holding a breakfast tray. "I thought since the last time we were together you were serving me, I'd repay the favor." He said placing the tray in front of her. She could have cried she was so happy. '_It's really real_.'

"Thank you." She said and smiled when she noticed an apple on the side of the tray. "Would you like an apple?" she asked picking up the knife and beginning to peel the fruit. Roy couldn't help but smile. All he ever wanted was for the rest of his life to be just like this.

After breakfast and more than one too many 'dessert' kisses, they began to talk. "So what's your plan?" she asked, a little afraid to know.

"I think Central command wanted all able body soldiers to help clean up the debris today—" he started.

She shook her head at him. "You know that's not what I'm talking about. I mean what are you going to do? Are you—going to leave again?" she asked, trying desperately to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Never again." He said. He started to move in to give her a kiss but she put a hand on his lips and stopped him.

"Are you really sure?" she asked, "I—I don't know if I could stand to wake up to an empty bed again and know you left without a word. I waited for two years…if this is going to turn into anything I don't want to be afraid that any minute you're going to up and leave."

"I love you. I'm not going anywhere." Roy assured her. "You spent the last 12 years waiting on me and I'm tired of making us both wait. Life's too short to put things off. I want to wake up every morning to your smile and lay down every night with you in my arms." She smiled that smile for him again and he melted into her. Life is short, but it's better late than never.

* * *

Now its time for smm's Moral section in which she tells you all the sappy sweet disgusting morals that she tried to hit you over the head with during the story. 

Morals:

(1) Never tell someone you love them unless your sure. 

(2) Don't lead someone on if your not really interested, it'll only hurt them in the long run

(3) If you're sure you love someone, tell them. You may not get another chance

(4) Bad things happen, but the best you can do is accept them and move on. The world only turns in one direction and the future is the only thing you can still change.

* * *

**Explainations of strange things that you may have noticed **

As you may have noticed, this story line is focused mainly on the anime, which means that if someone has a failed human transmutation the result turns into a homunculus. If you wondering why there isn't a Riza homunculus, it's because Roy didn't **fail**. And if you really want to think of it as any transmutation the person becomes a homunculi then Roy's equivalent exchange was taken to the gate and Wrath took it like he took Ed's arm and leg (which gives him 10 years, which would be his age)

If you're wondering why Ed never attempted to do a transmutation the same way Roy did, its because (1) Ed was afraid that if he tried to break the bond on Al's armor and put his soul in the homunculus Al's soul would disappear or something. Roy didn't have that problem because Riza was already dead, it couldn't really get much worse. Soon the bloodstains would be gone and so would she. (2) Al's soul was attached to the armor, making it more or less unmovable because he's really fixed to it. Riza was just sort of loosely tethered to Roy also, she wasn't using Roy as a body like Al is using the armor. Besides it's a little different when it's a living being and when its an inanimate object. ---If you don't like those explanations you come up with one yourself ;)

THE END (finally)


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